HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

I am giddy with excitement. I sent an email to the dudes at sweetwater checking on a place to stay next weekend. It's a three bedroom house and it looks fab. hopefully i'll hear something tomorrow. hopefully james will get the dto so i can book the pad. i already bought the boys a new spongebob dvd for the long ass drive. yes. i'm going to let them watch spongebob. hey. you would too if you were going to have two kids in the car with you for six hours. but i don't care. we're going. and we will eat at the wharf. the best food on the planet. crunchy green salad. crab cocktail. lobster. stuffed petrale soul. oh crap...there is no way in hell i will stay within my WW points. but right now i don't care. i just want to go. and enjoy. sit on the beach. watch the boys play. hmmm...i must dig out the beach toys (the lake tahoe toys AND the other toys upstairs in E's closet). beach toys are a must for the trip. and kites. i can already smell the hot coffee (which i will drink while sitting on the beach). dude. it's not exactly roasting hot on the northern CA coast in feb. we will drink wine (maybe even champagne) since i like it so much better. the house has a hot tub. dude. we will take walks on the beach. we will go tide pooling. we will wander the quaint shops in the village. the boys can have ice cream. hmmm. we could take the kayaks and check out the sea caves. or just paddle down noyo. we will just get away. even if for only two nights. E will miss one day of school. but we need this.

every once in a while...

out of the blue someone surprises me. that happened yesterday. they gave me a little nudge. a little 'you can do it'. just what i needed. if it works out...great. if not....well...i can at least tell myself i tried. it will never happen if i take no action.

i really don't have much to say today.

alexander is still sick (but getting better).
E is now sick.
i'm hungry.
i'm going to kick some ass tonight (playing a game with james).
here's a LO. just because i feel like posting one.
hmmm...looks totally funky though. it's all grainy. WTF?! no time to fix. the pp really isn't ugly and grainy. now it's story time and get the munchkins to bed.

it's monday. def a monday.

met with E's teacher today after school to talk about his progress report. he's doing well. um....just needs a bit of work in the following directions dept. she says he follows directions well....when HE wants to. she said she has to spend too much time instructing/directing him. heh. join the club girlfriend.

there are several sections at which he meets the standards (for the end of the kindergarten year) and she said by the end of the year he will definitely exceed the standards.

there are a few sections at which he already exceeds the standards (for the end of the kindergarten year). WOOT. i'm happy about that. i was VERY worried i hadn't properly prepared him for school.

i have been working hard with him on his writing. now to work on the 'tude and taking responsibility for his actions. heh again. boys will be boys. he seems to only admit he's done soemthing he's not supposed to when he sees the teacher coming.

did a shitload of laundry today. that's always fun. NOT. i'm not cooking dinner (james called and said he's working late). i'll just fix something quick for the boys and i'll scrounge in the fridge. or eat more yogurt.

and oh yeah..james. i need more granola. i can't stop eating dannon light & fit yogurt (it's 1 point and only 60 calories). i eat that for lunch with some granola. SO yummy. maybe i'll eat an apple too. i always forget how good they taste until i take a bite of one of the kids' apples.

tonight i'm either scrapping or watching the devil wears prada. not sure which it's gonna be yet. i would do both but if it's a movie i haven't seen before i like to just watch it. i might watch desperate housewives on my ipod while i scrap.

oh yeah. did i mention both my kids are sick? yeah. good times. HA.

what does a little rum, some good friends...

and a wii equal??? a rocking awesome good time. yes. we geeked out and all played with james' wii last night. we bowled. we boxed. (and i kicked some ass)...lol... it was a late night and full of fun! the kids all played nicely together. the adults acted like kids...lol...(i didn't drink...not a good thing when trying to drop the weight). i made brownies (didn't eat any) but everyone else did. and it was just some good fun!

james now has a little video. of me. boxing. it was taken from behind. need i say more? when i find it james....i will delete it. you took waaaay too much pleasure in laughing at me. lol...

bummer.

no sledding for us today. alexander is sick. i was up with him a lot last night. did sign E up for t ball today. he loves it or we wouldn't be doing it again. james will coach and lucky me...well....i'm the team mom. again. it's a serious time commitment. and hard on alexander since he's too young to play and wants to really badly. anyway...we'll figure it out. that's what we do.

okay. feel like posting a LO. and it just happens to be one of me and alexander! it's one i did last weekend. i've scrapped since but the LOs i scrapped are for the SG newsletter and can't be posted yet. the heart idea is something i saw ashley wren do (she didn't use a pipe cleaner she used sequins) but i so dig the pipe cleaner.

kathryn, mike and the girls are coming for dinner. that should be fun! i'm baking brownies just for mike. and special cupcakes for me and kathryn (low-fat). the kids can have whichever thing they want.

