Monday, July 27, 2009

therapist dude. july 27, 2009

my friend leah and her daughter maggie this past weekend in san francisco. love this photo!
alexander loves leah. she held his hand, he talked. and talked. and talked. he even did a little twirl as they were walking. SO cute. god i love that kid!

me and the boys. the boys and i? whatever. at every little jewelry stand we passed (and i do mean EVERY one)...we stopped. i am always looking for (and wearing) hippy shit. bracelets...chokers...clothes... found a bracelet with a peace sign on it. if it didn't have leather on it i would SO have bought it. but you know...whatever...i don't eat cows...don't really wanna wear one either.
alexander eating clam chowder in a sourdough bowl. what else ya gonna have for lunch in SF?! the first two pics i took with my iPhone. the other pics leah took and was kind enough to send to me.
had my appointment with theraist dude today. i mentioned that therapist dude said four words to me a couple weeks ago. four important words. he said, "it's not your fault." he said it over and over again to me. apparently doing so had some sort of impact on me. because i remember him saying those words to me. he was talking about me taking james off of life support.
today, he again left me with words. short and sweet. otherwise i wouldn't be able to retain what he said. sometimes i walk out of there not remembering much of what i have said. his words for me today were "they have no power over you." i have been putting too much energy into something. something i will never be able to figure out or understand. i have been allowing them power over me. we were talking about james' family. therapist dude wants me to think about his words. i'm sure he will want to talk more about them next week.
i don't have a lot of positive feedback/reinforcement in my life. but today therapist dude told me that he has never seen such devotion. such a strong sense of care and compassion. depth of love. he was talking about me, caring for james during the 10 years he was sick, and during the time he was in the hospital (the last time). i thought that was interesting. because i don't see myself that way.
time for yoga. then a movie. tomorrow morning? getting more shit cut out of my face and more lasered off. here's to small non-noticeable scars and quick healing. i will be SO glad to finally have this shit done.

8 comments:

Violet said...

I didn't know that you didn't eat cows/beef. Are you a Veg?! I'm a Pescatarian (fish only, no land animals).

Glad you had fun in SF. The boys as well. I love the little stands on the street. Especially when they're selling more than generic hippy stuff! Have you been to Berkeley? It's totally your kind of town.. like SF, but smaller and way more laid back. The weather is nice and the food selection is fantastic!

I think Therapist Dude might be a nice guy under al of that pissing-you-off. You're becoming more at peace.. I can feel it through your text.. and it's awesome!

<3 you, GF.

Leah said...

he's right...ya know...I think I'm starting to like him!
and I'm glad my butt doesn't look huge in those white pants...it's the little things that make us happy!
glad you posted...'cause I didn't and now I feel like I don't have too...maybe I'll just link your blog...ha!

QuirkyGirl said...

That fact that you don't see yourself as devoted, loving, or compassionate is exactly what makes you so. It's just a part of who you are. It's what you do. There isn't thought or intention behind it. It is simply you. This is how you know therapist dude speaks the truth.

I had a friend who would manage to piss me off faster than anyone else I knew. He could see right through me and tell me straight up. My initial reaction was ALWAYS "F*** YOU!" but I would ponder what he said and knew he was right. I grew from knowing him. He greatest gift to me was that he pushed and prodded the areas I wanted left alone until I was strong enough, courageous enough to be myself. Therapist Dude reminds me of my friend.

You getting there, Momma. One breath at a time. Do you remember the band Garbage? They have a song called The Trick Is To Keep Breathing. I love the shit out of this song. And since I speak through song lyrics I'd like to share this little tune with you. Something tells me you'll get it, ya know?

Patrice~ said...

oh, so awesome and uber-cool you and Leah and the kids could hook up in SF!
Oh Kimberly - much love and many hugs to you.
You are a sweetie.

Rachael said...

I think I like Therapist Dude too! Sounds like he's doing a great job!

I'm so jealous that you got to meet up with Leah!! Love the pics!!

Love ya!!

Marieke said...

Therapist dude is SO right. I'm starting to like this guy. He seems to 'get' you. And I think you like him too or you would have sacked him already no?
Diggin' the pics in SF with L and M. And the hand holding: so so sweet. What a gorgeous kid. You've done well Kimberly. You are steering these boys through the worst part of their life with care and compassion and selflessness.
Much love

Lisa said...

Therapist dude is one smart guy and you are one strong amazing cookie.

Gaby Alcántara said...

It's awesome that you got to meet up with Leah!! great pictures! :)