Tuesday, October 19, 2010

took a little trip to seattle.

took a little trip to seattle.
in my short skirt.
knee high socks.
high boots.
and bad ass faux fir collar'd jacket.
it was damn nice.
did what *I* wanted to do.
wasn't a mom.
slept in.
enjoyed every second.
except for the part where i got a little bit drunk.
one night.
i sometimes wonder wtf comes over me.
should have made some small adjustments.
and then let the evening carry on.
but i didn't.
which i'm angry at myself about.
that is not like me.
i think i have a hard time reconciling who i am as just me.
vs. the person i always am, which is ethan and alexander's mother.
it's like i forget who i am...like i'm not sure who to be, exactly.
because i'm not used to NOT being with the boys.
when i get time away, i'm sort of feeling my way through it.
trying to remember who i am.
not doing a very good job.
went to pike place market.
it was awesome.
ate some fresh, hot doughnuts.
so good.
walked around and looked at everything.
ate some crab.
enjoyed the way it smelled.
enjoyed being able to look at what i wanted to see.
all the flowers were amazing.
SO beautiful.
bought THE ugliest bag i could find.
it's felted wool but looks like a big 70's shag rug.
it fucking rocks.
did the tourist thing.
and enjoyed it.
because i didn't have kids to keep track of.
and yell at.
this photo will somehow translate into a painting.
at some point.
the composition, colors...texture...
it will turn into something.
just not sure exactly what yet.
had a mini breakdown inside starbucks.
where i purchased myself a nice iced latte.
and stared out the window while thinking about the good things in my life.
i was scared.
and happy.
at the same time.
scared, because i was having a great weekend.
happy, because i was having a great weekend.
a little sad, too, i suppose because, well, i still get sad sometimes.
for no apparent reason.
one of the views from the top of the space needle.
come on.
it had to be done.
i was in seattle!
it was a good trip.
i still haven't quite learned how to completely let go of worrying about the boys when they aren't with me.
but i also really really didn't want the weekend to end.
because i loved having kid-free time.
i am always always always full of conflict.
it was nice to get home, and see the boys.
but damn. it was a fine weekend.
nice to be away.
and out doing something.
just being me.


QuirkyGirl said...

someday you and me are going to meet someplace...in the middle....someplace really mundane and orginary where we have coffee at the local waffle house and are waited on by a girl named Misti (spelled badly with an i) and I'll get to look at you over our cups of burnt and completely disgusting coffee and say "So THIS is what it's like to finally TALK to you"

Michelle Springer said...

Hi Kimberly,

Just got your comment. I think you are living pretty balls out,even if you can't see it yet. You are taking care of two boys by yourself....that as ballsy as one can get. You paint. You make a living at something that you love to do. That take guts. Big time. And look at you, you are traveling, seeing and doing new things! You're there. We all have our moments of fear, insecurity, and missteps. I most certainly do. I think it is hard for us to look at all the things we are doing right,rather then focus on the things we aren't so happy with. Human nature.

Leah said...

I want to see "the" purse...you are rocking that short skirt...must be the running! love ya girlie!