Saturday, September 12, 2009


it's cloudy and cool.
my kind of weather.
two weeks from today i will be driving.
with 2 kids, 2 dogs and a lot of crap.
it's going to be strange living in someone else's house while our house is being built.
trying to ease the boys' fears about moving.
they are very concerned that we will be leaving without our furniture.
and the computer.
uh...have ya met me?
no fucking way i'll be w/o internet!
it's interesting what upsets them and what they don't seem terribly worried about.
E is not looking forward to being yanked out of 3rd grade.
i know he will be okay.
he will make new friends.
but i don't like that my decision is causing him stress.
next weekend (saturday) jan and i are hangin.
no kids (not even rachael).
we talked yesterday, both of us close to tears.
not sure wtf i'm gonna do without her.
been doing a lot of yoga.
to try and keep my heart from exploding.
E fell and hit his head.
ER instructed me to wake him up a bunch of times at night to make sure he would, in fact, wake up. and yeah, if he doesn't be sure and bring him in. ya think?!
had to do that when he was a baby (he hit his head then too).
that kind of shit is stressful.
looking forward to the move being done.
to getting settled into the rental house.
and watching the progress as our new house is being built.


QuirkyGirl said...

Single parenthood isn't for the faint of heart that's for damn sure. I hate offering unsolisited advice so I often just tell people my philosophy on things and if they find any comfort in it cool, if not I can only hope they don't judge me in the end. I seriously doubt I'll get any judgement from you, so.... That being said here's the conclusion I had to come to this very year with our rather abrupt move:

Lily is still struggling with it after almost a year, but that kid DOES NOT do change. I struggled for years worrying about each decision I made and whether or not I was fucking up my kids. After bending over to the point of breaking for close to 7 years I came to the realization that I alone make the executive decisions for this family. Does it suck? Hell yeah it sucks! Not having someone to make the hard choices with me and if it all goes to hell I'm the only one to blame. But I'm the only one that can and they need me to do it. They may think they know what they want, but in the end they are too young and emotionally immature to comprehend the full extent of the decisions that have to be made. So I put my foot down after the first 6 months of bitching about not being in our old house. I said NO MORE. I'll listen to the things that are hard and we can work together to bring a better understanding, but this is the reality and I'm not going to consider what they think in the family decisions. I will consider the impact and do what is best for us as a whole.

It was hard realizing I had to stop second guessing every move I make and stand firm to the ones they didn't like, but it's made me a stronger person and I feel a better parent. I think it's also teaching my girls that life rarely comes out like you want but you roll with the punches and play the cards your dealt.

You're doing a great job. The boys are going to be more than fine. They are going to bounce and love their life if for no other reason than YOU are going to bounce and be learn to be happy in your new place.

Keep on keepin on, Momma. I'm psyched with each new post to see your growth more and more with each one.

Love comin at cha from the Midwest~


Marieke said...

I agree with the above. Single parenthood is not for the weak. and big decisions are mightily scary but in the end your gut will tell you what is right. And you're pretty good at that. Listening to your gut.
The move is scary for the kids. Scary for you. But it's just fear of the unknown. You'll be cool. Kids are incredibly resilient and they'll make new friends easily. Which will help you meet new people too. Don't forget to accept help when offered! (something I still struggle with) If I ever win lotto I'll come and visit you for sure!