Thursday, May 14, 2009

39.


one of my favorite photos of us.
you holding me and your fuckin leg wrapped around me.
so good.
this photo totally makes me smile.
thanksgiving 2007 in mendocino.
so fucking sexy.
holy crap i miss him.
that part of us.

james took this. totally. he ALWAYS freakin took photos of my ass. and it fuckin cracks me up.
i spend so much time trying NOT to think about james, that i thought today would be a good day not to try so hard. to let myself think about him.
it's possible to feel deep (deeper than i've ever known even existed) sadness....yet be able to laugh at the same time. that's what today is like for me. today james would have been 39.

james wouldn't want me to be sad today. and i'm tired of fuckin being sad anyway...so i have tried to think about all the good.....to laugh and smile. i know james would not want me to let this kick my ass. i said pretty much the same thing on facebook (everyone kept sending me email messages asking me if i was okay today). so yeah. i'm fine.......

5 comments:

Kristy said...

He would be so proud of you.

www.shishnit.org

QuirkyGirl said...

Throw him a party, Kim. His life was extrordinary even if only to you and the boys. Play his favorite songs, get drunk, tell funny James stories. That's the Irish in me. It's not morbid. It's celebrating his life. There is no time limit on how long you can celebrate his birthday. We still celebrate Washington's and MLK. Why not let this be a your family holiday. A day the boys can carry on and say "My dad was KICK ASS! and today was the day the world was blessed because he was born!"

Violet said...

Happy Birthday to James! You're doin' it little lady. You keep on keepin' on and I KNOW he's proud of you right now. <3

mary said...

Fantastic photo's ... GREAT memories . One of my prized possessions are my photo's besides my memory.

Leah said...

today must have been a hard day but I am glad that you could find some happiness in remembering james...lol that he took pics of your ass...hehe I would kill my dh!