For 2007.....

I would like:
to continue losing weight.
health for my family (yes I have someone particular in mind) but of course everyone. this really is #1 for me. but i'm too lazy to move this to the top.
happiness for my family.
to stop wasting time.
to be motivated.
to be recognized in some way (scrapping-related).
to be nicer.
to have more patience.
to travel. mendocino. london. paris...to name a few. there are many more places i want to go.
to have more time to create. i hate feeling like there is not enough time.
to not be tired.
to not feel sad.
for illness or death not to touch me. at least for a while. ok?
there's more. but alexander is now here helping. yeah. that's what he calls it.

A little music and some organization.

Is it wrong that I left James to tend to the boys (give them a bath) while I went online and figured out our wild Christmas spending? And then I cleaned off my scrap desk. All the while listening to my new Gwen Stefani cd on my ipod.

Organization. Sometimes I just need it. I crave it. I know it won't last long. But for the few brief minutes it is so nice. And I always say to myself, THIS time I will keep my space cleaner, put things away instead of just dumping/stacking them up until they fall. Not likely...really not likely. But there's always a chance.

Just got back from sledding.

James and Alexander are sleeping. Ethan is hanging with me. I should be cleaning. Undecorating the trees. Yeah. Um. Here I go. Ha. I'm feeling unmotivated.

I'm also hoping that my disapointments end with the close of 2006. Good things can (and should) happen. Right? I know you need to believe in yourself. Even if no one else does. I will try.

I guess if I'm going to undecorate the trees why bother cleaning first. Right? Right. Glad you agree. Now I have a valid excuse for not cleaning my house.

At least dinner is already made. Not so sure I want to weigh in on Wednesday. Will anyway. But I don't think I will have lost any more. Oh I know. I'll get my hair cut before Wed. That should do it. Those 2 ounces will make all the difference in the world. Who cares how it happens, I just want that scale to show some results.

Had enough of my nonsensical thinking? It's scary how my mind works. Seriously.

I really want some onion dip made with fat free sour cream (with carrots and celery to dip into it). I so need to buy groceries. Are grocery stores closing early tomorrow? Probably so. Guess if I want food I better go early. I'm hungry right now. And trying to not eat. Guess I should get up and do something to keep myself busy. I'm going. This time I really am.

I am not dead. Just busy!

All my family is now back in their respective homes. I spent the day returning/exchanging things and cleaning the sty. I'm not done. Far from it. It was so nice to have everyone here. I'm sad my mom is gone. James went back to work today. I'm sure he would have rather stayed home. But someone has to keep me in Starbucks. Right?

I'm using my NEW laptop. That James got me for Christmas. Yay. No more sharing the upstairs computer with the boys. Or James. I don't have any of my faves but James says he will export them for me soon.

Saturday down come the trees. All four of them. It will be nice to get our house back in order but it's also sad that this Christmas is coming to an end. It was great. Alexander was sick but he is finally getting better. Yay for that. Poor guy. He was miserable for several days.

I have yet to look at the pics taken over Christmas. I have no clue if any of them turned out. Now it's time to put the chillin's to bed. They are still recovering from a very very busy week.

Maybe sometime soon I will scrap. I did get some new Fontwerks, Purple Onion and Catslife Press stamps for Christmas I have yet to use. And I should.

Yes people.

He IS grabbing my boob. Should I use this for our Christmas cards?

I am neurotic. Maybe I'm psychotic. Maybe I'm both.

Ever feel down and have no reason for feeling that way? It's not because of the holidays. I love Christmas. I love to see it through my kids' eyes. I love the magic. I love the whole big messy loud event. But I am feeling down. And I don't know why.

Totally unrealted....my husband gets me. Last night I was in a cleaning frenzy. I tend to do that when I feel like things are out of control. He saw me about to take the garbage out and said he would do it. But he didn't mean right then. He saw the look in my eyes. Stopped what he was doing and went and took the garbage out. He knows me like NO ONE else.

I think...

I think my scrapping style is very different. I love to use paint. I like it funky. I am so not your traditional or classic scrapper. And I like it that way. I couldn't change it even if I tried. I don't know how to do 'classic' scrapping. It's not...well...in me. Scrapping to me is a creative outlet. It's a way for me to immerse myself, to forget everything else. If at least for a few minutes. And I love that. But I've also noticed my style is not the most popular. People like cleaner layouts than what I do. It's just something I've noticed. It's not something I'm particularly upset about. And it's not something that will make me change my style. It is...just something...I have noticed.

That being said, and not even really related (I just feel like posting a LO)...here's a LO I did a couple of days ago. I like it. Even if no one else does. It was fun. I played, experimented and I love doing that. I realize not everything must be a masterpiece. And believe me, they're not. But this one I like. It's the color. It's the paint. It's the pic (I made it purple). It's all of it together. I think it just works. So even if no one else does...I do. And that's what matters.

8 days until Christmas.

This is what we did tonight. A little family picture taking. The first pic is me and James in front of the tree in the living room. The second pic is the boys in front of the tree in the fam room. And believe me....we took hundreds of pics. Only a few of them came out. But some did. And for that I am glad. We even have some of all of us together!

