my (almost finished) new space.

it's not quite done. there is nothing on the walls yet. i haven't found exactly what i'm looking for. i'm also looking for some brushed satin (chrome-like but more like stainless steel) hook things to go on the wall so i can hang my gaffer tape and masking tape (and a few other things). i want easy access to the things i use often. the space is coming along. i'm looking for a BIG rug to go under my work table. i found one at world market but think it might be a little too big so i'm keeping my eye out until i find the perfect one.

the flowers were picked yesterday from the front yard. i'm trying to enjoy the simple things. i didn't take pics, but across the loft is the computer and scanner. they're ugly. so they aren't going up on my blog. :wink:

what you see is all there is. if my schtuff ever overtakes my shelves i will purge. i have:

jars for all my ribbon

jars for all my buttons

jars for my pens

a basket for all my rubons

a basket for misc things like HS ghost shapes, 7gs labels, 7gs stickers, etc.

a basket for my most oft used rubber stamps

a basket for my most oft used acrylic stamps

a basket for my most oft use foam stamps

a basket for my most oft used ink pads

a basket for my flowers

a basket for my chipboard alpahas

and of course two chrome 'cd holders' which i use to hold my most oft used paints

i am sure this set up is not for everyone. i am not color coordinated. i just think i think differently and this is what works for me.

my pp and cs are in a basket on the floor by my work table. i mostly work on my table but do find that from time to time i spread things out on the floor (mostly when i'm choosing paper) so this works out nicely for me.

aside from my work table i have a table just for my sewing machine. so nice. in the past i had my sewing machine ON my scrap desk downstairs and had to move it off and on depending on what i was doing. my sewing machine is ancient. seriously. and weighs like 30 freaking pounds! i love the little chair at my sewing table and i love the bigger chair (so comfy) which is at my scrap table. THANKS MOM. you rock.

it's nice to have some space. i'm looking forward to finishing it up, decorating and adding the little things here and there that i want.

today?

today? stressful. very. tomorrow? it will be better.

these are my LOs for the october newsletter for scrapgal. speaking of which, scrapgal is looking for two or three new peeps to add to their design team. check out the details here.

in the mood to create but not creating anything.

did this page on sunday. nothing since. and i only did it because i had to. look here. scroll down four posts. not that i didn't want to. i did. i'm just having a hard time scrapping. i'm more in the mood for an art journal page. so that's what i did.

i'm in the mood for paint. and a mess. that's a good combo becasue when i paint everything is a mess! maybe i'll work on a page tonight. maybe not. i might watch grey's instead.

too tired to scrap.

my mom was more than generous for my birthday. she basically got me set up in the loft. two shelving unites from target, two tables (one from target and one from world market), two chairs (both from world market). i now have space to scrap. and space to store my stuff. and it doesn't look like crap. i'm beyond excited. i have an awesome lamp (bright as a freaking runway baby) but really am feeling too tired to scrap. i will make and send a card to my mom. and i'll send her a pic of the final product (though not sure when it will be done). need a couple extra things...not big things...but i want some things for the wall. i love the black furniture with the blue wall. yum. i love my big chair. i'm not so sure james loves me taking over the loft.....he says he doesn't mind....but i think he might.

i'm going to go watch more of season 3 of grey's. then i'm going to bed early. i am wiped! i'm sure it has something to do with the busy weekend and all the peeps in our house.

i'm sort of wanting to scrap....i mean come on....look at my space. oh. wait. i haven't posted any pics. i will. when it's all done. but i really am too tired. but i have some good ideas and i'm sure by the next time i scrap i will have forgotten each and every one of them!

my mom is coming tomorrow.

so why am i sitting down and not cleaning? well....i did just clean the boys' bathroom and the 1/2 bath downstairs. and dusted the stair railing. and started dinner. and cut and arranged two large bouquets and two really small ones for my mom's arrival. and got her gifts together and wrapped. i give her a little something every night she is here. it's not much. and she's only here for two nights. but it's fun to do. i need to dust the family room. and vacuum upstairs and down. i cleaned the stove and the front of the stainless fridge.

need to pick up E soon. soccer practice today and a game tomorrow.

i haven't really felt like blogging since we got back from dworld (which btw james was the most perfect best trip ever). i'm still hugely depressed at being back. and no. i'm not kidding.

feeling unsettled. seriously unsettled. i've got that jittery.....something bad is happening kind of feeling. too many things going on. and none of them good.

now i need to go clean more. oh. and prepare food for the maybe non-existent birthday party for my nephew kyler tomorrow. need to get it all done today since we have a soccer game in the am and then my mom comes two hours later.

happy birthday to me.

well....almost. saturday is the day.

woot! what more can i say. very much looking forward to our trip. james needs it. he needs to be away from work for a while. the boys are beyond excited. and i am too. it will be lots and lots of fun.

now on to a little scrappy i did today. lots of machine stitching all over the hambly goodness (click to make the LO bigger so you can actually see it). little masking tape, some HS alpha stickers, some paint.....what more could you ask for?! and now i'm off the puter. i must pack ya know.

later....

a little scrappy love.

having some fun with love, elsie. didn't think i would, but i actually like her fabric paper. i think the title pretty much speaks for itself.

back from camping.

now the week starts.

hopefully this week won't be as strange as last week!

six more days until my birthday surprise.

six. that's not many. and i'm glad.

if you're looking for some inspiration i have just the place for you. click here. this is the new inspiration blog which has been started by the design team at scrapgal. dina, the DT coordinator, and all the girls on the DT are awesome and so creative. go check it out! scrapgal has the friendliest forum and the best service. it's a great place!

i posted a little project on the blog. there will be random RAKs given throughout the weekend on the blog so check it out! the blog will be updated every M, W and F with new inspo!

first grade.

well here you have it. the big E's first day of first grade. he wouldn't cop to it but i know he was nervous. he woke up three times the night before school started.

i'm happy to say he came home yesterday excited and happy. he said he loves first grade. heh. lets see if he's that gung ho about it in another month.

today the report was again favorable. another glowing day in first grade. but there WAS a problem. and all i can say is thank god it wasn't MY problem. some little boy made his first trip to the principal's office. i got all the gory details. i made sure i told E that should never happen to him. that that would be a very very very very bad thing if it did.

so james.....here's a couple of pics of E's first day. i have many more which you can see when you get home.

we're trying to establish some sort of routine. things are so out of whack here with E being gone from 9:30-3:30. alexander is on a new nap schedule and....uh.....he's having some trouble adjusting. lets just say he's been one cranky little monster (though absolutely adorable) for the last couple of days.

E comes home exhausted. i'm working the bedtime routine back so he goes to bed at a decent hour instead of so late like we have been doing most of the summer.

i'm feeling a little funky......not sure if it's because i'm tired....or if i'm just having trouble getting into the groove of the new routine. whatever the casue....i'm sort of living in a fog. oh. i know. it could be the 8 benedryl i took yesterday. so far today i'm benedryl free. that will change before bed. i'm tired of waking up with that 'allergy' feeling in my face....you know the one....like a sinus infection...the pressure....the runny nose (sorry if tmi)...sneezing....can't breathe....~sigh~ just makes me tired thinking about it.

anyway....boys are in the bath. guess i should go wash them. so i can get them to bed.

what does it take to make 6 boys happy?

a trip to the nevada state fair. you will be looking at james of course, and ethan and alexander. the other three are my nephews kyler, sawyer and riley. i'm pretty sure they all had a great time. i think the pics speak for themselves. as you can see it was daylight when we arrived and way way way past bedtime when we went home!

today i am...

full of mixed emotions.
i am tired of talking cryptically on my own blog.
but what i am sad about isn't mine to share.
i am tired.
i am full of allergy medication.
i am wishing i could lose more weight.
i am overwhelmed by all the sadness around me.
i am looking forward to my birthday trip. it's only 17 days away.
i am looking forward to taking the boys (mine and my nephews) to the state fair tonight. that should put smiles on their faces.
i am going to get off the computer now and go be productive.

