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last weekend i had a freakshow of a breakdown in the most inopportune place.
omg. seriously. WTF.
christine was here (which is a good thing).
she gave me a break and pretty much took care of the boys the entire time she was here.
then she left. sad face.
my little sobbing out of control eposide..........
i hate that shit.
but here's the thing.
i have been thinking A LOT about it.
i try hard to keep my emotion(s) to myself.
but last weekend, i just wasn't able to reign it in.
part of me wanted to just let it all out.
feel comforted. and safe.
part of me was very angry at myself for letting it happen.
i think it's weird that part of me is completely free and creative.
the other part of me is completely analytical, logical. almost anal. it's scary, really.
it seems a completely and totally weird combination.
i am always conflicted.
saw a boat in the river today.
actually turned my car around and parked in a very bad spot (almost got run over) just so i could take a photo with my iPhone.
it was instant inspiration.
it will be my next painting.
i haven't painted from a photograph in a long time.
it was weird, though, how i immediately turned my car around and went back.
i would bet i like the outcome of the painting.
it's the first time i've felt anything close to inspiration, well, since james died.