ground hog day?

i feel like today, i did exadtly what i did yesterday. gee. wonder why. oh wait. i know. because i did do exactly what i did yesterday.
get up. check.
make breakfast for the boys. check.
take a shower. check.
yell at boys to get ready for school. check.
take E to school. check.
clean microwave. check.
clean oven. check.
sweet kitchen/dining. check.
unload dishwasher. check.
put away 8 billion play doh tools and cans of play doh. check.
wash alexander's laundry. check.
wash some of james' and my laundry. check.
clean front of stainless steel fridge. check.
dust family room and living room. check.
pick up E from school. check.
pass out some of the spiced candied pecans i made for people at E's school. check.
vacuum stairs. check.
vacuum upstairs. check.
make sample ornaments for E's class. check.
cut out and assemble all materials for said ornaments (needed for thursday's party). check.
help E with homework. check.
go outside and bring in 5...yes i sais 5 big boxes from UPS. check. thanks mom. and bob and elizabeth.
make dinner? hmm. need to get on that. no clue what we'll have. better figure it out. it's 5:45.

feels like i had a busy day.

wake up. check. but trust me i so did not want to get out of bed today.
make breakfast for boys. check.
shower. check.
yell at boys so they get dressed, brush their teeth, and finish getting ready for school.
take E to school. check.
talk to his teacher about the christmas party i am planning for his class. check.
go buy couple more gifts. check.
buy everything i need for ornaments at E's party. check.
buy everything i need for making and decorating 15 gingerbread houses. check.
tear apart E's bed and wash everything. check.
put E's bed back together. check.
feed alexander and me some lunchie munchie. check.
tear apart our bed and was everything. check.
put our bed back together. check.
clean boys' bathroom. check. it was so gross. i'm such a bad mom.
wash all the towels in boys' bathroom. check.
pick up E from school. check.
talk to his teacher again. check.
go to REI to buy gift. check. yay. one of the hardest peeps to buy for is now taken care of.
make dinner. check.
start more regular laundry, i.e., not bedding or towels. check.
unload dishwasher and do breakfast dishes. check.
vacuum downstairs. check. note to self. buy new vacuum. our sucks ass. well...it doesn't really suck. that's the problem.
go to target. NO check. waiting for james to get home so i can leave the little angels here. what. why was i gone for five hours???? lol...hmmm....i got lost. yeah. that's it.
wrap remaining items (will do tonight after munchkins are in bed).
now off to finish and serve up dinner. check.

required photo.

a required photo. no. not this one. this one just happened by accident. it was taken by ethan. and i like it. i like how you can see and feel the....the...raw emotion....a surface contentment...something so powerful and unsettled just underneath....in the way i am leaning into james and have my eyes closed. good job E. thanks.






this one is the required photo. E must bring in a current photo of his family to school tomorrow for a little project they have going on. so tonight we did a quick photo shoot. this is the tree in the family room. could have taken the pic in front of the bigger tree which is in the living room but james thought the lighting was better in the family room. so there you have it. this is us. christmas 2007.

a little perspective.

couple of recent layouts. my 'be thankful' layout is a reminder to myself not to sweat the small stuff and to really truly be thankful for what i have and who i have in my life. this life really is fragile and can be changed forever in a single split second. i fully realize that. and i appreciate where i am and what i have. so i leave you with this. a few things i am thankful for (and won't be taking for granted any time soon).

that my children are again sleeping through the night, i.e., not throwing up and sick as dogs.

that my husband loves me.

that what stresses me at christmas is caused by too many people wanting/needing to be too many places at once. it'll all work out.

that james fixed the dishwasher. oh how i love having a dishwasher that works.

that the lump on my neck is going away.

and now i must go wrap presents.

went to see santa.

when i picked E up after school yesterday i told him i heard a rumor that santa was in town. then i asked him if he wanted to go find out. then i called james and he met us down at the mall. thursday evening, no waiting. what could be better? the boys were cute. after meeting santa, we stopped at a couple stores, then went out to dinner. nice way to spend an evening!

alexander's birthday part three.

alexander had one birthday, but in four parts.

part 1: sick, throwing up...miserable.

part 2: small party at beach house over thanksgiving to help make up for party we had to cancel on actual bday because bday boy was so sick.

part 3: birthday party. finally. not when first scheduled, or as planned...but hey. things happen. at least we were able to have the party and alexander had fun.

part 4: pinata at grandma's house.

