my long haired boy.

a lot of parents don't like long hair on their kids/won't let them grow it long. me? i don't care. E is who he is and can express himself however he wants (as long as he's not in danger of hurting himself or anyone else and blah blah blah). i dig the long hair. and right now he does too. so it's all good.

why i love starbucks.

pic i took on easter. didn't take many pics at all that day but this is one.

today (3.25.08)was a hard day for alexander.

we had his four year well check appointment.

he got....count them......FIVE shots. omg. O.M.G it was hard to watch. after it was all over i took him to starbucks. of course he's a junkie like me. we went to the drive thru that's right by the pediatrician's office. he asked for hot cocoa. i got a non-fat decaf mocha misto, x-hot, no whip. my mom sent me a starbucks card for easter. i gave it to the dude but he somehow threw it away. so there we were....waiting for what seemed like forever (but in reality was probably 6 minutes), and he's periodically sticking his head out the window to explain....he ended up giving us our drinks for free and reloading a new card for me (he never found the old one). it was all good. a free drink? always a good one. lol.... i like that starbucks always takes care of the customer. i fully 100% appreciate that. i still have some of my mocha misto in the fridge for later. go me!

affirmation

i painted this friday night while everyone was in bed. i like the impressionistic quality to this piece. i've sort of been stuck lately......not scrapping, doing 'some' painting....wanting to work in my art journal but not feeling it. i have a partially complete art journal page on my table right now.....who knows when i'll finish it.

i have no objectivity when it comes to my own work (this goes for scrapping as well as painting). yes...some pieces/pages i love more than others...and those seem to be the ones other peeps like...but that's not always the case. i'm finding it hard to stand alone....to believe that i'm actually good....to believe in myself......that i can do this. i seem to need affirmation. in all honesty i don't think i suck. i like what i create. but....there always seems to be a but....i'm just not sure. for anyone reading this....i'm not saying all of this so you'll tell me i'm good....i'm just working through my doubt....my insecurity....trying to decide if i want to try and do something with my paintings. it's one thing to make an art journal page or a painting for myself. it's quite another to actually take someone's money for your work.

i think part of my recent doubt comes from the fact that until fairly recently i hadn't painted actual 'pieces' since before ethan was born. of course i've done art journal pages...and scrappged pages....but those are different. for some reason i am filled with much more doubt than i was back then. wonder why that is. i look to james for his opinion....and he's been wrapped up in work...being sick....being exhausted....i don't really feel like i'm getting much feedback. and when i told my brother i sold a painting...he was fairly surprised. i was like...dude...i don't suck!!! lol.... maybe it's just hard for him to see me as anything other than his little sister..the stay at home mom...i'm not sure. but it was unsettling! lol... so if i'm going to do this, i really DO have to stand alone, tell myself i am good enough...and do this. just not sure i'm ready.

even my mom gives me the 'it's nice dear' comments (though she rarely sees my stuff). i'm just not sure she 'gets' it. gets MY style. she's never been one to jump up and down and scream over anything....i just think the peeps closest to me would be the ones rooting the most for me....the ones supporting me. it doesn't seem to be that way. i get more from (mostly) people i have never even met IRL and whom are seeing my work over a computer. things can look different in real life. in person. so once again...i have to rely on ME to decide if my stuff is good enough. if i can do this. and if i'm going to do it....HOW i'm going to do it. i get stuck on logistics. seriously. deep inside me....where i am 100% honest with myself.....i think i can do this. i'm afraid to say it out loud. i'm afraid to put myself out there. so i'm thinking.

the scoop.

i think i am socially retarded. i absolutely 100% cannot stand the politics of life. politics in scrapbooking. politics in even the most simple task (like taking and picking up your son from school). i mean seriously. what am i, in high school again? cliques of moms picking up their kids. i don't belong anywhere. and sometimes it makes me sad. so then i withdraw. i'm good at that.

i am afraid to show anyone the real me because often times the real me is frustrated, not positive....basically a real mess. and it seems when i let the real me surface....that's when things get messed up. i find it easier to keep to myself and write here, or work in my art journal than deal with real people. kind of scary actually. i'm not a hermit...not really...just sort of. in person i am extremely shy. like painfully shy. i think people are surprised by that the most when they meet me. they expect me to be mouthy....say exactly what's on my mind. and i do....AFTER i've had a few drinks. otherwise i'm pretty quiet. because really...i just don't think i'm equipped to deal with 'friends'. i get to a certain point with a 'friend' and then it's like i quit knowing how to function. i'm not sure how much 'me' to let my 'friend' see....how much is too much....what will and won't scare the person away. what i should and shouldn't say. seriously. i am socially retarded. and i am ALWAYS editing myself before i speak. and that is making me lose myself even more. if that's possible.