i am....

i am a mother. but i am also more than that.
i am a woman.
i am an individual.
i am a wife.
i am a sister.
i am a daughter.
i am in love with my husband.
i am lucky.
i am tired.
i am sick of my allergies.
i am grateful for what i have.
i am feeling melancholy today. can you tell?
i am many things all at once.
but most of all i am lucky.
lucky to have james.
lucky to have ethan.
lucky to have alexander.
i am reminded to appreciate what i have.
and now i am going to finish cooking dinner.
i am also going to vacuum. lol.... hey. i never said i lived an exciting life...just that i am lucky.
with that attitude i can handle a little vacuuming.

some of this and some of that.

well, obviously i'm back from my brother's house. so not a fun trip. i am sorry for what they are going through. christine (my sil) may be coming to our house tomorrow. if so, james and i are taking her boys (all three of them) to the nevada state fair on wednesday. they need some fun. we'll see if she actually shows up.

alexander actually remembers the fair from last year. and all year long he has been asking when we get to go to the fair. well......his day is almost here! i can't believe he remembers last year's event. he was only 2!!

ethan has FINALLY mastered tieing his own shoes. YAY!!!! it's been a long hard battle but he's finally decided he can do it. i told him that was something he HAD to do before he started first grade. speaking of which....school starts in six days! in six days my baby will be gone from 9:30-3:30. i'm not sure i'm ready for that. i have worked with him several days a week all summer on writing, math, reading.... when he wants to, he reads well. the problem is he's moody. and if the mood doesn't strike him...well...forgeddabout it!! i wish his teacher, mrs. murphy the best of luck.

painted one wall in the kitchen lime pop green. oh yeah baby. it's definitly a burst of color. i'm not convinced james likes it. i know i will hear much grief from my family (my dad in particular) about the color. oh well. he doesn't have to like it.

summer is starting to wind down. it's cool in the evenings and dark outside by 8:3o now! the nightly ritual of bike riding is still happening but there's a different feel to the air now.

back to being a mommy. i must check dinner.

no one really ever knows.....

no one ever really knows exactly what is going on inside your head, inside your house...exactly what you are going through.

i can never know exactly what linda (my mother in law) is going through while jim (my father in law) is in the hospital being treated for cancer. he will have been in the hospital for three weeks on friday.

i can never know exactly what my brother and his wife are going through (but i'm about to find out). heading to my bro's house tomorrow for a few days. it's not going to be fun.

i can never know exactly what trish is going through (my sister in law). the entire family on james' side is going through so much right now....

and no one can ever know exactly what james and i go through on a daily basis. why do people find it impossible (at least the people closest to me sans james) to actually think about what is going on in someone else's life. why does my family feel the need to compare to see whose life is most miserable?

why can't my family be happy for us when good things happen? why is there always a 'rub'....some underlying comment. that is so not healthy.

james leaves for alabama tomorrow. ick.

now i'm going to scrap. and jam to some beastie boys. or maybe something else. whatever fits my mood. not sure yet. i just want to immerse myself. forget about everything else and go make something.

back in a few days.

some of this and some of that.

a few random things.

1. i have been bad. bad bad bad. i have been eating normally for about three weeks now. i must stop and get back to closely watching and monitoring what i eat. eeks. i'm afraid to get on the scale.

2. date night was fun. best part? after the wine tasting when it was just the two of us at rosita's.

3. camping was good. james was funny. YES dear. you were. you giggled like a school girl and it was funny.

4. school starts for ethan two weeks from today. not long. first grade is almost here. we have the backpack and lunch bag. i am going out today to buy school supplies (even though i don't have a list from his teacher yet) but that's a whole 'nother post.

5. couple of recent layouts. dina took that photograph on the 'the joke is on you' LO. awesome. if it weren't for her i would have almost no pics from chicago. i really like both of these layouts. i did a 12 x 12 LO. for some reason lately i've just been in a 12 x 12 mood. i have two more 12 x 12's on my desk. i may submit them for the sept scrapgal newsletter. we'll see.

6. i feel out of the scrapping loop. haven't posted on 2 peas in foreva (until today). i hate how it works. more people you know more times you post the more likely you are to get any kind of attention over there. i just honestly don't think i have the energy for it. i really do just look in the gallery and leave praise if i like something. i'm not political. in the slightest. this is the part of scrapping that i hate.

7. i'm off to take a shower and go to target. the boys are playing nicely. for now. i better hurry.

so....the night before last...

james had to work late. okay. that's fine. got home about 12:30 am. AM people. that's a long day. he went to work late the next day because he went with me to watch the boys at swimming lessons. that was good. they like it when dadda (as alexander would say) comes.

well...turns out james is working late again today. blah!!!!!! he's also going to alabama soon and then vegas. double blah!!!!!!! i may take the boys to my brother's house. IF they ever call me back. my bro and his wife? not the most together peeps. my boys want to see their cousins and...well....i guess their aunt and uncle too. ethan keeps telling me uncle barry is cool. obviously he didn't grow up with him. :wink:

today i finished up the gem turquoise (a retro aqua blue) in the loft. i also painted the trim up there. woot woot! got a lot done. i'll post a pic of the loft when it's all done. i am loving the color. takes longer when the boys "help" me..lol...but they have fun. they still fight...but less if i keep them busy and separated.

next on my list? painting the small wall up above the cupboards in the kitchen. can you say lime pop?? yeah baby. cool lime color. and yes. i'm serious. the rest of the kitchen is pearl white with some brown. the green is just the needed pop!

just a little rambling nothing about my day today. i guess since james is going to be late i'll be outside riding bikes with the boys tonight. yippy. not. my allergies will kick in and i'll be swollen and puffy. again. i'm so tired of that!

guess i should go check the front porch and see is my SG order came today. maybe that will help jumpstart me into scrapping again.

do have a date night coming up on friday. woot! auntie trish is coming to our house with her boys to watch our boys. that will be five boys in da house. but i won't be here so it's all good. :wink:

now i'm off to feed the munchkins. so we can ride bikes. so i can get red, puffy, itchy eyes. yeah. good times. lol...

i'm really not good at waiting for things.

i want the new table (well tables actually). one will be my workspace and one will have my sewing machine on it. i want my shelves. and cabinets. and i want them now. NOW. not in a couple of months when i actually have money. N.O.W. lol... it's like the birthday trip thing. dude. i'm STILL waiting!!! 31 more days! sheesh. are ya kidding me?! 31 more days? well...guess i should get used to it. it will be a lot more days than that before i get my scrapping furniture. humpf.

i feel like i will be ten times more creative if i'm better set up and more organized. it's probably a load of crap. it's probably all in my mind. but that's how i feel. i want to scrap. but feel trapped. like i'm paralyzed. sort of funny actually. it's only scrapping. what's the big deal?! in my mind i'm not willing to do anything until i'm set up how i WANT to be set up. that's what the deal is. whatevah. ~rolls eyes at herself~ guess i'll scrap when i scrap. it'll be good or it'll be crap. and that's that!

maybe i AM psychotic.

in one post i say maybe i need a break from scrapping. so what do i do? spend all day today running around to various stores looking for the best way to set myself up upstairs in the loft. i'm moving out of 'my' living room and taking over the loft. i'm sick of the crappy metal shelvy thingy holding my stuff. i'm sick of bad lighting. i spent $20 today. and it was money well spent. got myself a new lamp. it sits on the floor and has five little lamp arms that adjust each holding a 60 watt bulb. that's right baby. 300 watts to light up my world. so for now....until i find the 'right' table and shelves, etc., for upstairs in the loft i will still be downstairs. but at least i'll be able to see what i am doing.

i have a pretty good idea of what i want for myself upstairs. a table to be my work space. some shelves. holding baskets (where all my stuff currently is). a basket for all my rubs. yes. most people have things sorted by color. that's just not for me. at least if it is, i haven't figured that out yet. i will also need a smaller table to hold my sewing machine. and a comfy chair. so i'm on the lookout. went to pottery barn. that's a laugh. beautiful stuff but i'm seriously not going to spend that much money.