now it's time for story, to settle the little zan man down (he coughs so much when he lays down)...it's time for his rest.

good thing i didn't tell E.

my father was a no show. alexander woke up sneezing and has a runny nose. so...being the nice person that i am.....STOP LAUGHING......i emailed my dad and told him zanzie is sick. my dad opted to not take a chance on becoming sick himself.

we're supposed to go sledding tomorrow. not sure if we'll still go if alexander isn't feeling any better. it would be fun. haven't seen kathryn for a couple of weeks. or the girls...ash and em...it would be fun to hang out at the cabin kreuger has. we'll see.

it's left over night. E is doing his homework as i sit here. i'm going to finish up the disc of grey's i have tonight. maybe watch devil wears prada. not sure if it's my kind of flick. do like meryl streep though.

now i'm off to help the zan man. poor little guys just isn't feelin' it today. :(

it would appear that...

my father is coming to my house tomorrow. briefly. but he's coming just the same. ~deep breath~ he's coming to the airport to pick up his wife so basically he's passing through. i won't tell the boys (because my family...coughMYBROTHER and SIL in PARTICULARcough have a bad habit of saying they will show up (with cousins) and then they don't show. that leaves me with a very upset E (he LOVES his cousins and doesn't get to see them often). so i won't say anything and if the grandpa shows up then E gets a little surprise. won't mean much to alexander. my dad will not hug the boys but will interact for about five min with E. not at all with alexander. hope we can find something to talk about. that's a tough one since i'm not an arson investigator, i don't 'love' trains and i'm not a pilot and therefore obsessed with airplanes.

surprise date night.

we all know i have issues with my kids. oh..well...wait. some of you probably DON'T know that. well i do. i have issues with leaving them for long periods....issues with taking them somewhere to be watched while i/we do other things. SO. james called auntie trish (his sister) and she came over tonight with her kids to our house. and james and i went out on a date. so so so so awesome. and so so so so needed.

we had a drink. some food. conversation. uh....hello. concept. no yelling at kids. no rushing to shovel food into our mouths so the kids don't get too bored. it was nice. i wore something other than my 'mom' uniform. we stopped at starbucks on the way home. it was just nice. hope to do it again sometime.

so james...thank you. i love you. i only wish it wasn't over so quickly.

seriously.

how do i stop this downward spiral of bad events/feelings that seem to be happening?

and what the hell happened last night? i have no clue.

i'm in a bad place. i know that. just not sure how to fix it.

this is what i have to say today.

if it doesn't happen now. it will later. keep trying.

sometimes.

sometimes i can't believe i have kids.
sometimes i don't remember life before them.
sometimes i want to scream.
sometimes i want to cry (for no apparent reason).
sometimes i want to run away.
sometimes i want to do nothing more than surround myself with cuddly warm little boys (two in particular).
sometimes i want to eat ice cream. no. make that most always.
sometimes i want to paint. sometimes i do.
sometimes i want to scrap. often i do.
sometimes i want to eat dark chocolate. no. make that always.
sometimes i want to go on a road trip. like now.
sometimes i want to just sleep. doesn't that sound nice?
sometimes i want to kiss my husband. so i do.
sometimes i want to give up. but i'm not going to.
sometimes i'm perfecty content. sometimes.....
here's a LO i did over the weekend.

vicious cycle!

i have got to stop this vicious cycle of staying up too late. i've had two dizzy spells today. actually i've had them on and off for the last couple of weeks maybe?? but the last couple of weeks i have really truly been exhausted! that coupled with not eating much...probably not the best combo! i've been eating enough..but just enough....this is the first time i've stuck to the 'lose weight' thing and i'm afraid to mess it up. i have such an addictive personality. it's all or nothing with me. so i'm choosing to not go with 'all'.

i took a nap with ethan today. slept for an hour. sweet. but the problem? now i won't be ready for bed tonight at what should be (and probably is for most people) a normal bedtime. maybe i'll stay up for a while and scrap a page. then watch brothers and sisters. then go to bed. midnight...maybe i'll be ready for bed by then. that's early. i'll probably go to bed at midnight then toss and turn for an hour. see. it IS a vicious cycle. not sure how to break it.

i have just had absolutely no energy. nada. zilcho! james is making dinner. he said i get the night off. woot. but seriously. all i did today was help james with the christmas lights (take off the plastic hanger uppper thingies...and put them in the boxes, then hand the boxes to him so he could put them in the attic. oh and i did one load of laundry and unloaded the dishwasher. big woop. i have done nothing today! i have had absolutely no motivation!

did i mention e is being a beast today? he is. oy. rude. grumpy. yelling at zan. i think poor james has had enough. i know i have! wish i could figure out why some days he is like this. god....i just hope he gets over it before school tomorrow. i so do not want to go to the principal's office.