i need more control over my life.

i kind of dig this pic. it's blurry. but i don't care. i think i'll be scrapping it at some point. it kind of has a 'feel' to it and i connect with that. it's like by looking at this pic of myself as an outside observer.....by separating myself and being objective....it helps me to figure things out. if i felt like scrapping at all....or art journaling at all...i'd be all set. but i don't. maybe that's not true. i have been feeling the urge to work in my art journal but the problem is it's always when i can't. it's always when i absolutely can't scrap or be creative. which is the story of my life. i'm pretty damn tired of scrapping only when everyone is asleep. of 'stealing' time to be creative. it sure would be nice just to go scrap WHEN i feel creative. what a concept. i could go steal 15 minutes right now. james has the boys downstairs. but why bother. because in 15 minutes (which is just enough time for me to get all messy and have stuff everywhere)....i'd have to clean up brushes...and myself....and go read story. soon it's beddy-bye time for the boys. and james. who's sick. but by then the creative urge will have passed. so here i sit. not scrapping. not working in my art journal.

back from texas.

one of the things we did in texas (with my MIL, my BIL, his wife, their little boy brian, our nephew matthew, james, me E and alexander was go spelunking. when will asked if we wanted to go spelunking i was like....uh....what? never heard of it. i guess that's what it's called when you go mineral cave exploring. my MIL bought the boys these hard hats. they had lights on them. the caves were dark. very very dark. so here's a cheeze ball pic from our afternoon in the caves.

the trip home was a bit of a nightmare. it took us 16 hours to get home. 16 hours! from 7am to 10:30 pm. we were supposed to go from austin to vegas. change planes in vegas and fly home. but the plane in austin had engine probs so we had to get off. and then we had to wait a few hours for another plane to be flown in. we were about three hours late taking off. that made us miss our connecting flight in vegas. so then we were re-routed to oakland. the only thing they forgot to tell us was that the flight out of oakland to reno was at 9:30 pm. they expected us to wait 7 hours in the airport for that flight. there as no flipping way i was hanging in the airport for 7 hours with my kids. they were exhausted. we tried to get on stand-by for the next available flight out of oakland. they had only ONE seat. i tried to convince my MIL go to. or our nephew matthew (he's 17). they wanted to stay with us. we ended up renting a car and driving the rest of the way home. can you say southwest airline sucks??? i can.

i'm feeling a little on the blah'd side. not sure if it's because i'm tired. i don't feel like scrapping. and i don't really feel like painting. i'm finding it's kind of nice not to be so obsessive about something, at least for a bit.

now i need to go put more laundry in the dryer (but first take the load out that's already in there). i want to get E's jacket washed for school tomorrow.

more painting.

not sure you can really see the texture here, but trust me. it's there. nice, thick paint. love that. i made a cover for one of my art journals last week. it had flowers similar to these. two of them. it was simple yet had impact. it was my art journal cover that inspired me to paint this. this is not painted from a photograph. i just saw in my mind orange flowers in a pitcher and this is how it turned out. the flowers look a little redder than they really are. they have an orange hue to them IRL.

heading off to texas early in the morning for a little family business. back in a few days.

ps. patrice, do you like THESE flowers?

sometimes i paint from a photograph.

i sometimes paint from a photograph. i took this picture about 8 years ago when james and i went to mendocino, california....one of my fave places in the world.

if you look at my last post you will see this painting as a work in progress. it's now done. i thought it would be fun to show you the photograph i painted from and the actual painting. and...uh...keep in mind when you're looking....i'm a fan of impressionism, not realism. i like it to be recognizable yet slightly different if that makes any sense. and a piece like this looks best if looked at from a distance.

a work in progress

started this a couple of days ago. haven't really had the time to work on it much. one of my favorite parts about creating a painting? when you begin and there is absolutely nothing. then all the sudden...the painting just takes shape and you get a sense of what it is going to be. looove that. you're looking at a 'first sitting' of this painting. what i mean is, this is what i got done the very first time i worked on it. hope to finish it this weekend. heh. we'll see. weekends aren't usually filled with kid-free and creative time for me.

