Monday, March 01, 2010

things i love.

that james' last tweet was about me.
and it's funny.
that even if crappy things are happening to me, i can look out my window when i'm driving and smile.
because i love it here.
that i have managed (with a small bit of help along the way)...but mostly by have a house built for us.
that i can handle the shit that happens.
so far anyway.
and by the shit that happens i mean getting hit by a 110 year old woman.
it felt odd, i gotta say though....not calling james.
that is still my first instinct.
he made everything better.
he wouldn't have given a crap about the car, only that i was okay.
that the decisions i have made about the house (in a completely disjointed fashion)....because certain decisions had to be made at certain times....when i didn't have necessarily all the info i needed to be making a decision.....have all turned out well. things actually go together. not sure how it happened but it did.
that i am beginning to feel the desire to paint.
and art journal.
and even scrap again.
i am hoping, once we are moved, and i actually have a studio that i really WILL do these things.
that i won't feel the pressure.
that it will just flow.
because i know i don't have to be perfect....that art is what it is.
it just happens for me.
i want to play.
be free.
do whatever.
the more you do something the more you grow.
i need to immerse myself.
to lose myself.
called my first therapist in astoria today.
beginning the process.
so i don't go insane.
because sometimes it feels like that is happening.
especially with going through things again.
packing again.
making sure i'm on top of all the house stuff.
that things ARE getting done.
because i want in my house.
and out of the rental.
with the scary basement.
i WANT to be settled.
to finally know what it will feel like to be here, in our own house.


Anonymous said...

Holy cat crap girl, you are rocking and rolling into the new house. You are carrying everyone in your family.... and it is YOU that is doing it. That you have been strong enough to do this on your own is awesome. That you love the area where you live is even more so.

I have been thinking about you and the process of ramping up for 'the move'. I hated the move when we did it twice in Eugene. Once I was in my own house, though, it was as if the sun came out and I could actually see the future.

I look forward to seeing pics of the new digs.

rock on,


QuirkyGirl said...

Dude, You've grown so much since I first started reading you. Keep on keepin on, Momma. You're getting there.

Marieke said...

=D <--- me happy. And that's all I've got to say about this post.

Leah said...

welcome to your new home! I love to hear that you are actually thinking about painting and scrapping makes me happy! Big hugs to you my friend...I love you!