Sunday, July 26, 2009

things that i know. july 26, 2009.

ice cream at ghiradelli square. it had to be done.
pics taken with my iPhone. i didn't take my cam this weekend. anyone who knows me will now pass out. i take my cam EVERYWHERE. just wasn't into it. so i left it at home.

sea lions are cute.
but stinky.
E is still in there...somewhere.
he can be reached.
it's just hard to do.
my kids no longer want happy meals.
they want 'adult' meals.
they are 6 (almost) and 8. meals?! really??
not only do they want them, they can eat the entire thing.
yes, i took my kids to mcdonalds while on the road.
got a problem with that? ;-)
mcdonalds puts crack in their coke.
otherwise i wouldn't be addicted.
E in some ways is coming into his own.
the kid who was afraid to go to the deep end is now swimming to and in the deep end.
the kid who was afraid to put his face in the water begged me for goggles.
so i bought them.
and he used them.
actually swam with his face in the water.
it was awesome.
yes, we spent time in the pool...heated pool i might add...
to see E come out of his shell of least a little's huge.
while walking around SF with leah and mags (i have photos but don't want to post without leah's approval)...E saw a bracelet (for boys)...and he asked me to buy it for him. it's got the symbol for 'no fear' on it. perfect. fits him. and his personality...that he's growing into. he's been wearing the bracelet (um, do you call it a bracelet if it's for a boy??)....since i bought it for him. he's sleeping with it on. and i love that. fits his little hippy/surfer dude thing he's got goin on.
i saw some happiness on his face this weekend.
and that was the fucking best thing ever.
he was so proud of the bracelet...that it has the symbol for 'no fear'.
he thanked me and hugged me....
he held my hand...
to see the kid that he used to be come out...if ever so briefly...and i do mean briefly...
but i know he's in there.
the traffic in san francisco SUCKS.
spending time in san francisco is an assault on the senses (in a good way).
where else can you breathe in the sea air, coffee, sourdough bread, crab and pot all in one breath. yes. i said pot. as in marijuana. not mine. but someone was having an awfully nice day in SF. ;-)
road trips make me fucking feel better.
i love the 'idea' of SF.
the cooler temperatures.
the ocean.
the culture.
all the different people.
i fit in there more than i do here, that's for sure.
but it's too big for me.
and the traffic sucks. like SUCKS kind of sucks.
if i could find a microcosm.....
that didn't cost a million fucking dollars to live in...
and was really small enough....SF might be the place for me.
you long as there was no traffic.
or earthquakes.
or quite so many people....
yeah...i'm lookin for a smaller, less inhabited kind of place.
say maybe an island somewhere! lol...
where the boys and i will be safe.
because i worry about that now.....
but SF will always be one of my fave places.
these are the things i know for sure:
i will not live somewhere where it's fucking hot.
i don't want to live in a city as big as SF.
i'm a smaller place kind of peep.
SF weather is perfect. for me.
it was a nice weekend.


Marieke said...

I'm still here... on this island. ;-). And it's never too hot but we do get earth quakes.... LOL
I love the sound of hope in your "voice". And the beginnings of happiness. About life, about E. God that kid has been through hell. Living in hell. You'll find your Eden Kimberly. I'm sure of it.
Luv ya.

Leah said...

we had such a great time...A and E are amazing boys...they inspire me! so I guess you haven't had a chance to steal the bracelet then? good! it really does suit him!
and I agree...the traffic sucks... thanks for driving! I'll post pics on my blog today...sometime!

QuirkyGirl said...

I love that E is busting through that cobweb of fear. I love that he wears a bracelet that radiates 'No Fear' to remind himself. I love that at 32 I can be reminded not to be afraid of my life by an 8-year-old half a country away. And I'm grateful that you share this with us.

"I am a rock/ I am an island/ cause a rock feels no pain/ and an island never cries" - Simon & Garfunkel I Am A Rock

abby said...

Thank you for not making your blog private. I know I don't comment often (mostly because there are no words that could ever properly communicate my feelings) but I read often...piggy backing on Rachel's following. Just know there are a couple chicks here in the midwest that are sending good thoughts your way...