art journal page. journaling: moments of clarity. to have purpose. to feel passionate about something. 2.26.08

this original piece was done by henri matisse in 1906. i love matisse and when i saw this...well...once something gets inside my mind, i need to paint it to get it out. so this is my rendition of matisse's 'flowers in pitcher.' and now i can create something else.

i seem to be drawn to painting right now more than scrapping...art journaling more than scrapping. and that's okay. i'm good with that.

did this today.

don't let others define you. do not compare yourself to others. stand alone. believe in yourself. even when you question your artistic abilities. what you are searching for will not be found externally. it must come from within.

this is not my original art idea. it's my original art, but i was inspired by an itty bitty avatar on 2 peas (don't even know whose it was) that looked something like long green stems and flowers. i saw the avatar, liked it (a lot) then went immediately to my table and painted/made this art journal page. so i have no idea what it was exactly i was inspired by. a painting? a photograph? no clue. but thank you whomever you are and whatever it was. sat down and whipped this out. in about 5 minutes. i freaking love it when inspo hits and you can rock it out. part of the pleasure of this page was i didn't care exactly how it turned out. it just happened. without me fretting over any of it. i just did it. that, my friends, is pure.

note: it's not as white as it looks here. i painted off-white paint onto white cardstock but none of the white shows through. so it's red/orange flowers on off-white background. ~sigh~ looks so much better IRL.

this has happened two times now.

one night i woke up. had this dream i was screaming. like a primal scary scream. i wasn't screaming, just dreaming i was. it was weird. that was about 6 weeks ago.

yesterday, in the car with james and the boys (on the way to a birthday party), it happened again. that feeling like i was about to scream. that feeling in my chest like i had something inside that absolutely needed to get out. of course while i'm feeling this way i'm carrying on perfectly normal conversation with james. so weird.

i know what it is. i have a hard time recognizing what i am feeling, reacting to it, verbalizing it and dealing with it. sometimes everything just converges at once and i feel overwhelmed, over loaded. i manage to articulate at least some of what i am feeling. then it goes away. i feel better now that i've done this art journal page. so that's good.

my thoughts on control and boredom.

control
i admit it.
i like to have control of things.
i just do.
but i'm trying to let go. at least a little bit.
it's hard for me. but i'm trying.

boredom
i find myself easily bored.
looking for something exciting to happen in my life.
something fun. to shake up the monotony (sp?) of the everyday.
i so should not complain.
in a second things can change.
i am thankful for what we have, that things are the way they are.
but i really seem to struggle with the boredom thing.
and i'm wondering what i'm going to do with E all summer.
it takes a lot of energy to keep him engaged and the boys not fighting.
it means i will have less time/energy to devote to keeping myself sane and more time/energy devoted to keeping the boys entertained and happy all summer.
just thinking about it makes me tired.
maybe i am selfish. i must be.
i love my kids. but i do think it sometimes boring being a stay att home mom. i'm lucky. but bored too. kind of an odd combination i guess. but it is what it is.

some of this and some of that.

shopping for a new vacuum. our current one is so loud alexander runs and hides. my ears hurt...almost to the point i can't hear for a while after i'm done. it's sad.

i made myself work out today. even though i really really really did not want to. know how i motivated myself? i said, "this is what distinguishes those that really want to lose weight and those that just want to talk about losing weight." and i got my ass on that machine. and it sucked. but i did it. i have been so so so so so so tired the last three days. like falling asleep on my feet tired. even been going to bed earlier than normal. not much, but some. it's a start.

think alexander is getting sick again. poor little muffin. he seems to get hit by every cold that comes within a 100 foot radius.

we'll see how ethan is today. the last two nights he's had to go to bed early for bad behavior. hoping today is better.

making quesadillas for dinner. with guacamole. i'm having fat free tortillas and fat free cheese. yum. yeah....not so much. but i will splurge and have some guacamole (avocadoes, while good for you are not good in the points dept).

it's windy and sucky outside. ick. so glad i put gas in my car yesterday so i'm not out in the wind doing it today.

spent all freaking morning shopping for groceries. many of which are still sitting on the counter. yeah. i should get on that. i've got 20 minutes until alexander gets up at which time we have to go pick up E.

i have a lot to say.

but none of which i will say.
because i'm in a mood. lol.... i'm disgruntled. good damn thing i don't work for the post office.
i will say this:
i feel like eating ice cream. but i won't. i would hate to ruin that 40 minutes of sheer torture on the machine. did i mention i hate exercise?
now i'm going to watch deadliest catch. i dig that show. gotta love netflix.
still waiting for the rest of big love. i dig that show too.

