Thursday, August 13, 2009

mom, you're gonna be hot when you get your nose pierced.

right on kid.
long beach, washington
it's a beautiful beach.
scenic.
my fave beach in the astoria area.
so far.
what fucking sucks is making a decision.
moving forward on it.
then having the whole mother fucking thing fall apart.
all because of insurance.
can't have a house on a sloping hill and not have slide insurance when there was a slide in that area 3 years ago.
now can you.
that would be stupid of me.
my weekend in astoria was pretty fucking good.
not being a mom.
driving around doing whatever *I* wanted to do.
of course doing some of what i needed to do, which was look at houses.
jammin the tunes.
eating m&m's and drinking coke for breakfast.
good shit.
having a few drinks.
spending time at the beach.
just hangin' out.
going out to eat.
yeah. you know i fucking love that shit.
walking (on the beach and waterfront).
feeling the mist on my face.
then it rained.
couldn't have been better.
being able to breathe.
actually being able to smell things. fucking concept!
the smells were amazing.
the ocean...
boats....that greasy mechanical smell some of them have. love that.
restraunt food cooking...
not being a mom.
oh wait.
i think i mentioned that already.
talking.
being quiet.
just soakin it up.
thinking.
laughing.
finding a comfort level.
in a new place.
that felt right.
sleeping.
i'm pretty sick of the fucking never-ending crash.
yes, there was one other house i liked.
but not as much as the other one.
a big driving force has been the boys' safety.
the house i like is on a cul de sac.
perfect.
kids and dogs alike.
everyone would be safer.
it's all fucken exhausting and now i just want to get drunk.
and be wreckless and do stupid things because i am pissed off.
it's a dangerous place to be.
i'm not good at stopping myself when i reach this point.
i've fucken proved that time and time again.
whatever.
it is what it is.
i'll never change.
the fucking bummer thing about it is, i can picture the boys and i living in that house.
but i absolutely cannot risk putting money into a house and then having the mother fucking thing slide down a hill.
probably wouldn't happen.
but wouldn't i be fucking pissed if it did.

5 comments:

QuirkyGirl said...

Fuck! Shit! Damn it!

Thought I'd throw in my two cents about how I feel about you not getting your house. This is a drag. Hope you find what a house you can call home soon, but I am glad to see there is a final destination.

Anonymous said...

I work in Astoria and my parents grew up here. Slides are NOT common here - I say go for it. Astoria is beautiful and if it's on the hill it probably has a view of the river - can't go wrong with that.

Misty said...

So you don't have to get the insurance? I say don't! Live on the edge a little...literally. :P

And tell that kid his mom is already hot, even without the 3rd hole in her nose.

Marieke said...

Hmmm, I don't know. Bump in the road probably means it's not the right place for you. Keep looking K and keep the faith. the right house will find you when you least expect it. It did for me and I am happier to be here every day. This was definetely the right place for me - the 'head' house, not the 'heart' house. Fingers crossed it will find you soon. Keep in touch with the agents there. And be prepared to look just outside your box. HOME may just be sitting right there on the fringe of your preferred area. Just giving you my experience. Keeping you and the boys still close to my heart.

Violet said...

I say go get a fortune cookie. Concentrate 8really* hard when picking it out and then verbally announce that the fortune inside pertains to the hill house.

... and then open your future.