Saturday, May 31, 2008

my husband is the best.

when i finish a painting i tape it (masking tape) to my wall. not very sophisticated, i know. but it works for me. every painting i do gets put on the wall. then i look at it. and decide if i like it. so here's a shot of a few that are currently on the right side of the wall in the loft (where i scrap, paint and art journal).

oh, and for the curious? i did email tara whitney and tell her to put my name on the list of those that want to go to thailand. and holy crap. i might really do this??!! yes. but only if i emailed her in time. tara is waiting for emily to get back from italy and then they will start contacting people. here's hoping i'm on 'that' list. see those two pieces of white paper on the left (they look like 4 x 6 pics were printed out on 8 1.2 x 11 paper)??? one is of a boat on the water in thailand. the other is of a hot dude. a thai dude. my husband printed those out and taped them to my wall. and i love him. that's what did it for me, made my mind up (to at least try to do t his). i may never take the pic of the hot thai dude off my wall. heh.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

here's why i can't do this.

this morning i sat down with my laptop for a few minutes (to check email, various sites, etc.) and what do i see? em falconbridge and tara whitney are taking a trip to thailand. and they're taking 8 people with them. well.....taking may not be exactly the right word. you have to pay for your airfare to bangkok. and $2,600 for what em and tara call 'find yourself''....a retreat of sorts. dudes. i want to 'find' myself in thailand. with emily falconbridge. and tara whitney too! so i sent james the link.

what does he do?? gets online to check out airfare. turns out it's actually cheaper than one might think. not so much. but it's actually not as high as i thought it would be.

so james comes home from work tonight. we eat dinner, the boys are in the front yard playing and he grabs me by the hand and takes me into the bedroom. NO. not for that. sheesh. he put something on my pillow and wanted to show it to me. it was a book. about thailand.

i so would love to take this trip. here's why i can't:
james would have to take a week off from work to stay home with the boys.
he would have to use HIS vacation time for ME.
i'm not sure i can leave my boys for a week. never done it before.
the only other time i've left them was to go to CHA last summer. i had a great time. it was good for me, but for a week? actually more. i'd be gone for 10 days.
it would be the most irresponsible thing i could possibly do. me...go on a trip like this....without james and the boys??? just me??? i don't think so. not that i don't like a good adventure. i do. i just can't see spending this much money on just me. now if it were a family vacation? no problem. but james doesn't want to fly 20 hours (or whatever it is) with the boys. he thinks they are still too young to appreciate something like this.
he really truly wants me to go. i'm just not sure i can.
plus, by the time i make up my mind all 8 spots will be gone. maybe that will solve it for me.
it's nice to think would be a great experience. i just don't think i can spend that much money on something for just me. and ask james to give up that much time off from work so i can go and do something like this. it would be selfish.
and i would miss my boys. E hears us talking about thailand and he's already clinging on for dear life. alexander said he wants me to go (james asked)....E?? not so much. surprisingly enough E was the one who cried while i was in chicago last summer. he was the one that really missed me. alexander missed me too, i know he did, but it was E that surprised me with his reaction.

now....can i really NOT do this? or am i talking myself out of something great because of fears and worry that can be overcome. so.....thailand.......something to think about.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

it's raining!

just added this painting to my etsy shop along with one other one. if you want to take a look click here.

it is raining and cold today and i love it. it doesn't rain much here. it will be over in about ten minutes but i'll enjoy it while it's here.

had a really nice weekend. james spent a lot of time with the boys. i painted two pieces (one of which you see here). then saturday afternoon james and i went to see indy (left the boys with his mom). then yesterday afternoon james and i went to another movie!!! two movies in three days???!!! we haven't been to two movies in the last four years!! i left my kids twice in one weekend!!!!!!! that's big people. lol... james and i don't go out much without the boys. pretty much all our time is spent with them. so it was nice (especially since it was our anniversary).

while we didn't take our annual trip to mendo for our anniversary this year, we still had a great time just being together. yes, i missed the smell of the ocean, the briskness of a fort bragg morning, and walking on the beach, watching the boys play in the sand, but we did have a nice time just hanging out at home as a family. and we will, at some point, take a quick weekend getaway. it just didn't happen to be on our anniversary this time.

so far today i have swept the entire downstairs, vacuumed downstairs. cleaned the downstairs toilets, unloaded the dishwasher, taken E to school, started laundry and added two pieces to my shop. now i'm off to check on alexander and drink a cup of something hot!

Sunday, May 25, 2008

a stroll down memory lane.

may 26, 1991. the day james and i got married. 17...let me say that again....SEVENTEEN years ago!!!! like holy crap. 17 years ago??? i must have been a young bride. ;)

first smooch as a married couple.
and yes. i set foot in a church and didn't spontaneously decombust.
cake anyone? heeheehee....
and before you go gettin' all...WTH?? white cake??? NO. it was just white frosting. believe me. my wedding cake was chocolate. damn straight.

part of our honeymoon was a cruise to mexico. this was in the main dining room and i have absolutely no idea who took this photo. but i'm glad we have it.
i should scrap our wedding. i haven't scrapped one single wedding photo. not one. some day i will. for now i'm content to just remember. remember our day. i would also like to take this opportunity to address a quesion my father posed to james and i before we got married. my dad thought we shouldn't have a wedding. he offered to buy us a washer and dryer, and give us $5,000 in cash to skip the wedding. now, 17 years later....i can answer whole-heartedly that i am glad we didn't even consider his offer. i am glad we had a wedding, and have all these photographs to help us remember. as for the washer and dryer??? i'm on my second washer and third dryer. they can be replaced. beautiful memories cannot.
so james, happy anniversary to you. i love you with all my heart. after all these years together i can honestly say i still love spending time with you. you make me laugh and you make me smile. you are a good man. you are generous and give of yourself freely. you are a good father to our children. it is important to remember a couple....before the kids. it is important to celebrate us....and the day we got married. happy anniversary.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

added two new paintings to my shop!