a couple of recent LOs. i think they speak for themselves.

i wish i liked exercise.

but the cold hard truth of the matter? i just don't. i hate it. unless you count me riding E's scooter in the summer while he's on his bike exercise. then i think it's okay. i need to figure out some kind of exercise regime. so today i got on the machine. i stayed on for one minute longer than i said i would. hey. i just told you i hate exercise. but i did it. i did what i said i was going to do. tomorrow i'll stay on for two minutes longer.

i've heard you're supposed to feel great after a workout. um. so not true. i'm still as tired as i was before i started. oh. i see. i'm supposed to exercise for more than 1 day? what the hell.

i jammed out to some tunes on my iPod. helped make it bearable. i won't think about doing it again tomorrow..........until tomorrow. maybe that way i'll actually do it again tomorrow.

i wish little oliver could still go on puppy walks with me. i miss our daily puppy walk. at least during the summer oliver can walk to the mailbox with me, he can hang out in the front yard some and take itty bitty puppy walks. i'm looking forward to that this summer.

playing with my new cam.

i was at a stoplight and the message on the billboard caught my eye: you have enough to worry about.

after i dropped E off at school today i actually drove around looking for cool photo op spots. these are just a couple of what i found.

oh come on. if you were four you'd wear snow boots with your shorts and short sleeved shirt too. wouldn't you.

something about this one....i just like it.

just because.

friedrich nietzsche quote i love:

the individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. if you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. but no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.

just felt like painting and slapping a pic down.

needed to create something today.

journaling:
feeling exhausted. unmotivated. like i have no direction. bored? struggling to find my way with E. questioning myself. wondering....what's it gonna take to make these feelings go away. feeling overwhelmed. tired of the same thing every day yet happy to be able to stay home with the boys. looking for something. a little break from the same thing each and every day. feeling lucky. lucky to have james. and healthy children. what will it take to make this unsettled feeling go away? tired of just getting by. of just maintaining. tired of having no energy. tired of not sleeping, waking up 50 times a night. constantly strugggling and not sure how to find a way out. but i know i will.

perspective.

when life happens things get put into perspective. i'm going to focus on that during the upcoming year. in celebration of this fact i made this page. if you want to know more about this page go here.

i feel like i need some direction.

maybe i should have chosen direction as my word for 2008 instead of perspective. oh well. perspective is just as important if not more so i suppose. i'm feeling tired. and unmotivated. it's cold....like freaking cold, windy and snowing. i'm drinking what's left of my tall non-fat mocha misto x hot no whip while alexander watches yo gabba gabba.

i should be folding laundry, washing more laundry, unloading the dishwasher (cleaning up the breakfast mess), dusting (i didn't get to it yesterday), cleaning the stairs, vacuuming upstairs (haven't vacuumed the boys rooms since we took down their trees). how bad is that. there are needles on their floors. yeah. mother of the year.

what i really feel like doing is art journaling/scrapping. i feel paralyzed and afraid to make something because it must meet this standard or that standard. so instead of worrying about what product is used, or what i'm scrapping for, i just want to go make something. no rules. no worry. no 'anything' it must have or not have. what i create might be crap but at least it will be something and it might help me get passed this whatever it is that i feel like is blocking my creativity.

i must admit that i enjoy it when people see my work and they like it. given that i'm as far from a traditional scrapper as you can get, some people just don't like my stuff. and that's okay. i don't scrap for anyone but myself. i scrap to create. to remember. to document our lives. we matter. i want my children to have what i do not, and that is photographs and memories from their childhood. from time to time i just need to remind myself why i am doing this. nice comments are icing on the cake....they make me feel good....but whether there are nice comments or not does not change the quality of my pages. need to get over the praise-hoe thing, eh?

getting off the computer now...going to fold laundry and start more. instead of complaining about lack of motivation i guess i'll get off my ass and do something.

this is what we did yesterday morning.

alexander and rachel on their way down, E on his way back up.

a perfect sunny day. what better way to spend your morning? meet up with neighbors and sled. nothing better.

