98 fucking degrees or some shit.
then the clouds rolled in.
and it rained.
a nevada rain storm.
which means it poured for 10 minutes.
then it was over.
i love it when it rains.
so i told the sick one (E) to get in the car.
and we went for a drive.
in the rain.
it cooled off to 62 degrees.
it was freaking awesome.
all the windows in my house are now open.
the door to the outside in my bedroom is open too.
sick kid is on the couch.
the other one is running around half naked. whatever.
spent the morning with jan. nice.
reminded me of high school when heather pezzullo and i used to ditch school and go lay out in her back yard.
i am freakishly afraid of two things:
parking garages (i hate hate hate them).
and....having to stop under an overpass (which happens all the time when i get on the freeway heading toward my house).
like at that exact moment the fucking thing is gonna fall down on top of me?
or an earthquake is gonna hit and that'll be it.
i am a freak.
it is my intention to paint.
now i've said it.
gotta make it happen.
one blue fucking dot.
that totally made me laugh out loud.
seriously tempted to take a huge-ass canvas in to therapist dude.
with one blue fucken dot.
therapist dude says i won't allow myself to paint because painting is something i love. it's immersion. and release. it allows me to think about nothing but that. to be in that moment. he thinks that i think (did you all get that...) that if i allow myself to paint i would be allowing myself to be happy. and right now i don't think i should be happy. so he says. i'm still thinking about that. could be a combination of that...that and the fact i am just not inspired. he says i'm not allowing myself to become inspired...because..yeah..i won't allow myself to be happy. dunno. i'm thinkin 'bout it....
going to bed early tonight.
feeling like crap.
E passed on his delightful congestion/cold thing.
maybe i'll go stretch some canvas.
and that will fucking inspire me SO much i will paint all night.
but i do think i'll go stretch some canvas and put the first layer of gesso on.
so i have a canvas to work with on sunday.
it will be the first time in five months i will have touched canvas.