therapist dude.

had a telephone appointment with therapist dude today.
he told me to let him know if i needed him.
so i did.
finally.
kind of hard to cram 4 months into 50 minutes.
it was intense.
phone conversations don't have quite the same impact.
but even so, therapist dude helped refocus me.
got asked out by a long haired hippy dude.
which made me throw up.
never, ever thought anyone would ask me out.
it blew my mind.
wasn't ready.
forced myself to go out with him anyway.
because i wanted to know what it would feel like.
how i would react.
of course i threw up after. a bunch of times.
but ultimately i couldn't do it.
something was not quite right there.
therapist dude agreed.
hippy dude was WAY intense.
came on hard and fast.
part of me wanted everything to be right.
because i miss having someone to share things with.
to talk to.
part of me was way not ready.
the boys have been pushing me. HARD.
BOTH of them.
which is unusual.
i usually deal with E's behavior and not alexander's too.
seriously?
i'll deal with this fucken shit.
fucken roll with it.
figure it out.
and i will fucking enjoy every happy moment that comes my way in the meantime.
45 days until we are fucking in our new house.