a painting. 2009.08.02

'blue dot'.
it's stark, almost....
yet robust at the same time.
it's bold.
black, red, ultramarine blue, light blue....
full of texture...chunky (which i love).
and it's the first time i have painted in 5 months.
last night and today i painted three pieces.
two of which i wiped.
one of which i kept.
the other two....they are gesso'd and dry.
ready to be used again.
you CAN'T force it.
what you CAN do, is go with the creative process.
if you don't like what you paint, start again.
which is what i did.
the two pieces i wiped....boats in water.
no matter how hard i tried, i just was not feeling those paintings.
so i let them go.
and started again.
i find the thing that inspires me most, that has the most impact on me, is color.
a combination of colors seems to be where i start.
i will paint the boats.
just not today.
on my easel right now is a painting in progress (using one of my wiped canvases).
dark brown, grey, black...some yellow...
more than likely it will be flowers, in some sort of funky vase.
the painting on my easel (and blue dot)....painted from my head.
no photo in front of me.
no still-life set up and used, or photographed and then used.
it went from inside my head, on to the canvas.
which i think is pretty fucking cool.
more often than not, i don't know what a painting will be until it is done.
it just happens.
except for the boats.
the boats are something i have wanted to paint for a while.
they are specific.
which is unusual for me.
maybe that is why i am having such a hard time with them.
but it will happen.
i do, from time to time, paint from photographs i have taken.
i was trying to use three different photographs for the boats and turn all three into one painting.
maybe that was where i went wrong.
what i think is a mind blower is that when i paint, a fucking bomb could explode and i would be unaware of it.
it's like i check out....seriously...it's the strangest thing.
for now, (last night and today)....it has been dis-jointed.
it's been a difficult process.
yet all-encompassing at the same time.
it has been stop and start. sit. stare at the piece. repeat.
i have been near the zone...in it...to a certain exent (while painting blue dot).
i am not used to it being this hard.
but i painted.
how long will it be before i paint again??
good question.
painting is a rush for me.
i can take a deep breath when i paint.
after i paint.
that feeling of just being fuckien 'in the zone'...it is golden. it kills.
there is nothing like it.
well, almost nothing.
off to work on the piece on my easel.
at least for a little bit.
therapist dude and i.....
we have much to talk about tomorrow.
i am going to tell him he's a fucker for pushing me.
but i also know, if he hadn't, i would not have painted.