added this one to my shop just a couple of minutes ago. it's heavy body acrylic on medium texture canvas and is 12 x 16 in size. i added another one yesterday. if you want to see it click here.

i am finally starting to feel better (though still having trouble sleeping). alexander is still coughing and stuffy but seems to be on the road to recovery.

longing for a huge chunk of time to do nothing but create. maybe sleep a little, listen to some music...but wow. uninterrupted time to create? what a rare commodity!

received an email from my father today. wants to meet me for lunch on the 30th. i laughed out loud. just responded. needless to say i am not going. seriously?? he thinks i'm going to do that again???! so not happening.

one of my favorite things???? it's raining!!!!!!!!!!! in nevada. yeah. that's big people. it smells soooooo good right now! it's freaking cold but the big window in the living room is open wide so i can enjoy the smell. it won't last long. soon we'll be back to just icky cold and no delightful rain smell. yesterday it was 94 freaking degrees. today...rain! tomorrow?? 60 and cloudy!

off to put little ones to bed.

Saturday, May 17, 2008

oh my freaking god!

i am completely honored and thrilled to have my paintings/etsy shop mentioned by linda woods on (the REV it up list) blog! go here to check it:
there is a link on the right side of my blog that will take you to my etsy if you want to check out my shop. i'm working on three new pieces that will be added soon.

Monday, May 12, 2008

pics from the weekend.

may 9-11 was the reno riverfest. reno has a white water kayak course (pretty much it runs right through the middle of downtown) and this weekend james and i went down to the river and took a couple of white water clinics. james likes to give me a lot of crap. so i gave him the finger. nicely, of course! lol.....

gearin' up. sure have to put a lot of crap on to get into cold rushing water. wet suit, booties, helmet (wouldn't wanna crack your head on a rock now wouldya), pfd, dry shirt, etc.!
my man. my main squeeze. he's the handomest. i so dig the hippy hair.
all in all it was a fun weekend. mother's day morning we took the boys down to the river and let 'em run wild for a while. then we got them some hot cocoa (because that water is friggin' cold) and took them to james' mom's house and came back for our clinic. i didn't take my camera. these three pics were taken with james' blackberry. not bad for a phone cam. after our two hour clinic we went back to james' mom's house for a little bbq. the boys were content playing in grandma's backyard. and boy were they wiped out when we got home (which was nice).

Thursday, May 08, 2008

my reality check.

this is one of the bouquets of flowers i had waiting for my mom when she arrived (what was it....three weeks or so ago)? after she left i moved the arrangements downstairs and they lasted for another week. it was nice.

three quakes last night (not huge, but enough to wake us up, shake the house and scare the crap out of the dogs). luckily the boys went right back to sleep. was one more night where my sleep was not peaceful. where i kept expecting to have to jump out of bed at any moment to get the boys and dogs. woke up feeling 100% completely exhausted. so did james. i mean like break down in tears for no good reason kind of exhausted. i'm really tired of feeling this way.

was supposed to meet my dad for lunch today. we agreed on 11:30. ran to costco (and hurry, hurry hurried) so we would be on time. 20 minutes after my dad was supposed to arrive i called him on his cell. he said he was 'running errands', and was completely on the other side of town (so about 30 minutes away). we waited. and waited. finally i ordered lunch for us (poor alexander had already been at the restaurant for 45 minutes). i finally called my dad back and told him we were leaving. we waited for one hour. and i will never do that again.

my dad and i don't have a great relationship. we see each other occasionally. i send him a card on his birthday and father's day, we email occasionally and we call it good. it is what it is. i have tried and tried to figure out a way to make things better. but have finally come to the realization that they just never will be better. he is who he is and i can't change that. we will never have what i consider a normal father/daughter relationship. that makes me sad, but it also frees me from spending so much energy being angry and hurt. i've just come to is what it is.

my reality check is this. i sometimes try to imagine how i will feel when i find out that my dad has died. morbid, huh? i can probably never prepare myself for that news...but i do try to imagine how i will feel and what i will have wished i tried harder to do, to fix. i just think there comes a time when you have to let go. and i'm wondering if this is that time.

the thing that gets me the most is that alexander was expecting to have lunch with the grandpa. and that didn't happen. lesson learned i guess.

i will never understand what goes on inside his head. why he does what he does, acts the way he acts. he barely knows me. i mean, he knows me when i was itty bitty. but he doesn't know me as an adult. and he never will. he checked out when i was in the 6th grade. i have from time to time wondered how in the hell i came to be from the parents that i have. i just don't seem like either one of them. then i think wait a minute. i am more like my dad than i think. he doesn't seem able to function on certain emotional levels. and i often feel like i am socially retarded...don't do well in big crowds...suck at small talk....i'm basically a loner. which is scary. that i am so much like my dad. becasue if my relationship with my boys is anything like the relationship i have with my dad, or the relationship my dad has with my brother....just kill me now. i never want that for my boys.

and now i've gotten this out. i can move on. get over it. be done with it. at least for now.

off to work out.

Monday, May 05, 2008

couple of new paintings.

i recently opened an etsy shop. these two paintings have just been added to the shop. if you want to check it out, go here: