Tuesday, May 26, 2009

long-haired hippy dude and a little roadtrip.

i used to live in fort bragg, california. loved it there. decided to take a little roadtrip back there over memorial day weekend. i went to one of my favorite beaches. i sat, wrapped up in a blanket and watched the sun set. it's the first time i've been back there since james died. it was our place. i took him there once we were together. and he loved it. we went there often.

today is my anniversary. james and i pretty much spent every memorial day weekend in mendocino/fort bragg for the last 18 years. it was just our thing. where we went for a quick weekend getaway. i sat on the beach. without him. took in the beauty. the smell of the ocean. i took the time to really appreciate what i was seeing. and smelling. the feeling i had. that i could take a deep breath.

as i walked toward the waves, under the trussell, there was a long-haired hippy dude and his dog walking on the beach. i love dogs. so of course i talked to the dog as we passed each other. long-haired hippy dude smiled at me. i smiled back. whatever. i didn't give it another thought. on my way back to my car (after sitting on the beach for quite a while) long-haired hippy dude was sitting on a big log with his dog. he came over to me as i was walking toward my car. he asked me to sit with him on the beach. some people you are just attracted to right away. i knew in the time it took us to pass each other on the beach that i was attracted to him. it was trippy. and it was good.

nothing happened between me and long-haired hippy dude. because i didn't let it. but i was so tempted. if i didn't have kids...that night would so have ended differently. instead....i had to leave...go back to the boys (no, they were not by themselves). i am 100% a do it now, instinctual (deal with the consequences later) kind of person. except now i can't be. because i have the boys. and it's a constant struggle within myself. holy crap it's exhausting.

what an amazing beach. what an amazing sunset. and long-haired hippy dude......it was just a fuckin trip...him coming up to me....it was nice to feel connected....to someone....

8 comments:

mary said...

I got involved with a man early after Chris died it was a freakin train wreck be careful.... I can write a book of what not to do but who cares got to do it anyways .... I can't write a book of what to do... I miss kissing loving, hugging..... I understand so well. It has been one year. I never blogged my train wreck someday i will.

QuirkyGirl said...

Sometimes it's just nice to know you still got it after the babies come and rape your body of its former glory. Good for you, Momma. Let the compliment wash over your soul just like it was meant to.

Dawn~^i^Brandon^i^, Jordan, and Seth's mom said...

I am glad you had a good day on the beach on your anniversary. Thinking about you!

Dawn

Carrie K said...

:)

hot mama...

love you :)

Marieke said...

I get it. I get the connection with long haired hippy dude. I think I really do. Tonight I just felt so alone. So lonely. And then I found myself typing in the address of your blog. To find you writing about hippy dude. I get it. I want to fall in love again. Experience something that has impact rather than this dull ache and dreary existance day after day. I want to live a life outside of my responsibilities.
Happy anniversary Kimberly. And much love.

Leah said...

happy anniversary...glad you could spend it somewhere you love! I don't know that I could have turned down a long haired hippy dude with a dog...love ya!

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