we're back.

been thinking a lot about what is important to me.

while driving (and in the hotels) i listened to matt nathanson, monte montgomery, dave matthews band, audioslave (frickin love the song 'like a stone') and coldplay. all good shit.

i'm just gonna talk about matt nathanson one more time. the dude. his guitar. nothing else. 'at the point' fucking rocks. he has a band too....but at the point is just him. his voice. his guitar. and i fucking love that.

back from our trip.

i always crash when i return from a trip.
this time is no different.

hating life right now.

i literally want to climb into bed, put my iPod on, jam the tunes so loud i can't hear anything else close my eyes and try to sleep.

i have a problem processing things. when i'm doing something, i do it. if it's complicated in any way, or i am low enegy (which i am.....the sleep deprivation thing sucks)..... i don't process any of it until days later. it's like my mind/body records the event and when i think about it....go over it in my mind.....that's when i can appreciate what i have done, and how i now feel after having done it. how i SHOULD have felt WHILE doing it.

when what i am doing is all consuming, intense....i can forget everything and just focus on that moment. those times are the fucking best. the moment takes you away from everything else and to you. to what you are all about. to what you are doing. right then. and that fucking rocks.

the day we left astoria (sunday), the weather was perfect. the boys and i took a final walk on the beach. me in a skirt and short sleeved shirt. it was awesome! the boys gave me a few minutes to just think. they picked up shells, rocks...sticks...you know...did boy stuff. and before we left...well...i just had to write a little something in the sand. so someone would know i was there.