this is where i live now.
took the boys to see the sea lions today after school.
after the truck was unloaded on sunday we took a break before unpacking and headed to the astoria column. look closely and you will see my brother, ethan and alexander running up to the column.lots and lots and lots of driving. boys did well. dogs weren't happy. we were all tired. but overall the trip was good. things were ahead of schedule. the loading and unloading went well. my brother flew out on monday. it's just me and the boys. no jan. no therapist dude. but we're here. it's surreal.
got the boys registered in their schools and they have started. that's been the hardest part on E. not knowing anyone at school. having no one to play with at recess (for the 2 days he's gone to school now). alexander is uber happy because in astoria half day kindergartners get to eat lunch at school. it's a dream come true. he's SO tired of always waiting 2 years for everything E gets to do. so he was jacked up when he found out he didn't have to wait that long to get to eat lunch at school.
unpacking. but ONLY what we need for the next 6 months. went and checked the progress of the new house. more about that later. now i must get the little muffins ready for bed. in reno school started at 9:30am. here....it starts at 8 fucking 10 am!!!! that is just wrong. it's going to take some adjustment that is for damn sure. but it's all good. went to the beach this morning (in the rain). it's just all good.
one thing that i have been trying to ignore....i miss having someone to tell me it's all going to be okay. someone to hold me. to comfort me. i don't fall apart. i think partly because i can't. because i am it. the boys rely on me. i talk to them. i am honest with them. they have been overall really damn good about this entire move. i just wonder if i am pushing my feelings deep down and if that's ultimately going to be a bad thing. i wonder what would happen to me if i let all those feelings out. i wonder if there will ever by anyone in my life who would want to be there for me like that. i can't imagine it. and i don't often let myself think about it.
one thing that i have been trying to ignore....i miss having someone to tell me it's all going to be okay. someone to hold me. to comfort me. i don't fall apart. i think partly because i can't. because i am it. the boys rely on me. i talk to them. i am honest with them. they have been overall really damn good about this entire move. i just wonder if i am pushing my feelings deep down and if that's ultimately going to be a bad thing. i wonder what would happen to me if i let all those feelings out. i wonder if there will ever by anyone in my life who would want to be there for me like that. i can't imagine it. and i don't often let myself think about it.
4 comments:
YEAH!!!!! I was so stoked to see you posted. Astoria looks won.der.ful! I'm feeling like you're going to aspire to brand new heights in this place. Your new home.
I woke up yesterday morning with you on my mind. The a.m. dj was staying something about Oregon. I have no idea what considering I do not do mornings. Period. But I heard Oregon and said a little prayer for the safety and happiness of a kindred spirit I've yet to meet in the flesh. Then I blindly stumbled back to bed for 9 minutes until the snooze so rudely interrupted me again.
Glad you're back, Chica. Welcome home.
Rach
Glad you're settling in. You've been on my mind the last couple days, wondering how things are going.
your pics are beautiful!
it looks like you...a place where you will learn to be happy again...a place to heal...a place to build a home for you and a and E.
I am happy for you...and I can't wait to visit!!
Just a note from a "blogstalker": things will be fine, eventually!
I think you're a very brave woman and your boys will love you for that.
A big hug from the Netherlands.
Love, Ingrid.
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