i do believe i have...

two of the crankiest children on the planet right now! lol.. every two seconds alexander breaks down in a heart-wrenching all-out cry. he's tired. E is tired too. to bed with them early tonight. it's faux date-night for me and the j-man. we're gonna watch a movie together and actually go to bed at the same time tonight. concept.

tomorrow is sunday. where does the weekend go? my kids crave time with their daddy and that time just flies by.

james made dinner tonight. yummy. pot stickers (made with lean chicken). delsih. he also made fish stew (with halibut and shrimp). it was tasty.

i'm personally craving...and i do mean seriously get in my way i'll hurt you kind of craving chocolate. and a coke. strange. well not the chocolate thing...dude...i LOVE chocolate. but the coke thing? i don't drink much soda!

okay. helped out with an online crop at SG last night and off and on today. i produced five bee-u-tee-ful LOs. heh. at least i think so. this is one of 'em.

pad. day 16.

journaling is hidden under the pic.

yesterday i spent way too much time cleaning up after my husband and children. toys. dishes. shoes. hats. gloves. more dishes. more toys. am i invisible? i am more than this. see me for who i really am. appreciate me for what i do. and pick up your damn shit.

pad. day 15.

3 faces of me

i am not photogenic and that has made me very aware of how i look in photographs. so on the rare occasion i'm not the one behind the camera i always try to remember the right way to position myself to produce the best possible pic. sad...but true. x mas day '06

in other news...down 26 pounds. 26. sweet.

i am not feeling scrappy!

but i have scrappy things to do. i hate not feeling it. sucks some ass. i did a page today and i'm going to look at it again in the morning and see how it strikes me. that's not a good sign....having to put a page aside and decide if i like it later.

on a side note, have you ever scrapped while you were drunk? i have. lol.. it's not a good way to scrap. i don't recommend it. me having no mojo just reminded me of the last big scrap night at kathryn's where we had margaritas (and lots of 'em). and no. i don't drink often. really.

it's 9:00. think i should make my kids go to bed now? yeah. mother of the year. right here. i just sent them upstairs to brush teeth. now it's time for story.

maybe a little grey's for me tonight. and the nonfat decaf mocha (extra hot) i ordered a few days ago from starbucks. it's not extra hot anymore. but i have a microwave so it will be later.

pad 11, 12, 13, 14 and 15.

11 is done. it's for the SG newsletter so i can't post it.
12 is done. it's also for the SG newsletter so i can't post it.
13. Uh...well....didn't do that one. lol...
14. done. just need to scan and then i'll post.
15. yeah. need to get on it.

ever have that 'bad' feeling? you know...that feeling in the pit of your stomach? well i've been having that off and on for a while now. today i found out why. it's something that rears its ugly head even when i try to forget about it. nothing like a call from the dr to bring it all rushing back to the surface. ah...well...it will be okay. it just will.

i'm tired of being stupid but too lazy to fix it.

wish i knew how to put up a coolio blog banner. but i don't. wish i wasn't a retard when it came to computers. but i am. and frankly, i'm too lazy to figure it out. don't have the time. the time that i do have i want to spend doing something else. entirely.

no page a day today. not feelin' it. and scrapping isn't supposed to be about stressing yourself out. so instead i will spend some time with james.

wish we were going to the beach this weekend. but we aren't. things happen.

as i sit here james is on his way home. with dinner. yes. i am not cooking. which is nice. and needed. this weekend will be filled with mundane chores instead of beautiful ocean, cold water and sea breezes. no playing in the sand. no dinner at the wharf. no inhaling so deep it makes my lungs hurt because if i don't inhale every scent of sea air i'm afraid i can never get enough. no getting away from the everyday. at least not today. no feeling emotions so strongly i want to cry. not because i'm sad...well...maybe a little sad...because i miss the life that comes in this place... no gazing in awe at the pure beauty. no just being so happy to be away doing something different. no sharing all this with james, and my boys....at least not today.

instead i have a huge headache. and i'm freezing my ass off. and i don't want to do laundry. and i don't want to unload the dishwasher. yes. it's still full from last night. and i don't want to listen to my boys bicker. enough already. they play well...then they fight. then they play well....then they fight. and my head...it just pounds. i'm bored. yes. that's it. i think i'm bored. but i'm sure grocery shopping this weekend will fix that right up. maybe i'll even take the kids. that would make it an adventure. doesn't that sound fun?

pad. day 10

i did one. but this isn't it. can't post it yet. so in its place, here's a LO i did for the jan SG newsletter. nothing like a little hambly. then a little more hambly. a little HS (chipboard alpha). mix in a little bazzill, a little paint. what do you get? a happy me.

