fuck you.

got my nose pierced a few weeks ago. photos courtesy of jan (using my iPhone). they stick this pipe thing inside your nose so the needle doesn't pierce more than what you want pierced.

the chick brought the needle through and i literally wanted to beat the crap out of her. it fucking hurt. only for about 60 seconds, or so, but during that minute or two, while she cleaned up the blood on the inside of my nose, and while she clipped and bent the end of the stud, it really fucking hurt. after she quit fucking with it, it pretty much quit hurting.

jan and i were going to get tattoos together. we used to walk together a lot. she's taller than me. a lot taller. so when we would walk i would walk on the sidewalk and she would walk in the street. so i was usually on the left of her. i was going to get a tat on my right arm that said 'fuck'. she was going to get a tat on her left arm that said 'you'. we found this very amusing. but hey. that's just us. of course, once i knew i was moving, it didn't really make sense anymore. no one would get it.

having a harder time than i thought i would adjusting to living here. a big part of it is leaving everyone i know. another big part of it is living in someone else's house (while our house is being built). i don't really feel truly 'at home' in the rental house. doing my best not to let the boys sense this is how i feel because i want them to feel 'at home'.

wasn't truly prepared for the amount of isolation i would feel. another part of me having a hard time adjusting, is alexander going to kindergarten. i am so used to having him home that it feels extra strange to have three hours without him in the morning. AND he's decided to ride the bus home. so trippy. instead of driving to pick him up i walk over and pick him up as he gets off the bus. school starts really damn early here too. and i am so NOT a morning person. all these little things...so it's taking me a bit to adjust. i do love it here.....the ocean, the smells, the sounds...all amazing. i just still sometimes can't believe we moved. once i decided where i wanted to live, it all happened pretty damn fast. that's just pretty much how i roll. decisions are made on instinct and once i make up my mind, i can make things happen. course didn't hurt to have direction from therapist dude. i miss him.

unpacked and organized the itty bitty loft today. found my roll of canvas, brushes, paint, gesso and stretcher bars. got my work table and easel set up. motivating to paint. unfortunately i think i'm going to have to once again try to force some inspiration. maybe once i start it'll just flow. it could happen.