actually found something that might work at home depot. home depot! who would have imagined. but i'm not 100% sold yet. so i'm still looking. they have cabinets with shelves that sit on top and a table/desk thingy inbetween the cabinets and shelves which would flank the desk thingy.

no i must go wash the dirty stinky children. then put them to bed. woot!

i'm trying to spend less time on the puter.

that's one of the things i decided i needed to do while i was in chicago.
i also need more trips like that.
more 'kimberly' time to help balance the never-ending 'mom' time.
it was SO good for me.

i'm thinking about taking a long break from scrapping. long like more than a few days or weeks. i'm thinking of dropping out for a while.

i'm watching music and lyrics. back to it. then bed.

i'm back!

yup. back from chicago. i have much to say about the trip but not tonight. for tonight i leave you with these pictures which dina was kind enough to let me have.

here we are! carly (owner of scrapgal), dina (DT coordinator for SG) , anja wade, me, celeste and jennifer.

the next pic is carly, me, jennifer, christi, celeste and dina. really a great time. it was good for me to be away from the boys. i missed them but i needed some time. i have more to say. but later. i'm trying to spend less time on the computer. something i've decided i need to do.

i will say carly is one of the nicest people ever. if you haven't yet checked out scrapgal, you really need to. best service ever and carly often has things no other store does. jennifer is a riot. christi is great. celeste? where to start. love her! and dina..so talented (was guest designer for hambly last month). she is a blast. very funny. okay...need to finish grocery list. i'm shopping in the morning. we're heading out (camping for the weekend with friends) though we'll be back early sunday to attend our neighborhood's block party!

i was feeling artsy.

wanted to scrap all day yesterday. it just didn't happen. and last night (about midnight) i just couldn't take it anymore. sat down and created this. its' messy. it's child-like. it's a reminder for me. it says, 'it's okay to smile. the earth probably won't stop'. yeah..well...it was supposed to also have the word 'spinning'. lol... just didn't fit. and i didn't care. that's what art journal pages are for. to have fun. to play. to express yourself with no restraints, no limitations, no boundaries. it was fun. made my heart race. that is such a rush. SUCH a rush.

anyway...i'm off to CHA tomorrow! woot!!! hanging with some great peeps. hope to see so much (CHA and chi-town).....have lots and lots of laughs, some care-free time, some good food and hopefully a starbucks somewhere in there! i'll miss the boys and james terribly. now i must go pack. tonight i absolutely must load up on cuddles, lovies and kisses!!!

memorable birthday?

well....i would have to say my birthday that's coming up in september....it's gonna be great. it was supposed to be a surprise. and it was for a while. but really james isn't great at keeping secrets (i love you) but he did do pretty well at keeping quiet about hiding money....hmmm.....

anyway...for the last two years he's been skimming money out of bonus checks, etc., and recently purchased for the family (for my birthday specifically) a week long trip to disneyworld. it's a while away. but hey. it's something to look forward to.

what sweeter man is there in the world than one who surprises his wife (and kids) with a trip to disneyworld for her birthday. and we're doing it right. great place to stay, great places to eat, enough time so the boys can sleep when they want to and we don't feel like we have to rush rush rush. i'm really looking forward to it!

a few weeks ago james and i were in the front yard sitting together. he took out of his pocket an itinerary and handed it to me. i was confused at first....just wan't sure what it was. he had to explain it to me! then we madly started planning the remaining things that needed to be planned. we talk about it every day. the boys don't quite know what disneyworld means. but they'll find out. september will get here eventually!

irish dance anyone?

july in reno is all about artown. on an almost nightly basis there is some sort of 'art' event happening. well tonight we went to the wingfield park ampitheater and enjoyed two hours of celtic music and irish dance. my friend kathryn's two girls, ashley and emily were performing. it was a lovely evening. a late one...the boys JUST got to bed (it's 11:00)....but it was so fun to watch the girls dance. the boys ran around, danced, watched the show....it rained (for two seconds). it was cool...a nice breeze....just a fabulous summer night.

then....the instructor of the dance troop asked for volunteers to go up on stage to learn a few steps. well alexander was all over that. he was quiet about it. but i could see it in his eyes. when i was little i remember being so shy and scared that i would sit quietly and watch (so badly wanting to take part) but never doing it. so up onto the stage alexander and i went. we didn't take a camera. but nana did. and she gave it to james. there ARE some pics. just have to get them from nana. alexander had SO much fun. it was hard for me....i still suffer from being such an introvert. but it was worth my discomfort to see alexander dance, laugh and smile. i so wish i could post a pic with this...once i get them from nana.....

59 days until my birthday surprise.

59 days. better than 60. but it's still too many days.

i want to eat chocolate chip cookies. did you get that? plural. cookies. badly. so i settled and had one bite. humpf. now the question is.....can i keep myself out of the bag until they are gone? i put them in the freezer. i'm way less likely to see them if they're in the freezer. out of sight out of mind? lets hope.

now. on to the ice cream. took the boys with me to the store this morning. we needed quite a few things. well....lately the boys have been having an ice cream cone after dinner as their after dinner treat. so today they asked for more ice cream. i let them pick out 1/2 gallon each. but come on. i'm only so strong. right? one picked chocolate. hello! the other? chocolate chip. oh...yeah...we threw in some mint chocolate for good measure and a 1/2 gallon of cookei dough (totally for james). ice cream with vanilla? really not worth eating. so now i have a freezer full of ice cream and chocolate chip cookies. what i need is a padlock. yeah. that MIGHT help.

a little of this and a little of that.

had a good weekend. camping with friends. lemon drop martini (or martinis)...um...yeah....that would be plural.....played some cards....just got out of the everyday. the boys hung out with kathryn, mike, ash and em while we went to a wedding then we went back. they swam, played hard and were exhausted! nana and poppa were there. always good to see them. barbara made the most awesomely delicous choc chip cookies. oh my god. i couldn't stop eating them. it was like the flood gates had been opened!!! holy crap she's ruined me! now i need....NEED i tell you...more choc chip cookies!

james made his oh so delicious pot stickers when we got home on sunday. mmmm mmmm good!

sent in E's soccer form. he'll be playing fall soccer. found out who his teacher will be. school starts aug 27th! first grade. holy crap!

getting my hair cut and toned on wednesday. can't wait. it's tooooooooooooooooooooo long.

oh...and it's freaking HOT here. ICK. please please please please don't let me AC stop working! i should get downstairs. i'm hiding. heeheehee....the boys are downstairs with james. aaaaaaaaah. :wink:

clean and graphic or...messy?

i sometimes think making a clean page is much easier than creating my usual style of page. and this is strange because i used to think creating a clean page was much, much harder. maybe my clean page sucks and that's why it just came together. i know it's not my fave. but it has clean lines and from time to time i seem drawn to clean lines. which is just so....odd!

so i created the clean page. then created the messy page. i like the messy page. way more than the clean page. it's more me. but, as i said, from time to time i just like to mix it up a little bit and just let whatever comes out...come out...and not worry about it. so there ya have it.

had a great 4th of july. just hanging out with james and the boys. not having to do anything, be anywhere....we had a water fight...family over for a bbq....family nap....went to san rafael to watch the fireworks...it was good. talked about going to the lake but we just weren't in 'rush rush and get ready mode' so we didn't!

i'm a little late...but i've been tagged!

My roommate and I once: never really did anything with a roommate. i had one once....but we didn't really hang. it was purely for financial reasons.

never in my life have I: done drugs of any kind.

High school was : sucky. very hard time in my life. i was pretty much on my own. my parents were wrapped up in their own messy lives. my brother and i fell by the wayside.

When I'm nervous: my mouth gets really dry and my voice shakes. i hate that.

My hair is: about to get cut and conditioned. it's also the shortest it's been since i was 8.

When I was 5: my kindergarten teacher's name was mrs. springer. i still remember her. i also remember painting (easel and everything) in my kindergarten class. good stuff.