Tonight I am finishhing the wrapping. Yes. I said finishing. Except for the few things that are still to be delivered. You see...we had a little crisis over the weekend. For weeks...and I mean WEEKS I have been asking E what he is going to ask for from Santa. And every day the answer was the same. A cherry picker. Same thing Alexander wants. Okay. Fine. Great. In fact, I've had two of them up in my closet for WEEKS. So what's wrong then, you ask? Well...took the boys to see Santa this weekend. And when Santa asked Ethan what he wants, his answer was NOT a cherry picker. Holy freakin crap. Did he just say, "Mario boy"?!! Yes. I am so fucking screwed. lol... SO...after we got home we got online. I mean seriously. Does anyone (aside from Ethan) even know what a Mario boy is???? So James took his best guess and found a Mario action figure online. Don'tcha just love expecited shipping? We also found a Mario Kart remote control well...kart...and for Alexander a Yoshi Kart. Again. Don'tcha just love expedited shipping? Well I do. Yeah. All except for the part of how much freaking more it costs.

But what are ya gonna do. The kid wants a Mario boy for Christmas. And I want absolutely every second my kids believe in Santa. So expedited shipping it will be.

My mom comes in five days. Her husband a week from today. My brother, his wife and their three boys the day after that. I have much to do. I even have some scrapping I must do. One more assignment and then I'm done for Dec. And I will take a break and just focus on Christmas...family....and fun.

So many things to do and I'm doing none of them.

A bunch of scrapping deadlines.
Christmas shopping. STILL.
My SIL had surgery today. She's fine but I need to go see her tomorrow.
I'm in the classroom in the morning.
I need to wrap presents. AGAIN. (I've been wrapping as I go but have gotten behind).
Heh. There's a surprise.
Plan menu for while family is here for Christmas.
Shop for food for while family is here for Christmas.
Scrap. I must scrap. I really really must scrap.
Drink mocha. Yes. Definitely a must.
Oh yes. I'm also planning E's school Christmas party.
Bought the materials for the craft project for the party yesterday.
That's a whole nother story right there.
Lets just say I was gone for TWO hours and leave it at that.
Need to make the craft (dog biscuit ornament) so the kids have one to look at while making theirs.
Need to precut all the felt (holly leaves and dog ears).
Need to mail Will, Phoebe and Brian's presents. IF Will's ever gets here.
Need to clean my house. My mom arrives in a week.
Really need to clean my house. omg...
Need to figure out what to get my brother.
He's SO hard to buy for.
Need to get one or two more things for the boys.
Need to scrap. Or did I mention that already.
Now I'm getting off the computer. I'm going to do.........well..not sure what yet.
But something.

Down 19 pounds.

Weighed in today. I'm down 19 pounds. And it rocks.

My father is really a stranger.

He's my father. But ever since he cheated on my mom (and with her best friend)...all the while my mom was self-medicating with alcohol....my relationship with my father...well....lets just say we hug when we see each other (once or twice a year) but we don't have much to talk about. It's just strange. Damn strange. I just got done reading an email he sent (to a bunch of people of which I was one) saying (and in passing I might add) that he thought he had prostate cancer but in fact, does not. Just an...oh...btw kind of thing. WTH? I really do feel like we are strangers. the guy thinks he has cancer and just casually mentions in an email that no, he really doesn't?!

Made me realize I'm really not ready to hear that something really is wrong with my dad (even though our relationship is the way it is). He has no clue of my likes, my dislikes, how I feel about my childhood. He will never know. I don't even think he is interested. I don't even think if he was I would be fully able to vocalize everything in the right way.

But after all this time I have realized my father still holds power over me. Not exactly power. That's wrong. He still affects me. Even though we really don't know each other anymore. It's just so strange......to be strangers with someone so influential in your life.

Christmas party last night, hang over today??

Nope. I learned my lesson last year. Plus I am still sick. But we went out last night anyway. It's been...I can't even remember how long since it was just James and I (no kids). Had a lot of fun with some friends. Food sucked. Band sucked. Dude. The ONE night I give myself permission to eat 'normal' amounts of food and not worry about how many points I was eating...and the food sucked!! lol.... But it was nice to be out.

Did have a new delish shot called a copper camel. It's butterscotch something and something else. Yeah...I have NO clue what's in it but I do know Mike will make me one any time I want. He likes to see people drunk. Women in particular.

I am having a hard time keeping my eyes open so I think I'll lay down this afternoon while Alexander is resting and I'll cuddle with Ethan. Maybe we'll both fall asleep. James is at work.

Here's what I intend to do. I've already unloaded the dishwasher, done two loads of laundry, made lunch, emptied many garbage cans, done some dishes....so I'm going to leave the rest. I'm going to give myself 30 minutes....MAYBE even an hour (depending on the children, of course), to scrap. I have something new I want to try. I think if I was able to just sit down and create a page from beginning to end without stopping a zillion million times I would pass out. Seriously.