side note: i'm down 24 lbs. well, it's really more than a side note for me. one more pound and i will be down to the weight i was when james and i met.....oh soooooooooooooooo long ago. but i'm not stopping at that one lb. i haven't decided my ultimate goal, i just know i'm not there yet.

let me just add i'm stoked that i lost three lbs this week. after gaining 1 during christmas, then losing ONLY that 1 the week after christmas i was beginning to get a little bit discouraged. now my resolve is firm. as long.....that is....as i save enough points for starbucks, m&m's and the occasional chunk of chocolate right out of the package. i'm even learning to enjoy hot cocoa (made at home....GASP...) add in a little fat free cool whip and voila. a nice beverage to help keep my freezing ass warm. it's freaking cold here.

pad. day 9.

journaling: sometimes i feel like life is a blur and things are out of control. emily falconbridge inspired. totally.

pad. day 8.

felt like painting so i made an art journal page. used one of my catslife press stamps. it says: create something. i so dig catslifepress and fontwerks...and purple onion and so many more...

pad. day 7.

pad. day 6.

okay. this one sucks. if i could have made it work (and i probably could if i spent more time on it) it could have been cool. it has coolness potential. but i'm tired of looking at it. so it is done. i am moving on.

i leave you with these words: "I know he thinks you're fine and stuff, but does he know how to wind you up?" can't stop listening to gwen stefani. her cd rocks. my ipod rocks. thanks again james.

pad. day 5

i'm in a slump. this is not my fave. love the pic itself, just had a hard time putting this one together. Maybe it's because there's no paint. I scrap in two modes. Paint...where I get messy and dig it. The other mode...well...for me it's like putting a puzzle together. I start picking things out, seeing if they work. If they don't I put something back, try something else until I get something I like. I've been trying to stretch myself. To do things outside my comfort zone. So yeah. I did two LOs without paint. But I'm thinking it's time to bust out that paint again.

And why in the hell do my LOs look so crappy on Blogger? They look fine in photobucket, in SG, on 2 Peas...but on here? It's all fuzzy and that's some weird shit.

pad. day 4.

No paint. So no one pass out.

Hambly
More Hambly
7 Gs gaffer tape
7 Gs sticker
Prima flowers

There aren't even any staples on this one.
What's wrong with me.

pad. day 3.

Page a day. Day 3. This was also for a challenge to use up some old supplies (10 dif ones to be exact). Mine were:
cardstock
paint
pp (AC and MM)
staples. yep. they count.
Prima flower
brad (unknown origin)
EK Success mini alphas. omg. seriously. will i ever be able to use those up???? i don't even have that many. but they last for freaking ever!
DMC embroidery thread
buttons
AC rub on


The boys had fun at Sawyer and Riley's party today. They swam so hard. They were SO tired. But the poor kids were on such a sugar high it took forever for them to crash. But they're both in bed now. Aaaaaaahh. Silence. There's nothing like it.

Did groove to some Gwen today while I did this page. I'm diggin her latest.

pad 2

So far I'm two for two. Yeah...big woop you might say. Well it's a big deal for me. I have a hard time creating a page a day. It's hard to find the time because a) I am the world's slowest scrapper 2) it's just plain ole hard to find the time. But here it is.

Now on to other stuff. Today was busy.
Laundry. check
More laundry. check
Unload dishwasher. check
Make breakfast for the boys. check
Make lunch for the boys. check
Make dinner for all of us. check
Put towels in car for Christine. check
Go to Target to buy birthday presents for the twins. check
Wrap said birthday presents. check
Put them in car. check
Pack boys' suits, towels and dry clothes. check
Creat a LO. check
Okay, it doesn't really seem like I was all that busy. But remember. I did have the boys here with me. E is out of school until Jan 8th.
Now I'm off to finish my decaf mocha which has been in the fridge for a couple of days.
Tomorrow is another busy day. Meeting the Becks for the twins' birthday party.
There will be swimming.
And screaming kids.
Oh yeah...must go pack Tylenol. I'm sure I'll need it.

I am going to try and create a page a day.

This is day 1. Hmmmm...kind of a crappy scan. It's Bazzill, paint, Hambly rub on (doh), HS chip alpha (which is brown in case you can't really tell).

We'll see how the pad thing goes. I'm not a fast scrapper. But I'm trying to push myself. To overthink less and DO more.

First day of the new year.

The first day of the new year was pretty casual around here. It was nice. Got all the Christmas decos back out to the garage. Dug out from the mess. I never left the house today. I'm wearing sweats. I took a nap. Aaaaaaaaaah. Yes. Nice. Easy dinner. Dishes are done. I'm going to scrap tonight. Not feelin' my mojo but I want to push through it.