When I turn my head left: my neck hurts. my neck has been hurting since yesterday.

I should be: in bed. instead i'm going to go scrap for a while.

By this time next year: i hope there is a cure for dilated cardiomyopathy. hey. a girl can hope.

My favorite aunt is: not close with any extended family really so i don't have a fave.

I have a hard time understanding: intolerance and hatrid.

You know I like you if: i don't freak if you touch me. i've got a thing about being touched by strangers and/or people i don't know very well. ICK! i'm also very very very shy. i will be very very very quiet until i get to know you a bit. once i feel comfortable there will be no shutting me up. :wink: i think people misunderstand my being shy and think i'm rude or i don't even know...but i'm not rude. just shy!

My ideal breakfast is: i love bacon, fried eggs, omlets, english muffins, hashbrowns, pancakes....all that really really good stuff that's really really bad for you! so i rarely eat it. but when it do, it's such a treat. yum!

If you visit my home town: if you consider where i'm currently living as my hometown....if it's winter i'll take you skiing. there are some primo resorts here. if it's summer i'll take you to lake tahoe.

If you spend the night at my house: be prepared to be accosted by callie. she loves people and wants everyone to scratch her butt. woof woof. james will make you the best lemon drop....EVER. we'll scrap...laugh...eat...whatever you want!

My favorite blonde is: alexander! little freaky blonde kid. :wink:

My favorite brunette is : um....i dunno. i have always been partial to brunettes. always thought i would marry a very dark-haired guy. weird.

The animal I would like to see flying besides birds: uh.....this question takes way too much brain power!!!

I shouldn't have been: so angry at ethan today. holy moly did we have a morning!!!

Last night I: watched some of rescue me (on dvd from netflix) and went to bed way too late. i should have scrapped. i need to get all my assignments done by the 18th.

A better name for me would be: no clue. just do not....do NOT call me kim. eeks. i actually can't imagine being called anything other than kimberly. however, it's not my favorite name.

I've been told I look like: i'm not sure that i've ever been told that i look like anyone!

ever feel like you have nothing to contribute?
that's how i feel right now.
like i am invisible.
like no one hears me.
why do i struggle with this so much?
why are my emotions so jumbled up right now?
why do i feel like withdrawing into myself and never coming out?
why do i feel like i am, as the saying goes, a day late and a dollar short? i put effort into something thinking this time i will have something to contribute.....but guess what. the 'usual' doesn't happen and things go in an entirely different direction and i, yet again, have nothing to contribute.
i am in such a foul mood at this very second.

on a separate note....
i am sad for my father-in-law.
sad for my husband.
sad for my mother-in-law.
and i'm tired. tired of worrying.
tired of feeling like i'm just hanging on by a thread.

sometimes you just don't realize how much stress and worry there is in your life and then it crashes around you. i just want some happy times. and to not have to think about the 'next' thing that will happen.
aren't i a cheery person tonight?
um....yeah. that would be a no. lol....

i've been paged. time to ride bikes. seems the neighborhood is out and we're joining the fun.

now it's...

73 days until my birthday surprise.

hoping good things will happen today.
hoping the boys will get along.
hoping.....i could go on. but i must go get ready to take the boys to their swimming lessons.

september is too far away.

75 days until my birthday surprise.
75 long days.
i'm not good at waiting for things.
james, i'm feeling a little down. do you have anything in your pocket for me?

yesterday.

eye all better? check.
scrapping? check. (one page anyway).
nap? check. (short but hey. i'm not complaining).
surprise date lunch with james? check. the boys played at grandma's with their cousins. it was SO nice.
left overs/rummaging in the fridge for dinner aka not cooking? check.
starbucks for breakfast with james and the boys? check.
yesterday was a very nice day.

perspective.

it's all about perspective.
and i'm getting some.
some way.
some how.
i need an attitude change.
i'm aware of it.
i will make it happen.
i just will. (she says as she sends the oldest to his room for his attitude) ~sigh~
but i will. i have to.

is this what crazy feels like?

one minute i don't think i can take any more stress and i'm losing it.
the next? i'm fine. totally fine.
am i going crazy? james would probably say yes.
am i just overtired?
or is it something more.

i know that tonight is better than last night.
last night at this time i was in urgent care with james. he was debilitated by extreme pain. and had been since 6pm. that's three hours. possibly the first migraine he's experienced. guess we'll find out. now 'imaging of his wee little brain' is required.
i mean seriously. people. what couple...what two people both end up going to urgent care on the same day? was that for real?
home by 10:00. at least we got to go home. follow up later this week.

i want to end on a positive note tonight. because i have been a down in the dumper kind of girl lately. and i need to stop that.

i'm happy i have air conditioning. because it's been freaking hot. when inside i have been comfortable. for that i am extremely grateful.

i'm happy james wasn't sent to the hospital last night. it could have played out that way.

i'm happy i have a home to call my own.

i'm happy i have an ipod because i'll be using it on my flight to chicago next month. speaking of which.........will i get over the guilt of leaving the munchkins? i know they will be fine. it's just alexander i worry about. he's still pretty little. and asks for mommy a lot.

the thing i wish? that chicago wasn't the only upcoming trip i...me....personally had planned. i would like to find out what life is like outside of being a mother. i feel i devote much of my time to the boys. i've sort of lost myself in the process.

i'm just happy to be at home....with my family....and i'm about to go read story before tucking the boys in for the night. hopefully the rest of the night will be uneventful. i like uneventful.

freak out!!!!!!!!!

there's a song.....from a long time ago....it's playing in my head. i cannot for the life of me remember who sings it. james something or something james...rick james...yeah. that's it. i think that's it anyway. anyone remember that song?

well...i freaked out today!
1. because my eye freaking hurts like a mo fo. bacterial conjunctivitis sucks. 'nuff said.
2. because my family practitioner's office is f' ed up. i called today to get an appt (i needed antibiotics for my eye). i don't run to the doctor every two seconds. i just don't. i go when i really really need to. and today i did. BUT.....since i haven't been there in three years...well....they didn't have a current chart. so they decided to classify me as a new patient. WTF? i am NOT a new patient. why does this matter you're asking? well....if i was an existing patient (which i am), they could have seen me at 11:10. perfect. right after swimming lessons with the boys i'll head over to the dr. only it didn't work out that way. since i'm now 'a new patient' and i'm freaking pissed....very very pissed.....well...now they don't have an appointment time for me. an existing patient gets 10 minutes. a new patient requires 20 min. so no appt for me. seriously?
note to self: remember to call dr. ornellas' office when i am NOT sick to schedule an appt. huh?! yeah. that's f' ed up.
3. so i call james....i'm more than a little upset. i'm losing it. happens when i'm over tired....when i've been sick for six days...one thing after the next...i'm freaking driving with one eye closed because it hurts so much...so yeah. i'm a little distraught. poor james. he caught the brunt of it.
4. i get to swimming lessons (which is where i was driving to while talking to james). um......he shows up a few minutes later. lets just say it didn't go well. he was angry at me....wanted me to go to urgent care....i wanted to find out how much more that cost than my regular dr.....some tense moments......well i ended up going to urgent care. all i wanted was some antibiotic drops. now i have 'em.
5. but i feel bad. james took four hours off from work...all because of me....dropped off and picked up my prescription.....told the boys he would take them to lunch (for having to wait in urgent care)....so we did that....but i really just wanted to go home...my eye freaking hurt....
6. yeah. do i sound like i had a good day? james didn't either. for that i am sorry. i shouldn't have freaked out. it's all good now....but damn. i'm still pissed at my fam practitioner. believe me i am.
7. i've had two doses of antibiotic drops. i can actually remove the cloth from my eye for more than two seconds now. tomorrow i will wake up and it will be much better. i'm sure of it.
8. tomorrow i will leave james alone so he can concentrate on work.

ps: thanks for putting gas in my car yesterday james. that's just what i needed.

one of my fave pages.

