Wednesday, December 13, 2006

My father is really a stranger.

He's my father. But ever since he cheated on my mom (and with her best friend)...all the while my mom was self-medicating with relationship with my father...well....lets just say we hug when we see each other (once or twice a year) but we don't have much to talk about. It's just strange. Damn strange. I just got done reading an email he sent (to a bunch of people of which I was one) saying (and in passing I might add) that he thought he had prostate cancer but in fact, does not. Just an...oh...btw kind of thing. WTH? I really do feel like we are strangers. the guy thinks he has cancer and just casually mentions in an email that no, he really doesn't?!

Made me realize I'm really not ready to hear that something really is wrong with my dad (even though our relationship is the way it is). He has no clue of my likes, my dislikes, how I feel about my childhood. He will never know. I don't even think he is interested. I don't even think if he was I would be fully able to vocalize everything in the right way.

But after all this time I have realized my father still holds power over me. Not exactly power. That's wrong. He still affects me. Even though we really don't know each other anymore. It's just so be strangers with someone so influential in your life.

1 comment:

JenSmack said...

I can certainly understand why it would affect you... I hope you're doing okay.

Hugs, sweetie.