Thursday, September 18, 2008

this is oliver.

he's the best dog on the planet. well, aside from callie. she's a good dog too. oliver and i have a connection. he follows me around everywhere i go. and i mean everywhere. oliver calms me. when i pet him, and lay with him, i can take a deep breath.

here's my disclaimer. if you read any further, you do so at your own risk. this post is for me. i have a few things to say. and this is where it's happening. if you're looking for a happy feel good post, read no further. this post will not be for you.

since sept 5th, it's been doctor appts, tests, more doctor appts. and as it turns out (we found out today)....even more tests. it feels like the last 13 days have been much longer than 13 days. and i feel like crying. and sleeping. and hiding. and going on like all is well. all at the same time.

i am grateful for what we have and how things are. things could be much worse. i am very aware of that. i am, however, also tired of living in fear (even if it is pushed to the far reaches of my mostly empty brain for the most part). it would be nice, if even for a little while, james and i could just be us. not us with this 'thing' to deal with. and now i am back to being grateful. grateful for james. who is an amazing man.

7 comments:

Clare said...

I can empathise totally. There is nothing worse than the waiting, while they work out what name to give the thing that is making you feel so bad. Once you have a name, then you've got something to "fight" against and get fixed. While it remains nameless, there is only your worst fears to contend with... and the waiting. Am thinking of you. X

~Amie~ said...

HUGS to you Kimberly! I'm thinking of you and hope you can find some answers soon!!

Lisa said...

You and James and you precious boys are in my thoughts and prayers girl... everyday.

jensmack said...

Oh sweetie... I wish we lived closer so that we could commiserate over a cup of coffee. I'm sorry that you're going through this right now... it's not easy, I know. You're doing the best you can - you're coping. I'm glad you have your sweet pup who keeps you calm.

I'm sending you lots of love and hugs and kisses.

xoxo

Rachael said...

Hugs, my friend! I'm thinking of you!

Patrice~ said...

oh great.
I am soooooo soooooo sorry
for what you're experiencing
right now.
Thank goodness for Oliver.
And thank goodness you're
a strong, scrappy woman.

Please know you and James
are front and center in my
thoughts and prayers.

Leah said...

hugs girlie...I think about you all the time...I hope you can get the answers quickly...sending out some love to you, James, E and A...I love you!!