did this page on wednesday. it just came together. i really like it. slapped down a HS mask, finger painted around it. then when it dried i machine stitched around the mask and finished up the page. i love the colors...the feel...and yes. i'm having a love affair with heidi swapp right now. i used a HS mask, ghost punctuation, tape and alpha stickers! the pp is mustard moon (phonebook paper) and the other pp is k & co and i'm in love that that paper too. i will so be using the big piece i cut the small pieces from some time soon.

journaling:

will i ever learn?

why do i keep tryin?

will there ever come a time when i will stop?

lets just say this is an ode to my father and leave it at that. lol...

not sure if it's just me that likes this page. it's that perspective thing again. but in the end i guess it really doesn't matter. what matters is that I like it, right?!

where do i start.

the last two days? unbelievable.
i am sick as a freaking d.o.g.
sore throat.
achy body.
yeah me. not. guess i finally got something....not what every other member of my family had...at least there's no throwing up. knock on wood....omg i hate throwing up.
didn't think i could make the drive home today. seriously. slept two seconds last night. i was hot. then cold. i was sweating....then freezing.
and i spent an amazingly large amount of time with my dad's wife. why. why?! yes...i knew i would see her. but i did not go TO see her. i went to see my dad. who knew i was coming. who ASKED me to come. so why is it he wasn't even home when i got there? i arrived at 10:30am. he arrived at 4pm. WTF. i just shake my head. seriously.
then when he got there he left. ran an errand. for another hour. i sure spent an amazingly large amount of time by myself while 'visiting' my dad.
note to self: do not go back to my dad's.
more note to self: at least i tried. but i really don't think it's worth trying more.
i could go on. and on. but i'm just not going to. i'm going to go take a hot bath.
i am supposed to be at a birthday party. but i asked james to come home from work and take the boys for me. every inch of my body thumps....and hurts...and aches.....
i just hope i can sleep tonight. in my own bed. in my own house. where i belong. where i can control my life. at least a little bit.
where i won't feel like i'm an outsider and unwanted. does my dad really not care? or is he just not capable to expressing ANY form of emotion. the never-ending question. seriously. why did i go to my dad's? it had been a couple of years since i'd been there. i don't belong there. and i say that every time i come back from his house. when will i learn?

rushing to get out the door.

my entire day will be thrown off kilter if these things are not done.

1. fill up my water bottle (which i take out of the freezer). it will be full of ice (half way up). fill it the rest of the way up with water and voila. instant very very cold water. me likey.

2. grab my bag and/or any mail that needs to be dropped off at the mailbox.

3. make the boys go pee pee. no. not potty. it's PEE PEE in this house.

4. make sure both kids actually have shoes on their feet and that alexander's are on the right feet. he's notorious for putting his shoes on the wrong feet.

5. make the dogs go outside through their dog door. don't want them running out while i back out of the garage. don't want to run them over. doh.

the good news?

i'm already packed. the bad news? we're not going. now alexander has it.
ethan was sick. throwing up miserable don't want to do anything kind of sick friday night/sat morning.
then all was well. for one day.
yesterday comes. i hadn't gone to bed yet (it was 12:30 am) when i hear alexander making 'the' scream. i knew it was all over when i heard the scream. the agonizing my tummy hurts i'm throwing up scream.
nothing like washing a complete bed at 1am. the poor little dude is currently in my tub.
so much for going to my dad's today. happy birthday dad. we'll try again some other time.

i've been tagged!

i have been tagged by the oh so fabulous rachael.

These are the rules.... each person starts with 7 random facts about themselves on their Blog. People who are tagged need to blog 7 facts about themselves and post the rules as well. At the end of the blog list 7 people you are tagging. Let them know that they are tagged by leaving them a comment.

1. i love love love love deadliest catch. at first i didn't like sig but he's growing on me and is now one of my faves.

2. i must have something on my feet. i probably have 10 pairs of slippers. i perfer slippers to socks. i don't like to sleep with socks and slippers i just take off and hop into bed. maybe if i swept more often i wouldn't mind going barefoot??? hmmm. ew, huh. it's really not that bad. or....maybe it is. i'm not sayin'.

3. i once set a forres fire. it was a total acciddent. me and a couple of friends. hey. don't act like you've never done anything bad. i was 8. or younger. who can remember. what i do remember is my dad was the arson invstigator sent out to investigate the fire. yeah. do i need to say more? maybe i do. no people or animals were hurt. it was a very small fire. so relax.

4. i will not eat broccoli raw or overcooked. i will eat it when it's still crunchy but has been cooked a little bit. weird, huh.

5. our dogs have middle names. seriously.

6. for much of my life i did not want to have children. neither did james. but that changed. for both of us. and now we have two fab little men.

7. i love a good chocolate milkshake. i like to make them really really thick but then not drink them until they are a bit melted. now that i'm writing these things down about myself...um....i think i'm weird!

because i am lazy...and don't want to take the time to link up 7 fab peeps to tag....hey.....i'll admit it....i'm lazy....if you are reading this and have not been previously tagged, consider yourself tagged now.

feeling posty today i guess. either that

or i'm bored. yeah. i'm bored. sick child all day? not fun. house-bound? not fun. didn't even make it outside today. E took...what....10+ baths. only thing that made him feel better. here's to hoping he sleeps tonight and none of the rest of us wake up in the middle of the night puking.

now. on to what's on my mind.

submitting. which i have done NONE of in ages. first of all, how do people freaking find the time? i guess i'm not good at time management. thought i was. but maybe i'm not. i hadn't even looked at calls for at least three months....until today. and i doubt i will submit anything. i will at some point....probably...just not now.

submit and forget. that's what i like to do. it sure would be nice if i submitted and didn't have to forget! if anyone reads this, i am so not looking for 'you're good blah blah blah'. i'm just thinking. inside my head but out loud in type if that makes any sense.

there are so so so many talented and awesome scrappers out there. makes me feel out of my league. not sure what i can do to raise my confidence level. well first of all i guess i would need to be able to scrap something that is not total and complete crap. which is all i can make of late. bad scrapping funk. bad bad bad.

here's the thing. i look at someone elses' pages and think immediately i really like it...or...well...of course i don't like everything. not everything is 'my' taste. but what i'm getting at is i can immediately look and say, 'wow. i really like that.' so. why can't i determine if i like my own pages? i used to be able to. i used to make a page and think...yeah baby! good stuff! now? um...no. i look at it and think......hmmmm..... then i put it aside until later when i look at it again and again say hmmmmm. what is wrong with me?!

oh i know. i need a break. well here's the thing. i don't WANT a break. i want to scrap. so what is my issue?! being tired? no objectivity? those things and more? who knows. what i do know is i want to get my scrap on and then either really really love what i've done or really really hate it. either way i just want to have some definite feelings about the pages i create.

here's to hoping i get that back someday. seriously. what is going on with me?!

i'm sure this is long now. and i should pay attention to boy #1 anyway. he's laying on the floor now with his mario. if only mario had the magic power to make him feel better and sleep through the night, huh?! okay. i am truly rambling now. seriously seriously bored today!!!!!!!

dirty jobs.

at 3:30 this morning i hear E literally screaming 'mommy'. he was on the verge of throwing up (which he of course later did) and not in the toilet i might add. mike rowe? you got nothing on a mommy on her hands and knees cleaning up vomit at 4 in the morning. i so did not sign up for that when i decided to have kids. did i? i don't remember that part.

wasn't the last time he would throw up either. he's on bath #10 (i think...who can remember). poor guy is so not feeling well. i just gave him a popsicle....he needs some fluid. that counts. doesn't it? he says he's hungry. had a bit of broth and noodles. then headed to the bathroom. again. i think he's going to stick to the popsicles for a while. i would too.

my day is not going how i planned. funny how that works.

i just hope alexander is not next. can it just pass the rest of us by? please? the boys and i are supposed to be going to my dad's on monday. or are we. time will tell.

we will be having a family nap today. yes. all of us. i just really really really hope no one else will be throwing up today. or tomorrow. she says as her tummy hurts. maybe i won't eat anything for the rest of the day. just in case.

it's friday.

day two of E being home for the summer. yeah. day 2? ONLY day 2? yes. he's a little on the difficult side of late. oh joy.

off to take a shower, get E's hair cut (mohawk here we come).
go to the landscaping place for some slate.
go to old navy too.
yeah. which ONE of these things will we get done? because i assure you it will only be one.

supposed to have a girls' night tonight. i have a feeling shelley won't be able to make it and we'll reschedule. bummer. we'll see.

weekend plans? working on the front yard. again. we're getting closer to being done. at least we see some progress. having shelley and jacob over for dinner sunday to celebrate shelley's birthay. that's it. nothing spectacular. but hopefully good.

