Thursday, October 02, 2008

Kerg Brooks Key Nov 3, 1933-Oct 2, 2008

brooks, christmas 2007
mom and brooks, christmas 2007
brooks, christmas 2006
scampi and alexander, christmas 2006
scampi and ethan, christmas 2006
if only i knew where our fucking wedding photos were i would scan and post my favorite photo of brooks and me dancing at my wedding. he danced the father/daughter dance with me when my own father would not.
i am sad to report that my stepdad died this morning a little before 4am. i am so incredibly sad for my mother. my mom and brooks have been together for many many years. when i graduated high school, and didn't know what i wanted to do or where i wanted to go, brooks gave me free reign on one of his credit cards and told me to go. go figure out where i wanted to be and what i wanted to do.
for so many years brooks battled diabetes. it attacked his body with such ferociousness. through it all he never let on as to how much pain he was in, how seriously his health was failing (though i knew...i could tell)....but he didn't want to let on how bad things were. my mom told me. we talked many a night about him.
the last five days have been surreal for my mom. knowing something was wrong. loading brooks into the car, but not being able to make it. calling 911. him losing consciousness and his heart stopping. the paramedics re-starting his heart but too much damage had occurred. he never regained consciousness and after scans of his brain, the doctors told my mother he was brain dead. on monday night she had him taken off the ventilator. she stayed with him. never left his side. she made sure he was comfortable. she just stayed with him. three days later he quietly took his last breath. and then my mom called me.
we have been in constant contact since sunday. me checking on her. checking on him. checking on her again. just talking to her. doing what i could from this distance. my mom was adamant that i not come. and though it went against everything inside me, i honored her wish. i wanted to be there for her. to make phone calls. arrangements. to hug her. just to be there. but she said no. so i did what i could from my cell phone. seems rather empty.
my mom is in shock i think. yes, she knew he was not doing well. but it's never easy to let go and say goodbye. it is better that he is no longer in pain or suffering. but god. how absolutely horrifying for my mom. to sit there, watching him. watching his involuntary twitches, listening to his labored breathing. i cannot even imagine.
i will very much miss the tea drinking, sports loving, gentle man who treated me like a daughter. my boys will miss their scampi. when E was very little he couldn't pronounce grampy. it came out scampi and just stuck. i wish i could make things easier for my mom. this is just such a sad day. and, seriously, if i knew where the fuck my wedding photos were i would scan and post the photo of the two of us. it has always been one of my favorite photos. i will HAVE to find it.

14 comments:

Lisa said...

Even if you never find that photo of you and Brooks, it is burned in your heart and your soul.

And in mine.

I can see the picture through your words

april said...

I am so sorry for your loss.

Carrie K said...

oh i should NOT have read this at work...

So sorry for your loss sweet lady! Huge hugs all across the miles!!

you did the best for your mom and everything happened just as it should...please let yourself find comfort in that...

and ditto what lisa said about the picture!

love you!!

Misty said...

I am very sorry Kimberly. Scampi Brooks sounds like he was a wonderful wonderful man and I am sure you, your mom and your family meant just as much to him as he does to you.

Sherine said...

I am so sorry Kimberly. I agree with Lisa...our memory is a precious gift. Big hugs.

Patrice~ said...

hugs of consolation and comfort to you, dear Kimberly.

Peace.

Leah said...

kimberly...I am so sorry to hear about scampi...he sounds like the kind of father everyone should have...hugs to you, James, E and A. I hope you find the picture. love.

jo marks said...

so sorry to hear of the loss of your loved one, Jo in Oz x

Rachael said...

He sounds like such a wonderful man!

I'm so sorry for your loss and everything you are having to endure right now.

I love you and am praying for you!

Anonymous said...

I'm so very sorry for your loss Kimberly. Peace to you my friend.

Cari K.

Michelle said...

Kimberly I hope that you and your Mom can provide strength and comfort to each other in both of your times of need.

Dina said...

Kimberly--

I've been thinking of you & the boys all day. I'm so, so sorry. We all love you.

jensmack said...

I am so sorry. I'm glad you had such a wonderful man in your life.

I'm thinking of you and your Mom.

Misty said...

Kimberly. We are here for you. Anything you and the boys need. DO NOT hesitate to ask.

Love you. xoxo