Tuesday, April 27, 2010

i figured it out.

unedited iPhone photo of a painting i finished today. "fishermen"
in person it needs to be viewed from about 5 feet away.
i am extremely lucky to have this life that i currently have.
went to coffee with bethany this morning.
then i went home and worked in my studio.
each and every day i will make some progress to make this all happen.

something has been bugging the crap out of me.
i've had this feeling.
this feeling that. just. wouldn't. go. away.
i finally figured it out.
i am afraid.
afraid of finding something good and having it go away.
afraid of losing it.
afriad it's not even there to begin with.
actually, i didn't 'just' figure this out.
i've known it for a while.
just wasn't willing to admit it to myself.
now that i have.......
i have to figure out what to do with this information.
cram it down, pack it in....way deep inside....like i do with all of the shit??
i'm thinking that's a pretty fucking good idea.


QuirkyGirl said...

No, Momma. Don't pack it down. You're a tough cookie. Stronger than you know. Face this shit. Tell it to FUCK OFF! Give it all the hell you've felt about everything over the past year and a half and let Fear know that he ain't got shit on you.

Kristy said...

I would buy this "fishing" painting. I don't know that it is for sale...or that I could afford it. But I would buy it in a heart beat... It reminds me of something I need to be reminded of daily.


Anonymous said...

The picture speaks to me.... it is stunning. I agree with Kristy- it really speaks to something in the soul. It is timeless- it could be 10,000 years ago or it could be now. Perhaps there will be a bidding war ;-D

To know your fear is to know thyself. It is not the enemy- fear can be what saves you from a bad situation. To know it, though, is to better pick your own path. Some of us are still working on just knowing our own fears... and not recognizing them until they snap us on the butt.

Keep on rocking, painting and being


Violet said...

I know what you mean, Kimberly. It's totally hard for me to really let go and enjoy things, let myself be 100% happy and hopeful because I'm afraid it's gunna go away, too.

It's totally lame. LAME I tell you! Let me know if you figure out how to deal and I'll do the same if I figure it out first.


jo marks said...

no, don't bury it - it will poison your beautiful insides. i've never had anything helpful to say to you kimberly, but i do truly believe that you've had one of the most difficult things i can imagine happen to you and your boys - you're pretty overdue for lots and lots of good stuff, just let it in baby xxx