5 things i'm grateful for today.

1. two healthy and happy kids. i am thankful for that every single day. there was a time when my OB freaked me out about alexander maybe having downs. and after he was born (he didn't have downs)...but when he was about 9 months old they thought he might have a hole in his heart. he didn't. truly scary times.

2. the big hubby man. yes...james...if you're reading this. you're a pain in the ass but i love you anyway. you lurker.

3. chocolate. 'nuff said.

4. that my car is finally fixed (after two months).

5. my little muffin (alexander) sitting right next to me as i type this. he's cuddling and keeps grabbing my face and giving me THE best kisses. ever. i freaking LOVE his kisses and how sweet he is when he comes to give me lovies. i also love his sweet little voice. so much. yes. i love ethan too but he's not sitting right here with me. ;)

yesterday was the day.

ethan graduated from kindergarten. here he is getting his diploma. that's mr. paul (principal) and mrs. armstrong (his teacher).

what's up with the hat you ask? kid won't take it off. keeps the hair out of his eyes. why don't i get his hair cut you ask? oh....well....you see......the kid is stubborn. is refusing a hair cut. who is the mother you ask? and who is the child? hmmm. well...i would be the mother. just not wanting the meltdown of the century. so i waited it out. the good news? he is now ready for a hair cut. this past weekend he asked me if he could get a mohawk. a hawk? sure. just do me one favor. wait until after graduation. and he did. so in the next few days E will be sportin' a new do. the hat may be retired. MAY. we're not sure yet. he's very attached to it. he sleeps with it next to him in his bed. i'm guessing the hawk won't make the final cut. he may just go spikey. we'll see.

why isn't E dressed up and appropriately ready for prancing across the stage you ask? kid wanted to pick out his own clothes. i was torn about that. wanted him dressed up. but i have a thing about parents that dress up their kids and prance them all over the place. so i decided this. the kid has very limited power in his life. so i ultimately decided i was fine with him picking out his own clothes and him just not being dressed up. just not a battle worth fighting. this is E. i wasn't thrilled....but hey. if this is the least offensive choice he makes in his life i'd be ecstatic. i'm sure it won't be. but i'm trying to get used to the times when he will make choices i don't 100% agree with. i want to let him grow...to make some of his own choices...whether i like them or not. it's how he will grow. how he will become strong. how he will become who he will be.

today was the last day of school. seriously? am i ready for this? probably not. especially since tomorrow (our first day of no school) my sil asked me to watch her three youngest children. i kow i'm not ready for that. five kids. all day. on the first day of our summer? oy. don't get me wrong. i do love my nephews. i would just rather love them in shorter portions of time. ;) guess we'll be going to the park. not sure what else we'll be doing. guess i'll figure it out tomorrow.

i wish i had more....

i wish i had more sleep because i am freaking exhuasted.
i wish i had more time to scrap because i'm tired of scrapping only late late at night.
i wish i had a housekeeper because i am sick to freaking death of cleaning my house.
i wish i had more engery because....well.....i'm just tired of being so freaking tired.
i could go on. but i won't because the boys want to go out and ride bikes. in the freaking wind.

soaking up the sun.

doing some yardwork.
soaking up the sun.
jammin' to some beastie boys.
alexander is still sick.
E is still coughing (but getting better).
it's hot. freaking hot.
did not make it to the grocery store this morning.
guess we're going out for dinner.
need to scrap. bad. probably won't. no time. too much to do.
# of times i've applied sunscreen today? 3. i'll do it again after i feed the boys their lunch.
amount of joy i take while doing yardwork? 0. none. Z.E.R.O.
amount of joy i will take when the front yard doesn't look like crap? lots.
pulled weeds out of the backyard. i freaking hate yardwork. did i mention that?
good time last night with mary, liz and shelley. kids all played. good food. some wine.
off to make the lnchie munchie. boys are hot and hungry.

scrap the crap and move on.

the pages that i create all depend on my mood. how i'm feeling. what i feel like using. some days i create nothing but crap (like today). others? a LO just flows out. damn it i wish i knew the secret to making it just flow every time i sat down. yes. i've been trying to scrap a page for two days. and it ain't happening. so i set it aside. the last few LOs i've done have had no paint. that's fine. i can do no paint. sometimes i really love not using paint. but i'm starting to feel like i need to paint. it's like that little whatever it is inside my soul is screaming at me to let it free. i seem to go through cycles. a lot of paint. then i back off for a while. but i'm starting to feel drawn to the paint yet again. it's almost as if it is whispering in my ear. taunting me. maybe that's what my problem is. my being is shouting at me to paint and i am ignoring it. maybe i deserve the crappy LO i made today. lol...

i really think my pages are 100% influenced by how i'm feeling on any given day. it's because of this that i don't really think i have a 100% (or even 90%) recognizable style. i'm okay with that. i think. because i'm all about just letting it out. seeing what happens.

i feel jumbled inside. i think that is part of my problem yesterday. and today. i'm not seeing anything clearly. i'm going to try to clear my mind. and go and sit. and scrap. a masterpiece. ha. lol... maybe not a masterpiece. but something i like. at least a little.

you know what i say. scrap the crap. get it out. then let it flow and create something i love. now lets see if i can do it. i'm half way there already having scrapped the crap today.

why, what, when, where and who.

what makes me crazy?
rude people. seriusly. just makes me want to kick their ass. why do people have to be rude? something else that makes me crazy? employees in a store...sales clerk....whatever....when they treat you like you are inconveniencing them by coming to their store to buy things...like you're putting them out by making them work. uh..........'scuse me???? dude. you do NOT want to piss me off. ;)

who pushes my buttons?
dude. my kids. totally. hate it when they fight/bicker. seriously. i think i got skipped on the extra helping of patience. i need more.

where was i when i last lost my temper?
hmmm. can't remember. more than likely it was at home. and i had had enough of the boys fighting.....E picking on alexander. alexander getting angry at E. ~shudder~ seriously makes me shudder just thinking about when they fight. it's just too much. when they play together it's the best. but damn. when they fight...watch out!

when is my crazy time of day?
in the morning, trying to get E to school. i don't do mornings. nope. nope nope. not at all. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. 'nuff said.

why do i blog?
somewhere to put my thoughts. other than bombarding james. poor guy has enough going on with him being my only outlet. my blog is just a place to go....to say things....to let things out. or not. somewhere for people i like to read a bit about me. somewhere to post pages i've done. dunno. no reason. lots of reasons. lol...

how do i chill?
i stay up late. the house is quiet. i scrap (and listen to my ipod or watch movies or tv shows on my ipod). sometimes i scrap and just enjoy the quiet. or i watch movies in the fam room curled up on the loveseat. i breathe. deeply. over and over. i try to quiet my mind before i go to bed.

now. if you think i've said 'dude' and 'seriously' enough....well....my job here is done. off to go watch deadliest catch. kicking james off the big tv and i'm takin' over.

and we're all back.

james is back. and safe.
barry is back. and safe.
they had an eventful trip. a very good trip.
lots of bad weather, skinny and scary yet exhilerating canyons, torrential downpours, a grass landing strip in the middle of nowhere, many unexpected events and much much more. through it all james kept in good contact. he walked five miles to find a phone one day because he didn't have cell coverage and didn't want me to worry. he even made it home a day earlier than expected. good thing it doesn't get dark in alaska right now. that way they could literally fly until 10:30 at night.

