aieaieaieaieaieaie

counters went in today. granite (the unshiny kind)....i can't stand shiny granite. the cabinets are antiqued and are off white. cabinets did not come with hardware. i had that put on by one of the finish dudes. i think it adds to the overall look. appliances are all stainless. and should be installed tomorrow. hoping it all works out and i really am moving in a week. hoping the light cabinets and stainless (neutrality of it) will balance the dark counter.

small breakdown in the scary basement today. after james died he was cremated. i moved his ashes to astoria with us. in packing up shit in the scary basement, i had to move james' ashes. carefully. and gently. but it occurred to me (uh....duh).....that i was holding my husband's ashes. and holy fucking shit. i sat on the floor of the gross, dirty, scary basement and cried. out of the blue. from no where.

it's all good.....i know good things are happening, the fact we're about to move into our new house, and we'll be able to finally get settled.....today was just not my best day. tomorrow is another one. i am sure it will be better. i will be chill. less emotional.

the last week i have been waking up at 4am and haven't been able to go back to sleep. and that is pissing me off. thinking if it happens again tonight, tomorrow night will be an allergy medicine/lemon drop martini induced night in the hopes of sleeping past 4am.