i was up until almost 3:00am last night. or is it this morning. no, i was not partying. i was at home. the boys were asleep. i rang in the new year very quietly chatting with an old friend. and it was a nice way to start the year.
but...since i was up so late we got rather a late start for our roadtrip today. but we are now in brookings, oregon. the ocean. the mist. it lightly rained (which i like). we found a place to stay (which included a hot tub and an indoor swimming pool). the boys couldn't be happier. we've been in the hot tub twice and the swimming pool two times too. 8 hours is pretty long for two young boys to sit quietly and not fight. but they did it.
the boys are trying to sleep. and i say 'trying' loosely. they are pretty wound up (that's what happens to my boys. the more tired they get, the more wound up they get). oh joy.
in the morning we will check out this little town, get a starbucks (yes...i checked....they have one). we will drive further north. and find another place to stay. holy crap. that means we will have like a 10 hour drive home! eeeeks!!
8 hours was a long drive. some of which i listened to music, and some of which i listened to scooby doo (and every other lame-ass kid show you can think of that we have). but i also found some time to just think. i do that when i drive. and the boys were pretty good. god i hope i just didn't curse myself for tomorrow!
i plan on spending some time at the beach tomorrow morning. don't care if it rains or not. some time near the water will help me think. i'm jjust hoping i don't completely lose it in front of the boys. i had no idea what taking this trip would feel like. what i would feel like being back at the ocean again.
we're just going. i really wanted to do this today. to start the year off this way. but it's pretty bizarre. this is the first trip just the three of us have taken. i really miss james. so much. and i was worried a bit too...what if i got a flat. what if my car broke down. having james there, with me, for everything we did...it just made me feel secure. now i am having to rely only on myself. and it scares me. i seem to be filled with doubt and the what-if's. but we made it. so we can make it home safely too. i hope.
tomorrow i'm hoping for some clarity. yeah. that would be a nice trick! but a girl can hope, can't she?!