james surprised me and came up the campsite on sunday night. he got there at 11pm. he wasn't supposed to get home until monday (assuming all went well). he had been going since 5am that morning. he wanted to see his family. funny thing though....the boys had literally passed out (they were exhausted) and try as hard as he might, james could not wake the boys up for anything that night!! lol..... but they got to see his face first thing this morning and that made them very happy.

keeping the boys busy was a major help while james was away. they had fun camping, riding their bikes (though E took the biggest fall he's ever taken and has a huge scrape on his belly) and their scooters. i am the only sahm in the group. sometimes i feel a little out of place. i really have nothing to contribute....nothing to talk about...unless you want to hear about my boys fighting....how sick i am of vacuuming...and seriously...NO ONE wants to hear about that.....no exciting business trips to talk about (barbara just got back from hong kong). you know...so sometimes it's hard and i feel isolated and a little lonely even though i'm with a big group of people. ~sigh~ overall it was a good weekend. the boys loved swimming. now we are all home. and together. it's almost time for the boys to go to bed. and for us to sleep in our big comfy bed (with fresh sheets) woot!

hope you had a good memorial day weekend. i will say it was very strange to not be with james on our anniversary. thought about him a lot on saturday. just made me appreciate him that much more.

happy anniversary to me.

in two hours anyway. won't be on to post tomorrow. going camping. without james. boys will have fun with kathryn, mike, ash, em, nana, poppa, bill, barbara, zach, kaylee and kruger.

james did call today. two times. good to hear from him...to know he's safe. they did a lot of flying. hope to hear from him in the am before they take off.

so yeah. my anniversary is the 26th. it's interesting this year....not even being with james. he says he's having a good trip. that's good.

off to get the boys to bed. it's late. got my hair cut today. met shelley and jacob and rode bikes and scooters for a while. then we all went out for dinner. just got the boys out of the bath. they need sleep. and so do i. but i must pack the truck. still have things to do!

may 22, 2007.

that's the day ethan decided he was ready to ride without training wheels. totally cool. totally fun to watch. not sure what's more awesome than watching your child grow and WANT to do the things he once thought were waaaay too scary. best part? james was here for it. he was the one who took off the training wheels. he was the one who helped E...got him started...then let go.

i'm happy. but holy crap people. what's next? he just turned six. he's a terror on his razor. tearing it up. which is awesome. and now he's tearing it up on his bike. so cool.

E...i am very proud of you. my heart is seriously full of pride. i think i need some drugs. you know....the keep me from crying at the drop of a hat kind of drugs....i think i'm way too emotional over my kid riding his bike with no training wheels! lol...

ps. yes. he's not wearing a helmet. he was. he decided he was done...then alexander came out of the house and E was so excited he wanted to show his brother how he can ride his bike without training wheels. somehow the helmet didn't get put back on. NO need to call social services. ;) we're really good parents. really.

pss. the photo has not been edited. no photo editing software on my laptop and upstairs computer is not currently functioning...that's why the pic isn't the best quality.

james is going to alaska.

he leaves on thursday.
i told him to go. he wants to go. he IS going.
lets just say...new engine....trees...mountains.....no where to land if necessary.....well over 20 hours of flying time.....minimum of 4 days gone. more likely at least 5. maybe a week. one day to fly commercial there. one day to break in the new engine....then fly home. three days of straight flying.
so. the boys will be little shits while daddy is gone. what. my kids? really? nooooooo. um...yes. lol... they don't like it when james is out of town. they don't even know yet that he's leaving. not only that, he's driving to CA to pick up barry the night before. so they won't see him that night either. or the morning before he leaves. he leaves early. oh well. can't change it.
happens to be my anniversary weekend. one i will celebrate by myself. which is really okay. maybe this trip will be good for james. i hope.
mike said he'll be a surrogate dad to the boys while james is gone. lol... kathryn and mike still want me and the boys to come camping (even though james won't be there). just not sure i have the energy to plan it, pack it all up and actually go.
i need to take a breath. then i need to figure out which of the billion things i need to do i should do first.
i'm about to go on a serious get rid of crap binge. i can't take it anymore! too much stuff just sitting around with no place to go.
need to get some bins for the boys' winter clothes.
need to get the rest of E's summer clothes.
need to get some clothes for me. the four things that i have that fit...gets old wearing the same thing almost every day! i'm tired of big baggy clothes that just don't fit anymore!!!
need to get my car fixed. like bad bad. i'm afraid to drive it too far from home (like any further that E's school or walmart...how i hate walmart)......so that means no clothes shopping for me until my car is fixed. seriously. it's been getting worse. it's been going on for over two months! time to get it fixed!
guess i'll be driving the truck while james is gone.
i'm feeling overwhelmed. and not just a little. A LOT.
and i'm tired.
instead of scrapping yesterday i spent the day outside shoveling 2 inch rock. we put a riverbed in front of the grass. it looks good. but we still have much to do in the front. much repair from the creatures.
and james needs to set the sprinklers on automatic again before he leaves. i'm too retarded to figure out how to program them.
did i mention i'm tired? and overwhelmed? lol... yes. i think i did.
now i'm getting off the computer and i'm going to check one thing off my too-long to do list. and i'll do it with a child literally attached to my leg! lol.. alexander is tired today. long busy weekend. when he's tired he's clingy. i love it if i'm just sitting and cuddling with him. but if i'm trying to get stuff done...??? um...makes it just a bit harder. lol... hopefully the little man will have a good long nap today!
maybe i can make E lay down too...maybe i can take a nap. shhh. don't tell anyone. ;)

phew. the weekend is over.

it was a long hard one. and that is all i have to say about that!

know what's bothering me? okay...well...seriously...the list would be soooo long. in particular i am referring to the fact i can't post pics on my blog from my laptop. it's not because i don't have access to the all our pics. i do. what i don't have, however, is photo editing software on my laptop. and i do most of my blog entires from my laptop. that would be why there are rarely pics. i hope to one day change that...and be able to edit and then post pics from my laptop.

it's 1am. should i go to bed? should i go scrap more? yeah...just finished a page. not my favorite. by a long shot. oh well. they an't all be masterpieces (at least that's what i tell myself. :wink: i do have an early call. think i will go to bed now. tomorrow is another day. here's hoping it's much much better than today was.

oh...one good thing about today? got something done in the front yard. the riverbed is 90% done. that's a good thing. one section at a time....it's a slow process. but it will get done. eventually. and if the little creatures come back....the ones that destroyed our yard....digging little holes in and under our front lawn...eating the roots of all of our flowers.....i have this to say to them. watch your ass. i don't like doing yardwork. i'm watching for ya. don't wanna hurt ya, but i'm also not sharing my space with ya.

rambling nothings.

not having the best day ever.

finished up our t ball season. that's good. it was long. and don'tcha know it....today i had the most fun i've had at any of the games! it's because i left the dugout and coached first base and then coached the outfield when we were out. way way way better than just yelling at kids in the dugout, getting catcher gear on and off and getting the kids out and onto the field in batting order.

worried about james. working too much. soooo tired. sooooo stressed. he's not himself. all i can do is keep away. makes me sad.

we're off to kathryn and mike's shortly.

sometimes i just feel invisible. it's not the first time i've said this. i'm talking scrapping here. not about my personal life. and yeah. speaking of scrapping, sure wish i could do some when it wasn't 1 am. i'm so freaking tired. and i'm tired of being tired.

my day is NOT going how i envisioned. it's been a pretty sucky day actually. i'm not sure i'm in a good frame of mind to go to kathryn's. the boys will have fun. they'll play with ash and em which is good.

deadliest catch season 1 disc 1 arrived today. and i'm happy about it. is it sad i'm happy about it? when i don't feel like scrapping i like to watch a movie. that may be what i'm doing later tonight (depends on how late we stay at kathryn and mike's). though i do have a few scrapping deadlines i need to get on. so yeah. it'll be 1 am and i'll be at my desk. and tomorow i'll be even more tired than i am today!