Never...I repeat NEVER..........

Never....I repeat NEVER go on a field trip with your oldest and leave your youngest home with his daddy. When you come home all of his beautiful blonde locks will be gone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Okay...yes. He needed a hair cut. But da-um. It's taking some getting used to. So much hair is gone.

Totally unrelated to my traumatic day of coming home to an unrecognizable child, here's a LO I did yesterday. Yes. I scrapped. Don't pass out. Okay...because I'm soooo freaking stupid, I can't get the LO to post on the bottom. ~sigh~

I am such a sucker.

We let the boys each pick out a tree for their rooms. All on their own they went and came dragging back what they thought to be THE BEST trees in the world.

LOVE this picture of Alexander. Love it. Look at his face...the wonder. Now tell me that wasn't worth having to go out three times (first time the boys have each had a tree in their rooms) so of course we needed two more stands. Then we needed more lights. Then we needed...yeah...you get the idea. Anyway, it was so worth it. The boys decorated their trees all on their own. SO freaking adorable to watch them. Ethan was very excited. Alexander didn't care at all until he saw how much fun Ethan was having. Then he really got into it. I wish I would have thought to take a pic of E by his tree with all the lights out in his room except for the ones on the tree. Guess I can still do it. I should.

We are such suckers. Our little trees cost us ....hmmm....how much???? Not even going to find out. I'm just going to enjoy the looks on their faces and remember the fun they had decorating their own trees.

Alexander was just SO proud of how he put all the green ball ornaments all right next to each other on ONE limb. lol.. Poor limb is probably gonna droop all the way to the floor before Santa gets here! This is something I definitely want to remember.

Can you see me? Or am I invisible.

I am not invisible.
Even though I often feel like it.
Staying home with my children IS an important job.
Even though it RARELY feels like it.
One day something worth it will happen to me.
I just need to be patient.
These are things I tell myself.

Two recent LOs.

The top one is Alexander. He's just a couple of months old there. Some fab 7 Gs pp, some delish Hambly, paint, masking tape, staples...

The second is also Alexander and it was fun to do. I sanded the hell out of the pic (to make Alexander pop) and to blend the background. Put some Gin-X expressions right on the pic and then sanded them almost all the way off. I like the affect. More 7 Gs pp. A vintage button, masking tape, acrylic gel medium, ink and of course...paint. Ha. These were two of my LOs for SG for Dec. I seem to be on a masking tape craze of late.

Tonight you will find me by the fire, wrapping presents. Also scrapping. I started a page earlier today while my sick boys were sleeping. It felt good to sit at my desk. To focus on something I enjoy (even it it was only for 10 minutes). I vow to use no masking tape on this LO.

I love the peace of late night.

I love to sit in the family room by the fire, look at the tree and wrap presents. We made a big change in our house this year. A fake tree. ~GASP~ Yup. I said fake tree. A first for me. I'm not wild about it. I just don't think I'm a fake tree kind of girl. It doesn't 'smell' like Christmas. But each year we struggle with the feeling guilty about killing a tree thing. I mean, really, what's the point...right? We cut down this big tree that's been growing for YEARS, drag it home and into the house and then decorate it. It's sort of an odd tradition when you really think about it. And after Christmas is over, we undecorate the tree, drag it out of the house only for it to be turned into mulch. Poor tree.

We put up two trees each year. One in the fam room and one in the living room. Well James didn't want me to go cold turkey so we went and got our second tree this weekend. Just took the boys to a lot (no mountaineering/hiking expedition for us this year). James is sick. The boys are sick. Soon I fear I shall be sick too. Anyway...the 'lot' tree as it shall now be deemed....SO SO SO SO wonderful. Smells SO good. Now I feel like it's Christmas. I try to 'forget' it got chopped down just so I could enjoy its smell. Poor tree. lol...

I really do love the peace of late night. Everyone is in bed asleep (except for me, Callie and Oliver) of course. Wherever I go they go. I'm thinking I might scrap tonight. I have some things to do...many things in fact...and haven't scrapped for seriously...hmm....at least a week. So maybe I'll scrap tonight although four more boxes of goodness were delivered today all of which need to be wrapped and put under the big tree in the living room. I decided this year to wrap as I buy. I am SO diggin' it. But I'll have to decide tonight. It's an either/or kind of deal. There's quite a few things that need to be wrapped. There's also a large part of me being drawn to my space to scrap.....

My latest mini book.

This is my latest mini book (for the Dec SG newsletter). Lots of fabric, fabric trim, tulle, ribbon, Bazzill, staples, paint and some Hambly. And I must give a shout out to my friend Jen for giving me the inspo for this book. This is what I did after looking at your "book o' inspiration". I played. Picked out some things I like and put 'em together. It's a 7 G's wire-o album totally covered in goodness.

Journaling:
Naked baby fresh from the bath
Running downstairs to come and play with momma
Tickles, laughter and love.
Alexander and me.
10.28.06

The pics really don't give the full affect. It's much richer, brighter and the colors aren't exactly true here....not sure why.... If you want to see the bigger version click here.