peace out, yo.

took callie for a walk at the beach yesterday.
more often than not, less is more.

jan sent me a card yesterday.
these are her words:

you're such a mixture.
cookie baker, mother, protector, rebel, artist, creator, dissatisfied seeker.

i won't post all of what she said. they are, after all, her words, not mine.
they are a personal exchange and i haven't asked her permission. i'm certain the part i posted she would be okay with.
but what she said to me?? she is right mother fucking on. she wants me to want to do things again. and sometimes i want to. sometimes i even do.
we all make choices then live with the consequences.
having an extremely difficult time with both of the boys right now.
usually it's just E.
i'm sort of shocked at the behavior i have seen out of alexander the last two days.
and i'm sad about it.
turns out, one of the hardest lessons for my boys to understand is taking responsibility for their actions. that was something james spent much time on with E. and he still doesn't get it.
i feel at a loss.
not sure what to do, exactly.
i need to find another therapist dude.
just haven't felt like it.