humpf. i'm in some kind of mood today. guess i should go get our part of dinner ready to go. i'll try to keep my emotions in check tonight. if i don't they might all come rushing out. can't have that now can we.

me....busted?

last summer we went to our state fair with james' mom, his sister, her hubby and their four kids. it's an annual thing. the boys have absolutely the best time. so we go in. trish buys wrist bands for all the boys. james gets ours and puts them on E and alexander. well...E...being the freakish little dude he is, doesn't really like things on his wrist. gets that from me. things on his wrist absolutely cannot be tight. uh...james doesn't quite get that. he put the wrist band on too tight. so all night E pulls at it. finally he tore it off. james tied it back on. no prob...right? um...yeah..........no. this carny dude on one of the rides was being a hard ass......said E couldn't get on the ride because his wrist band had been torn off. the dude didn't think we paid our money. lets just say that didn't go over well with me. so without really thinking, i said (more to myself)....you tell that man i said to BITE ME. dudes. E went over there, got in line, got up to the dude, told him 'bite me' and got on the ride. OMG i about peed my pants!!!!!!!!! seriously i was laughing SO hard. hey. i never said i was mother of the year. and honestly? i still think that is a freaking funny story. okay...not the best lesson i could have taught my kid. but freakin' funny!

7 weird things.

only 7?

1. i like grape tomatoes but they must be sliced in half before i will eat them. i don't like the pop. it's something about the thick skin and the pop. i just don't like it. but i love them when they are sliced.

2. i only drink coffee when i can sit down and enjoy it. i don't like to be rushed or disturbed...coughETHANandALEXANDERcough...when i drink coffee. i think that is why i rarely make it at home. when i go to starbucks, i've usually just taken E to school and it's easier to not be disturbed by one than by two.

3. i don't like to sleep with socks on though i did almost this entire winter. i froze my ass off all winter. could NOT get warm enough. it was bizarre.

4. i have had the same book sitting on my nightstand for well over two years and have yet to finish it. i probably never will. guess it's not that good of a book.

5. the cupboards must be closed in my kitchen. unless you are getting a plate, glass or putting something away....close the freakin' cupboard. ask james. he'll tell you. i hate it when they are left open.

6. i sleep better when callie and oliver are in the bedroom with us. it's like a little ritual. they follow me around all day (when i am home). they lay on the floor under or near my desk at night when i scrap. or they hang with me in the fam room when i watch tv or a movie. when i'm ready for bed i ask them, 'who's ready for puppy night night' and they get up and follow me to our bedroom. and yes. i am serious. i really do this. lol...

7. my scrap desk.....it's MINE. no one....and i mean NO ONE better put ANYTHING on it. james actually isn't even allowed to sit there. seriously. i've got a thing about not having any place just for 'me' in this entire house. every space supposedly designated for me seems to somehow become overrun by others. so we bought the desk and now it's mine. MY space. should i seek professional help? at some point i plan on taking over the loft. it will become mine....MINE.......ALL MINE.... >insert evil laugh< here. ;)

home movies, huh?

nope. i got none. none of me as a child anyway. barely even have any pics of me as a child. you see, when my parents split (it wasn't pretty)...my mom went a bit off the deep end. it was at that time she kicked me out (and because i look like my dad no less)...it was shortly after this that she burned all our family pics. i am still to this day very sad about that. obviously photographs are a very important part of my life. one of the reasons i take so many i'm sure. i want my boys to have a history they can see, not just hear about.

okay...so...on to another story. we of course have taken many many digi clips of the boys. one day i am certain james will gather them and put them all onto one dvd (or whatever).....i always said (actually up until this year) on E's birthday i wanted to sit and watch all the video clips we have. take a trip down memory lane. we never seem to do it. why is that?

now....i leave you with this. once upon a time james asked kimberly to marry him. kimberly said yes. plans were made. it was important to kimberly to have her wedding video taped. here's the best part. are ya ready? the videographer............TURNED OFF THE VIDEO CAMERA. kimberly has NO wedding video. kimberly was very pissed. lol... yeah..haha...i can laugh now. seriously makes me sad. would have loved to watch our wedding. would have loved for our boys to one day see it. oh well, huh?! what can ya do?!

sheesh...i'm fully of happiness tonight. NOT! lol...sorry!

happy day you mother!

'my ten' was inspired by falyn cahall. the flower thing on 'i am' is a steal from em falconbridge.

hahaha...i think that's funny....happy day you mother!! that's a 'james' saying. having a nice day. pretty low on energy. james too. he took a nap today while E and i played (alexander was napping too). james got me super burrito for lunch. yummy. then we went out to eat for dinner. yeah...the diet thing? not so good today. back to it tomorrow full throttle.

the boys and james sang me the happy mother's day song. that was a riot. got some great cards from the boys and james. inside each was a starbucks card. funny james...lol....guess i should have enough starbucks cards to last a crouple of weeks, huh?! and ethan not only offered...but did the dishes from breakfast. seriously. all on his own. he said he wanted me to have a nice day so he wanted to do the dishes. isn't that the best ever?!

maybe a movie tonight. maybe scrapping. depends on what james does.

played yesterday at the online crop at scrapgal. here's a couple of the LOs i did. boys are brushing teeth and then it's time for story! later.

is it friday? already?

spent monday, tuesday and wednesday and thursday at the hospital. thought my dad would be released on wednesday but it didn' thappen. he's good and is now back at home. i spent a lot of time with him. james came home from work early to take care of the boys. two little boys...one small confined hospital room...uh...yeah. not happening. so today it's back to normal. which is nice. i will, however, call tomorrow to check on my dad and see how he's doing.

he's in the middle of building a house (doing much of the work himself). he's not supposed to do anything strenuous for 5-7 days, preferably two weeks. humpf. they apparently do not know my father. i am quite certain he's out doing something he shouldn't as i type this.

i think once E gets out of school for the summer we will take a day or two and go and see him.

this is how it went down.

my brother called. 'what's going on with LRB?' LRB is how we refer to our father.
'um. i dunno. what do you mean?'
his wife sent an email. i had yet to even tun on my laptop. i was trying to get the boys ready so we could take E to school.
did you get that? an email. she sent an email. to tell us that he had been life-flighted to the hospital. she didn't call. WTH? so i call the hospital. you see, my dad lives in CA but only about an hour and a half away from me even though we're in dif states. so one of the hospitals here was the closest big hospital.
so i call the hospital. nurse puts me through to LRB. he doesn't say much. i tell him i will come and see him after i take E to school.
turns out he had an ACS (short of a heart attack). they took him to the cath lab, injected the dye. he had blockage in one artery. they put a stent in. not even sure how you spell that and i'm not going to look it up.
so basially i spent my day at the hospital. his wife showed up (she is currently sleeping upstairs) and will go back and see him in the morning. he should be going home tomorrow.
if he's still at the hospital after i take E to school i will again go and see him.
we played cribbage. something he taught me. a way to pass the time. being in the hospital sucks.
what does all this mean? well.....
our relationship is far from perfect. but even so. he's still my dad. i'm not ready for him to go.
i actually know very little about his life. he knows very little about mine. but today we talked which was good.
it was nice to have that time before his wife showed up.
it's been sort of a surreal day. just not used to seeing my dad down.
saw a side of him i haven't seen in years. years people. not sure what to make of it. it's just been a wild day.

what did i do on NSD you ask?

i most certainly did not scrap. nope. here is what i DID do.
laundry
t ball
helped james work on our front yard retaining wall (oh..that was fun). NOT.
we went out to dinner. nice not to cook but hard hard to stay on track weight-wise.
some neighborhood kids were over (which E really loved).
uh...what else. oh. nothing. yeah. it wasn't very exciting!
but you know what?
there is something to be said for an ordinary nothing unexpected happened kind of day.
so it's all good.