alexander loves leah. she held his hand, he talked. and talked. and talked. he even did a little twirl as they were walking. SO cute. god i love that kid!
me and the boys. the boys and i? whatever. at every little jewelry stand we passed (and i do mean EVERY one)...we stopped. i am always looking for (and wearing) hippy shit. bracelets...chokers...clothes... found a bracelet with a peace sign on it. if it didn't have leather on it i would SO have bought it. but you know...whatever...i don't eat cows...don't really wanna wear one either.
alexander eating clam chowder in a sourdough bowl. what else ya gonna have for lunch in SF?! the first two pics i took with my iPhone. the other pics leah took and was kind enough to send to me.
had my appointment with theraist dude today. i mentioned that therapist dude said four words to me a couple weeks ago. four important words. he said, "it's not your fault." he said it over and over again to me. apparently doing so had some sort of impact on me. because i remember him saying those words to me. he was talking about me taking james off of life support.
today, he again left me with words. short and sweet. otherwise i wouldn't be able to retain what he said. sometimes i walk out of there not remembering much of what i have said. his words for me today were "they have no power over you." i have been putting too much energy into something. something i will never be able to figure out or understand. i have been allowing them power over me. we were talking about james' family. therapist dude wants me to think about his words. i'm sure he will want to talk more about them next week.
i don't have a lot of positive feedback/reinforcement in my life. but today therapist dude told me that he has never seen such devotion. such a strong sense of care and compassion. depth of love. he was talking about me, caring for james during the 10 years he was sick, and during the time he was in the hospital (the last time). i thought that was interesting. because i don't see myself that way.
time for yoga. then a movie. tomorrow morning? getting more shit cut out of my face and more lasered off. here's to small non-noticeable scars and quick healing. i will be SO glad to finally have this shit done.