Tuesday, January 22, 2008

i wish i liked exercise.

but the cold hard truth of the matter? i just don't. i hate it. unless you count me riding E's scooter in the summer while he's on his bike exercise. then i think it's okay. i need to figure out some kind of exercise regime. so today i got on the machine. i stayed on for one minute longer than i said i would. hey. i just told you i hate exercise. but i did it. i did what i said i was going to do. tomorrow i'll stay on for two minutes longer.

i've heard you're supposed to feel great after a workout. um. so not true. i'm still as tired as i was before i started. oh. i see. i'm supposed to exercise for more than 1 day? what the hell.

i jammed out to some tunes on my iPod. helped make it bearable. i won't think about doing it again tomorrow..........until tomorrow. maybe that way i'll actually do it again tomorrow.

i wish little oliver could still go on puppy walks with me. i miss our daily puppy walk. at least during the summer oliver can walk to the mailbox with me, he can hang out in the front yard some and take itty bitty puppy walks. i'm looking forward to that this summer.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

playing with my new cam.

i was at a stoplight and the message on the billboard caught my eye: you have enough to worry about.
after i dropped E off at school today i actually drove around looking for cool photo op spots. these are just a couple of what i found.

oh come on. if you were four you'd wear snow boots with your shorts and short sleeved shirt too. wouldn't you.

something about this one....i just like it.

Monday, January 14, 2008

just because.

friedrich nietzsche quote i love:

the individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. if you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. but no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.

just felt like painting and slapping a pic down.

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

needed to create something today.

feeling exhausted. unmotivated. like i have no direction. bored? struggling to find my way with E. questioning myself. wondering....what's it gonna take to make these feelings go away. feeling overwhelmed. tired of the same thing every day yet happy to be able to stay home with the boys. looking for something. a little break from the same thing each and every day. feeling lucky. lucky to have james. and healthy children. what will it take to make this unsettled feeling go away? tired of just getting by. of just maintaining. tired of having no energy. tired of not sleeping, waking up 50 times a night. constantly strugggling and not sure how to find a way out. but i know i will.

Tuesday, January 08, 2008


when life happens things get put into perspective. i'm going to focus on that during the upcoming year. in celebration of this fact i made this page. if you want to know more about this page go here.

i feel like i need some direction.

maybe i should have chosen direction as my word for 2008 instead of perspective. oh well. perspective is just as important if not more so i suppose. i'm feeling tired. and unmotivated. it's cold....like freaking cold, windy and snowing. i'm drinking what's left of my tall non-fat mocha misto x hot no whip while alexander watches yo gabba gabba.

i should be folding laundry, washing more laundry, unloading the dishwasher (cleaning up the breakfast mess), dusting (i didn't get to it yesterday), cleaning the stairs, vacuuming upstairs (haven't vacuumed the boys rooms since we took down their trees). how bad is that. there are needles on their floors. yeah. mother of the year.

what i really feel like doing is art journaling/scrapping. i feel paralyzed and afraid to make something because it must meet this standard or that standard. so instead of worrying about what product is used, or what i'm scrapping for, i just want to go make something. no rules. no worry. no 'anything' it must have or not have. what i create might be crap but at least it will be something and it might help me get passed this whatever it is that i feel like is blocking my creativity.

i must admit that i enjoy it when people see my work and they like it. given that i'm as far from a traditional scrapper as you can get, some people just don't like my stuff. and that's okay. i don't scrap for anyone but myself. i scrap to create. to remember. to document our lives. we matter. i want my children to have what i do not, and that is photographs and memories from their childhood. from time to time i just need to remind myself why i am doing this. nice comments are icing on the cake....they make me feel good....but whether there are nice comments or not does not change the quality of my pages. need to get over the praise-hoe thing, eh?

getting off the computer now...going to fold laundry and start more. instead of complaining about lack of motivation i guess i'll get off my ass and do something.

Monday, January 07, 2008

this is what we did yesterday morning.

alexander and rachel on their way down, E on his way back up.
a perfect sunny day. what better way to spend your morning? meet up with neighbors and sled. nothing better.

E taking the penguin way down.

it became known as the body bag. 'nuff said. wait. not 'nuff said. who was it that talked me into going down on a garbage bag instead of an actual sled??? thanks jan. yes, that's me flying by alexander and his little friend juliette.

okay.....whatever....i wanted to upload a pic of james speeding down the hill but blogger refuses to let me add one more photo! and i need to go do other things now. >insert truly pissed off glare here<

Thursday, January 03, 2008

first LOs of 2008.

these are my two LOs for scrapgal for january. yep. still stuck on white cardstock. it had been a while since i scrapped. i feel rusty. as i sit here and type my boys are using my scrap table and are eh hem..."scrapping". oy. what a mess i will have when they are done. upswing? they are playing nicely together. it won't last. with that said, tiem to get off the 'puter.

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

i have learned many things.

the beginning of 2008 brings me out of the haze and craziness that was december. i love christmas, and the hustle and bustle and family time. i wouldn't trade it for the world. yet it leaves me exhausted.

christmas this year was different. and that's not a bad thing. it was just different.
christmas eve with james' family at our house.
christmas morning with james' family at our house.
christmas dinner with james' family at our house.
my mom flying in, staying one night then me driving her to my brother's house and staying one night there.
my mom and i not being together at christmas.
my mom coming to our house the day after christmas and spending the night. we had that and it was good. i am grateful for everything we had this christmas.

i really do consider myself one of the luckiest people on the planet.
my kids are healthy (knock on wood).
james is a hunka hunka burnin' love with long sexy locks and is doing well health-wise. (again, knock on wood).
we have so many things. my new camera. james' new flat screen plasma. our washer is on its last legs but hey. if it works that just means i'm doing laundry and who wants to do that.
i am thankful for the time i have with my mom.

for 2008 i'm all about perspective. i hope to keep everything in perspective and just be grateful for every single thing i have and every single person in my life. that's how i am starting out 2008.