Monday, June 29, 2009

things that are important to me.

my boys.
making a life for us somewhere else.
painting.
understanding and realizing i'm being negative (before it comes to fruition). shutting that shit down.
talking to the boys with love and understanding (even when i don't think i can).
taking those moments and turning them into something good.
if i don't show/teach them what is right and wrong, who the fuck will.
i sometimes forget you have to teach even the smallest of things. things you don't think you need to...you really do.
letting go of my anger toward james' family.
not sure i can do it. but i need to.
being able to sleep again.
being excited about life again.
i miss that.
looking forward to a time when i'm not so up and down.
wanting to get on with my life...yet not being fully able to do so.
watched dan with the boys tonight.
it was nice. made me smile.
he is a good man.
day two of no chocolate and no coke.
yeah...uh...i'm rethinking that.
i really really like coke. and chocolate.

4 comments:

Quiet_Violet said...

You totally rock. Sometimes your posts scare me a ittle bit, but you always come back with your head up and (mostly!) on. You CAN do this. You WILL do this for the boys because you love them so much and what they stand for (the love of you and James) is worth fighting for.

We've got your back, sister. <3

QuirkyGirl said...

I love the transparency of your posts. You let it all hang out. Sometimes we forget the brutality of honesty. I find it to be the most beautiful thing I know of you thus far.

Patrice~ said...

sister, I think I know where you are. you are loved. really.
I mean, really really loved.

Anonymous said...

Why be angry at James' family? What did they do? What do you want them to do?