Tuesday, January 08, 2008

i feel like i need some direction.

maybe i should have chosen direction as my word for 2008 instead of perspective. oh well. perspective is just as important if not more so i suppose. i'm feeling tired. and unmotivated. it's cold....like freaking cold, windy and snowing. i'm drinking what's left of my tall non-fat mocha misto x hot no whip while alexander watches yo gabba gabba.

i should be folding laundry, washing more laundry, unloading the dishwasher (cleaning up the breakfast mess), dusting (i didn't get to it yesterday), cleaning the stairs, vacuuming upstairs (haven't vacuumed the boys rooms since we took down their trees). how bad is that. there are needles on their floors. yeah. mother of the year.

what i really feel like doing is art journaling/scrapping. i feel paralyzed and afraid to make something because it must meet this standard or that standard. so instead of worrying about what product is used, or what i'm scrapping for, i just want to go make something. no rules. no worry. no 'anything' it must have or not have. what i create might be crap but at least it will be something and it might help me get passed this whatever it is that i feel like is blocking my creativity.

i must admit that i enjoy it when people see my work and they like it. given that i'm as far from a traditional scrapper as you can get, some people just don't like my stuff. and that's okay. i don't scrap for anyone but myself. i scrap to create. to remember. to document our lives. we matter. i want my children to have what i do not, and that is photographs and memories from their childhood. from time to time i just need to remind myself why i am doing this. nice comments are icing on the cake....they make me feel good....but whether there are nice comments or not does not change the quality of my pages. need to get over the praise-hoe thing, eh?

getting off the computer now...going to fold laundry and start more. instead of complaining about lack of motivation i guess i'll get off my ass and do something.

1 comment:

jenscaleshr said...

Yeah - I know what you mean. We do it for US. For ourselves. Sometimes I forget that - I feel like I need to make it "better" or "more likeable" for others. Really - I just need to make it for ME.

I like your style and I like what you have to say. Keep on.