right on kid.
long beach, washington
it's a beautiful beach.
my fave beach in the astoria area.
what fucking sucks is making a decision.
moving forward on it.
then having the whole mother fucking thing fall apart.
all because of insurance.
can't have a house on a sloping hill and not have slide insurance when there was a slide in that area 3 years ago.
now can you.
that would be stupid of me.
my weekend in astoria was pretty fucking good.
not being a mom.
driving around doing whatever *I* wanted to do.
of course doing some of what i needed to do, which was look at houses.
jammin the tunes.
eating m&m's and drinking coke for breakfast.
having a few drinks.
spending time at the beach.
just hangin' out.
going out to eat.
yeah. you know i fucking love that shit.
walking (on the beach and waterfront).
feeling the mist on my face.
then it rained.
couldn't have been better.
being able to breathe.
actually being able to smell things. fucking concept!
the smells were amazing.
boats....that greasy mechanical smell some of them have. love that.
restraunt food cooking...
not being a mom.
i think i mentioned that already.
just soakin it up.
finding a comfort level.
in a new place.
that felt right.
i'm pretty sick of the fucking never-ending crash.
yes, there was one other house i liked.
but not as much as the other one.
a big driving force has been the boys' safety.
the house i like is on a cul de sac.
kids and dogs alike.
everyone would be safer.
it's all fucken exhausting and now i just want to get drunk.
and be wreckless and do stupid things because i am pissed off.
it's a dangerous place to be.
i'm not good at stopping myself when i reach this point.
i've fucken proved that time and time again.
it is what it is.
i'll never change.
the fucking bummer thing about it is, i can picture the boys and i living in that house.
but i absolutely cannot risk putting money into a house and then having the mother fucking thing slide down a hill.
probably wouldn't happen.
but wouldn't i be fucking pissed if it did.