i am a firm believer in appreciating what you have, when/while you have it.
do what you want.
sometimes that's hard.
do it anyway.
i am a firm believer in karma.
what goes around comes around.
there are a lot of assholes in this world. just sayin.
treat people well.
we soak up the energy of those around us.
most of my emotion remains inside.
you won't see it on my face.
i laugh, and smile....
but the real emotion.....i prefer to keep it deep inside.
but sometimes emotion escapes.
mostly it's when i'm tired, frustrated....and i have just absolutely had fucking enough.
i still haven't learned how to answer the inevitable question.
and what does your husband do?
no one expects you to say he's dead.
pretty much everyone assumes you're divorced.
clearly they don't know me very well.
i'm not a negative person.
i sometimes wish i was able to show more emotion on the outside, instead of just feeling it all on the inside and dealing with it 'later'.
it builds up.
and grabs hold of me at inopportune times.
which pisses me off.
death is a beautiful part of life?
i'm not buyin' it.
i am not over it.
sometimes it feels as if i am living my life with a great big hole in it.
i am afraid.
i am lucky and i fully realize this.
and i absolutely try to never take anything for granted.
i am hoping one day to get my shit together.
to be able to paint again.
to be be less afraid again.
and i am trying my mother fucking best not to be sad right now.
to make this a good christmas for the boys.
we (the three of us)....we are enough.
we are all we have.
and we are enough.
when i decided to move here, i knew it would go one of two ways.
either the boys and i will be super duper close...or....uh....yeah. we won't.
because they are all i have.
and i am all they have.