Sunday, July 25, 2010

seattle.

took a quick trip to seattle.
up on monday.
home on tuesday.
on my list of things to do....
pike fish market.
james and i never made it there together.
i wish we would have.
feeling overwhelmed.
i have sat and typed.
and deleted.
and typed.
and deleted.
can't get it all straight.
i just think it's time to let go of some of the shit.
so i can get out from under it.
i have been so filled with want and need to talk about james lately.
and i'm not sure why.
why now?
i get so completely filled with sadness about what the boys don't have in their lives.
but i can't discuss that here.
god how i wish i could immerse myself in painting.
or art journaling.
but once again, i feel 100% uninspired.
a complete and total lack of artistic energy.
i sure am going to be pissed when i piss away this time that i have and have nothing to show for it, aren't i.
scared shitless about something.
yeah. one more thing i can't talk about here.
i shake my head at that.
i know how to fix it.
just pisses me off that i have to.
so i have done nothing.
and posted very little.

3 comments:

Melissa said...

Maybe it is time to stop blogging if you can't say what you really want to say. I don't know you, but I've always loved how your honesty just cuts through all the crap. I haven't lost a husband, so I am not saying my loss is anything like yours, but I have an autistic son and there are losses I am grieving with that. Your blog has done a lot of people who you don't even know a lot of good, like me. I think, "if Kimberly can do it with two boys alone, then I can too." I'm sorry you're dealing with feeling like you can't be free to express yourself on your blog. It's YOUR blog, so if you need to start over, go for it. I hope I find you again sometime if you do choose to stop this blog. Hang in there with whatever situation you are facing now. I truly admire you and your courage.

QuirkyGirl said...

Today, more than other days, I want to sit quitely with coffee looking out at the sea and let you say absolutely nothing...or everything...whatever. I just really want to sit with you. And truly be your friend. I know that our faiths are different and thats okay. I'm praying for you anyway. Because I love you and that's what I do :)

Leah said...

I'm sorry...adult editing is too hard...wishing I could have gone to Seattle with you...but really just wanting you to know that you are always on my mind :)