Thursday, April 09, 2009

i think i am doing okay.

last of our SF photos. as E was standing there, taking this photo, two women walked by. they were older. "look at that little girl taking a picture!" yeah. girl? if E knew how to give the finger. he would have. i just laughed. my boys are going to be tough. be able to stand up for themselves. to tell people what they want. know who they are. not be defined by how others see them.
chinatown. omg. the smells? soooo freakin' good. the language....the everything.....i love it there.
one of my hopes (and i'll do pretty much anything to make it happen) is that the boys be life-long friends. they ARE brothers. they have no choice in the matter. i want more for them. i want them to be friends. to look out for each other. to be part of each others' lives. forever. look at E, with his arm around alexander. so love that.
our time at the beach. love the sail boat and the golden gate in the background.
they either love each other. or they are fighting. there is no inbetween. huh. wonder where they get that from.
i think i am doing okay. i look back to 6 months ago (yes, it's been 6 months)...i so wish i could stop marking that passage of time....but i look back to 6 months ago and i am happy to be where i am today, compared to where i was at first. happy to not be at the beginning of my life without james. happy to have some time between when he died and now. is life perfect and i'm all happy happy? hell no. but life today is better than when james first died. when i felt my world completely stop.
now that some time has passed, i know where i stand. and have a better idea of what i need to do and what we are going to do.

5 comments:

Mama Marks said...

i think you're doing ok too ... and that makes me happy :-) something about this post felt very peaceful xxxx

Lisa said...

You are finding your way my friend.
And the boys are finding their way in large part because they have one incredibly strong, powerful, loving, independent momma at their side.
You may not feel that way at times.
But that's what I see from the outside looking in.
Peace in, peace out.

Marieke said...

Ditto to what Lisa said. Word for word. I could try and write something myself but she said so much better what I wanted to say in the first place. You're doing awesome K.

Cari K. said...

I'm so glad you're feeling better about things. I think you're doing fantastic and your boys are so incredibly lucky to have you as a mommy! Love ya!

jensmack said...

love those photos and I adore your little boys! and I adore you too. have I mentioned that lately?

the pics are awesome - but I especially think your artwork is excellent!