i'm not good at waiting.
and i never will be.
i haven't been to starbucks in 3 weeks.
can't stop listening to dave matthews.
have something i need to do.
but in doing it, i might fuck up a relationship i don't want to fuck up.
i'm really not good at waiting. or did i mention that already.
indecision fucking kills me. HATE it.
talkin about where i'm gonna move to here...
in most other decisions i'm quick.
the reason i haven't painted isn't because "i can't".
painting used to be my refuge.
it carried me away...i got lost...hours went by like minutes.
but now i'm empty.
that excitement...that rush....it's gone.
that is why i can't paint.
i think that bums me out more than anything.
the thing that used to jack me up....now...it does nothing for me.
somehow i have to fix that.
how do i readjust to me being enough.
it all just seems pointless.
i used to have something good.
how do you go from that to nothing.
i want to be satisfied to sit in front of the computer late at night.
jam to some tunes.
or watch a movie.
and have that be enough.
sometimes it is...but i need it to be enough all the time.
in the times when it isn't enough, that is when i am likely to get myself into trouble.
and do something i shouldn't do.