Sunday, April 11, 2010

weior lfk amsdfklcsdf

last weekend i had a freakshow of a breakdown in the most inopportune place.
omg. seriously. WTF.
christine was here (which is a good thing).
she gave me a break and pretty much took care of the boys the entire time she was here.
then she left. sad face.
my little sobbing out of control eposide..........
i hate that shit.
but here's the thing.
i have been thinking A LOT about it.
i try hard to keep my emotion(s) to myself.
but last weekend, i just wasn't able to reign it in.
part of me wanted to just let it all out.
feel comforted. and safe.
part of me was very angry at myself for letting it happen.
i think it's weird that part of me is completely free and creative.
the other part of me is completely analytical, logical. almost anal. it's scary, really.
it seems a completely and totally weird combination.
i am always conflicted.
saw a boat in the river today.
actually turned my car around and parked in a very bad spot (almost got run over) just so i could take a photo with my iPhone.
it was instant inspiration.
it will be my next painting.
i haven't painted from a photograph in a long time.
it was weird, though, how i immediately turned my car around and went back.
i would bet i like the outcome of the painting.
it's the first time i've felt anything close to inspiration, well, since james died.


QuirkyGirl said...

Dude! Seriously!!! Me too! Me too! Completely 2 different people trapped in one body. Sometimes it's great...other times it flat SUCKS!!!

Anonymous said...

WTF- totally so. Yin and Yang.... two energies tied together.... You have more than the average.... but then you are far above the average. You have the strength of more than an average person... have survived more. My guess.... you don't get to cry enough... you don't have enough supports around you yet. Yet, the juxtaposition of suddenly seeing a boat on the water and having to photograph it. Sense of place is there. That rocks. I wish we lived closer and could come down again and geocache with the boys while you had some time..... perhaps in June.

Stay true to yourself.... yin and yang are needed for true balance.