feeling abstract.

finally.
a painting that left me feeling.
SOMETHING.
abstract.
full.
powerful.
last night, i sat, for a long time.
typing.
deleting.
ultimately posting nothing.
unable to figure out what the fuck is making me feel the way i am currently feeling.
too much inside my head at the same time.
too afraid to admit and acknowledge some of what is in there.
this painting is big. 36 x 30.

a couple of weeks ago i found a box.
full of photographs.
and keepsakes.
inside the box was this photo.
i took it when i lived in fort bragg, CA.
20 something years ago people.
i was young.
seriously.
like 12.
in the photographs from this time i really do look like i'm 12!
this is the trussell at pudding creek beach.
when i lived there, this was one of my favorite places to go.
after i moved away, i went back to fort bragg.
over and over.
it will always be one of my favorite places on this planet.
it's appropriate, i guess.
that i am posting this photograph, and the painting inspired by this photograph.
fort bragg (and mendocino, a little artsy village 7 miles south of fort bragg) is where james and i spent many of our anniversaries. my 19 year anniversary is in two days. i can hardly fucking believe it. may 26th. james and i would have been married for 19 years.
this painting is innocence.
the innocence of my youth.
when life was simple.
and fun.
and all about me.
full of parties, drinking.....
life was carefree.
and damn good.
time spent with a dude who was in the coast guard.
this painting also represents standing out.
standing alone.
not being afriad to be different.
to just be....who i am.
it is the first painting i have been truly excited about in MONTHS.
going to let it sit.
see how it feels.
but i'm thinking it's a done deal.