Thursday, September 17, 2009

what i will miss.

there is no excitement without risk.
i have a door from my bedroom out onto the patio in the back yard.
sometimes i go sit out there late at night.
IF the wind isn't blowing.
when it's a nice night, like tonight, i jam to tunes and sit.
i think.
sometimes i take a nice adult beverage with me.
sitting out on the patio late at night, superburrito (best fast food mexican i've ever had) and jan, dan and rachael are what i will miss about this place.
and that is it.
it is so hard to live my life exactly the way i want.
that responsibility/kids thing......
been feeling dizzy the last three days.
not nearly enough sleep.
too much stress. uh-huh.
but i am getting things done.
during my last appointment with therapist dude he taught me a new word. it's *no*.
i was like...dude...i know how to use the word no!!
he wasn't convinced.
he told me to go home and practice.
i told him no!
then i laughed.
and so did he.
packing up my painting stuff.
really made me miss painting.
how it feels to stretch canvas.
the smell of gesso and paint.
sure hope my desire to paint comes back full fucking force after the move.
holy crap i need that to happen!
time to get off the computer.
i should be packing.


Melissa said...

I have been following your blog since becoming aware of you through Ali Edward's blog a few months ago. I just wanted to let you know that I, a total stranger, am cheering for you and am so impressed with your honesty, your courage, and your desire to live a full life even when it has been so full of heartbreak recently.

I was also born in Oregon and lived there for the first 12 years of my life, and I still consider it my home. I think you've chosen a wonderful and healing place to begin again with your boys. I haven't lived there in years, but it is still by far the most beautiful place on earth in my mind.

Peace and love,

mary said...

You are brave... I wish could have moved, I really wanted to move, my boys did not they won. I am on the home stretch of my major remodel. i am sad we could not have gotten together before you moved. There is always another time. I always read but do not often write. You and your boys are often in my thoughts. Thank Goodness for the net where we can be friends no matter the distance.