not sure i'm in love with my scanner.
it does not do well with this color (or kraft for that matter).
this is one of my all time absolute favorite photos of james.
i took it.
in february of 2008.
8 months before he died.
i remember this night vividly.
because it was snowing like a mo fo.
james had gotten home from work late (about 8pm) and then shoveled the driveway.
then said to me, "kimberly, lets go sledding."
so we did.
we left the boys in the house and went down the hill across the street.
i made james go first.
you know, in case it was a bad, bad idea.
that hill was steep.
with big rocks at the bottom.
kind of funny.
anyway, we had a freaking blast sledding.
me in my pj's.
classy, i know. but i had already put my pj's on. so i went with it.
there is no beauty without pain pretty much sums up a lot of how i feel about james' death.
if i didn't love him as crazily, as intensely as i did, i wouldn't be as sad as i have been. as i still am.
there was much beauty in our lives together.
only fitting, i suppose, now that he is gone, that the other side of that is pain.
this is the first art journal page i have done about james' death.
wasn't planning on doing it.
it just sort of happened last night.
inbetween letting a couple of pieces i am working on, dry.
it's so completely simple.
some paint. masking tape. james. my words.
and that's how i wanted it.
course when i came across this photo i had a complete breakdown.
one of those wrenching why did this happen kind of breakdowns.
the i miss you so much i can't breath kind.
the kind i had when i first came to astoria (to look at houses)....
when i walked around on the beach in the same mother fucking circle for two hours, crying, thinking....just generally being angry and sad that james had died.
those two instances stand out to me.
the one on the beach and the one last night.
they were turning points.
for what i am not sure.
but i felt differently after the first one on the beach.
and i feel differently today.