E taking the penguin way down.

it became known as the body bag. 'nuff said. wait. not 'nuff said. who was it that talked me into going down on a garbage bag instead of an actual sled??? thanks jan. yes, that's me flying by alexander and his little friend juliette.

okay.....whatever....i wanted to upload a pic of james speeding down the hill but blogger refuses to let me add one more photo! and i need to go do other things now. >insert truly pissed off glare here<

first LOs of 2008.

these are my two LOs for scrapgal for january. yep. still stuck on white cardstock. it had been a while since i scrapped. i feel rusty. as i sit here and type my boys are using my scrap table and are eh hem..."scrapping". oy. what a mess i will have when they are done. upswing? they are playing nicely together. it won't last. with that said, tiem to get off the 'puter.

i have learned many things.

the beginning of 2008 brings me out of the haze and craziness that was december. i love christmas, and the hustle and bustle and family time. i wouldn't trade it for the world. yet it leaves me exhausted.

christmas this year was different. and that's not a bad thing. it was just different.
christmas eve with james' family at our house.
christmas morning with james' family at our house.
christmas dinner with james' family at our house.
my mom flying in, staying one night then me driving her to my brother's house and staying one night there.
my mom and i not being together at christmas.
my mom coming to our house the day after christmas and spending the night. we had that and it was good. i am grateful for everything we had this christmas.

i really do consider myself one of the luckiest people on the planet.
my kids are healthy (knock on wood).
james is a hunka hunka burnin' love with long sexy locks and is doing well health-wise. (again, knock on wood).
we have so many things. my new camera. james' new flat screen plasma. our washer is on its last legs but hey. if it works that just means i'm doing laundry and who wants to do that.
i am thankful for the time i have with my mom.

for 2008 i'm all about perspective. i hope to keep everything in perspective and just be grateful for every single thing i have and every single person in my life. that's how i am starting out 2008.

ground hog day?

i feel like today, i did exadtly what i did yesterday. gee. wonder why. oh wait. i know. because i did do exactly what i did yesterday.
get up. check.
make breakfast for the boys. check.
take a shower. check.
yell at boys to get ready for school. check.
take E to school. check.
clean microwave. check.
clean oven. check.
sweet kitchen/dining. check.
unload dishwasher. check.
put away 8 billion play doh tools and cans of play doh. check.
wash alexander's laundry. check.
wash some of james' and my laundry. check.
clean front of stainless steel fridge. check.
dust family room and living room. check.
pick up E from school. check.
pass out some of the spiced candied pecans i made for people at E's school. check.
vacuum stairs. check.
vacuum upstairs. check.
make sample ornaments for E's class. check.
cut out and assemble all materials for said ornaments (needed for thursday's party). check.
help E with homework. check.
go outside and bring in 5...yes i sais 5 big boxes from UPS. check. thanks mom. and bob and elizabeth.
make dinner? hmm. need to get on that. no clue what we'll have. better figure it out. it's 5:45.

feels like i had a busy day.

wake up. check. but trust me i so did not want to get out of bed today.
make breakfast for boys. check.
shower. check.
yell at boys so they get dressed, brush their teeth, and finish getting ready for school.
take E to school. check.
talk to his teacher about the christmas party i am planning for his class. check.
go buy couple more gifts. check.
buy everything i need for ornaments at E's party. check.
buy everything i need for making and decorating 15 gingerbread houses. check.
tear apart E's bed and wash everything. check.
put E's bed back together. check.
feed alexander and me some lunchie munchie. check.
tear apart our bed and was everything. check.
put our bed back together. check.
clean boys' bathroom. check. it was so gross. i'm such a bad mom.
wash all the towels in boys' bathroom. check.
pick up E from school. check.
talk to his teacher again. check.
go to REI to buy gift. check. yay. one of the hardest peeps to buy for is now taken care of.
make dinner. check.
start more regular laundry, i.e., not bedding or towels. check.
unload dishwasher and do breakfast dishes. check.
vacuum downstairs. check. note to self. buy new vacuum. our sucks ass. well...it doesn't really suck. that's the problem.
go to target. NO check. waiting for james to get home so i can leave the little angels here. what. why was i gone for five hours???? lol...hmmm....i got lost. yeah. that's it.
wrap remaining items (will do tonight after munchkins are in bed).
now off to finish and serve up dinner. check.

required photo.

a required photo. no. not this one. this one just happened by accident. it was taken by ethan. and i like it. i like how you can see and feel the....the...raw emotion....a surface contentment...something so powerful and unsettled just underneath....in the way i am leaning into james and have my eyes closed. good job E. thanks.






this one is the required photo. E must bring in a current photo of his family to school tomorrow for a little project they have going on. so tonight we did a quick photo shoot. this is the tree in the family room. could have taken the pic in front of the bigger tree which is in the living room but james thought the lighting was better in the family room. so there you have it. this is us. christmas 2007.

a little perspective.

couple of recent layouts. my 'be thankful' layout is a reminder to myself not to sweat the small stuff and to really truly be thankful for what i have and who i have in my life. this life really is fragile and can be changed forever in a single split second. i fully realize that. and i appreciate where i am and what i have. so i leave you with this. a few things i am thankful for (and won't be taking for granted any time soon).

that my children are again sleeping through the night, i.e., not throwing up and sick as dogs.

that my husband loves me.

that what stresses me at christmas is caused by too many people wanting/needing to be too many places at once. it'll all work out.

that james fixed the dishwasher. oh how i love having a dishwasher that works.

that the lump on my neck is going away.

and now i must go wrap presents.

went to see santa.

when i picked E up after school yesterday i told him i heard a rumor that santa was in town. then i asked him if he wanted to go find out. then i called james and he met us down at the mall. thursday evening, no waiting. what could be better? the boys were cute. after meeting santa, we stopped at a couple stores, then went out to dinner. nice way to spend an evening!

alexander's birthday part three.

alexander had one birthday, but in four parts.

part 1: sick, throwing up...miserable.

part 2: small party at beach house over thanksgiving to help make up for party we had to cancel on actual bday because bday boy was so sick.

part 3: birthday party. finally. not when first scheduled, or as planned...but hey. things happen. at least we were able to have the party and alexander had fun.

part 4: pinata at grandma's house.

the pics in this post are all from alexander's bday part 3. and james...if you read this....hope you enjoy the ass shot. you took it, you get to look at it. i think i have enough ass shots to fill an entire album. maybe i should make that a priority. hmmm?

anyway, alexander's party was at jump man jump (the blurry pic of my ass is me and alexander climbing up the steps to the giant slide). all in all i think he had a fun time. just too bad we couldn't have the party on his bday as planned.

oh, one last thing. do you so dig the hair? alexander has me spike his hair up almost every single day. i love his individuality. i really truly 100% so dig his ability....willingness...to just be himself. to be what he wants to be. to be how he wants to be. he is a most amazing and wonderful boy.

thanksgiving 2007.

have no clue how these pics are gonna load. randomly i suppose. but i have this to say about thanksgiving 2007: good wine (tequila and vodka), good friends, good food, family, a most excellent hot tub and the beach. does it get any better?

happy birthday alexander.

today is alexander's birthday. but we did not have a party. why you ask? alexander is sick. still. today he was worse than he's been. so bad in fact we had to cancel his party at jump man jump. he just had no energy and was pretty much miserable all day. he opened his presents from mom and dad (and from my mom too). then took a bath. and layed around feeling icky. he did muster up the energy to ask for a cupcake (i baked 36 of them yesterday in the hopes we wouldn't have to cancel his party)....yeah...that was smart of me wasn't it.....anyone want a cupcake? james was out running errands but ethan and i sang happy birthday to alexander and he blew out his candles. not much of a birthday. we rescheduled his party (and it won't be the same). can you tell today was a crappy day? not as bad as it could have been i realize that. but not as good as it should have been. my little boy tunred four today.

turns out that ethan how has what alexander has. and it's a long one. so long in fact we may not be going to the beach for thanksgiving. can we just catch a break? one small little break? with everything else that's been going on i am about to lose it. seriously.

four years ago at this time i had a baby that was almost 10 hours old. and today he is four years old. i just hope that tomorrow he wakes up and is well. and that ethan magically gets well before wednesday. yeah. here's hoping.

ode to grandpa.

with the recent death of my father-in-law, i just really have not felt like blogging. i do want to show pictures of him...and tell you about him....what a good man he was. was. it still doesn't seem real. but for some reason i just haven't. i am so sad for linda (my mother-in-law) and wish i could take away her sadness and that of james and the rest of the family too.

it's been incredibly sad.

what's a post without a pic. right?

this is for you james. yup. you took it. now you get to look at it. :wink:

the weekend before halloween we spent the day at my in-laws carving pumpkins. yes. that's me. carving a pumpkin. what? OH. i see. you can't tell that's me carving a pumpkin because all you can see is my ASS!!!!!!!!!

a fun time was had by all. everyone walked away a winner. grandma had presents for all the little ones. so much fun!