painted this today. it's in my etsy shop here.
i want to let go of all of this sadness.
but i think i'm scared that if i do, it will be as if i am letting go of james and what our life meant together.
because i think my life will go in such a different direction now.
cannot get enough jack johnson.
the smell of gesso, canvas and paint....there is nothing like it.
still consuming massive amounts of caffeine.
and wanting to consume massive amounts of alcohol.
had a couple of hours to myself today. it was effing awesome. i painted (duh). i sat. and breathed. i listened to music. i ran some errands (bought a new paintbrush, some canvas and stretcher bars). my favoriate brush had a little accident the other night. i fucked around with sewing machine until i figured out what was wrong with it.
currently listening to sting (shape of my heart). it's mellow. full of feeling. i need that. for 5 minutes. then i'll be back to wanting it loud and rocking.
CANNOT get enough music.
so so so tired of feeling this way. just want it to go away.
trying to be thankful for every little bit of peace i feel, every deep breath i can take. for every single second i can laugh and/or smile...for every email i receive that helps me forget (at least for a few minutes).