having one of 'those' days.

tired of cleaning.
tired of doing laundry.
tired of 'have to's and should's'.
tired of feeling bored.
i shouldn't feel bored. i'm a big girl. i know how to get out and do things. problem is, i just don't feel like getting out and doing...well....anything.
i'm lackluster.
i'm searching.
and not finding.
what am i searching for?
who knows.
to not feel empty so often i guess. to not feel numb.
i shouldn't feel this way.
i have the best husband on the planet.
i have healthy children.
i have a home.
a car.
food.
a family.
life is not horrible.
it's actually pretty darn good.
so what is wrong with me.
why am i not sleeping?
why do i rarely feel excited?
last time i was excited about something was our trip to dworld. five weeks ago.
oh wait. tuesday i was excited. when ethan's in-class writing assignment was actually ledgible. it was more than that. it was abso-freakin-lutely perfect. which is rare. very rare. handwriting is very hard for him. he excels at everything else...but this one task is hard for him. very hard.
but why do i feel so lost most of the time.
and lonely. today especially.
PMSing?
just basically losing my mind?
who knows.
now i feel better.
i can breathe.
and i can figure out what to do with the next hour until alexander wakes up.
and we have to go get E.
and i have to take the brownies and cake to school for tonight's harvest fest.
and then take E to soccer.
then back to school for the festival.
dinner? yeah. i'll eat some tomorrow.
or maybe i'll have a candy bar after everyone goes to bed.
i think that's a pretty good dinner.
don't you?