the pics in this post are all from alexander's bday part 3. and james...if you read this....hope you enjoy the ass shot. you took it, you get to look at it. i think i have enough ass shots to fill an entire album. maybe i should make that a priority. hmmm?

anyway, alexander's party was at jump man jump (the blurry pic of my ass is me and alexander climbing up the steps to the giant slide). all in all i think he had a fun time. just too bad we couldn't have the party on his bday as planned.

oh, one last thing. do you so dig the hair? alexander has me spike his hair up almost every single day. i love his individuality. i really truly 100% so dig his ability....willingness...to just be himself. to be what he wants to be. to be how he wants to be. he is a most amazing and wonderful boy.

thanksgiving 2007.

have no clue how these pics are gonna load. randomly i suppose. but i have this to say about thanksgiving 2007: good wine (tequila and vodka), good friends, good food, family, a most excellent hot tub and the beach. does it get any better?

happy birthday alexander.

today is alexander's birthday. but we did not have a party. why you ask? alexander is sick. still. today he was worse than he's been. so bad in fact we had to cancel his party at jump man jump. he just had no energy and was pretty much miserable all day. he opened his presents from mom and dad (and from my mom too). then took a bath. and layed around feeling icky. he did muster up the energy to ask for a cupcake (i baked 36 of them yesterday in the hopes we wouldn't have to cancel his party)....yeah...that was smart of me wasn't it.....anyone want a cupcake? james was out running errands but ethan and i sang happy birthday to alexander and he blew out his candles. not much of a birthday. we rescheduled his party (and it won't be the same). can you tell today was a crappy day? not as bad as it could have been i realize that. but not as good as it should have been. my little boy tunred four today.

turns out that ethan how has what alexander has. and it's a long one. so long in fact we may not be going to the beach for thanksgiving. can we just catch a break? one small little break? with everything else that's been going on i am about to lose it. seriously.

four years ago at this time i had a baby that was almost 10 hours old. and today he is four years old. i just hope that tomorrow he wakes up and is well. and that ethan magically gets well before wednesday. yeah. here's hoping.

ode to grandpa.

with the recent death of my father-in-law, i just really have not felt like blogging. i do want to show pictures of him...and tell you about him....what a good man he was. was. it still doesn't seem real. but for some reason i just haven't. i am so sad for linda (my mother-in-law) and wish i could take away her sadness and that of james and the rest of the family too.

it's been incredibly sad.

what's a post without a pic. right?

this is for you james. yup. you took it. now you get to look at it. :wink:

the weekend before halloween we spent the day at my in-laws carving pumpkins. yes. that's me. carving a pumpkin. what? OH. i see. you can't tell that's me carving a pumpkin because all you can see is my ASS!!!!!!!!!

a fun time was had by all. everyone walked away a winner. grandma had presents for all the little ones. so much fun!

halloweenie-weenie

okay. not the best pics. but come on. what's a girl gonna do when her power rangers are RAMPED UP about going trick or treating. not exactly the smartest time to take a pic. oh well.

we had a good time. mommy, daddy, e, alexander, uncle will, aunt phoebe, cousins brian, matthew, ryan, justin and joey, auntie trish and uncle patrick. yes. there were a bunch of us!

ethan so totally got halloween this year. he was at the front of the pack. the entire time! alexander had fun too. not quite as gung ho as e, but he still had fun. when he got tired i took him home (everyone else continued on) and then alexander and i passed out candy. while he ate gobs and gobs of it. all in all it was a very fun night! i have never seen so many trick or treaters out. such fun!

remember.

remember the child we never got to hold. a page about something that happened about four years ago around this time of year. first page i've done about this. it was good to remember. but sad. very very sad. i think about this often. but it also helped me to forget (while i was submersed in making the page). i guess i needed to make it. in case you're wondering, the child in the photograph? that's ethan. he was almost a year and a half old. this photograph just really always makes me think about this because it happened close to halloween and E is in his lamb costume on halloween day of that year.

page a day cont'd. days 5 and 6.

life's been a little crazy the last couple of days. haven't been home much. everyone (except me of course) is now in bed and already asleep!

so here you have yesterday's page and today's uber quick page. tomorrow is the last day of page a day at scrapgal. a page a day is harsh for me. it's hard to fit in the time. i like to scrap when i feel creative....and it's hard to feel creative when trying to cram in time to scrap!

anyway....in other news..stephanie herbert....you rock. seriously. you are the sweetest person ever.

on a side note.....my dad and his wife were here to stay back in july i think it was. they brought thier dog tosha. that's fine. i love animals. but tosha is very old. and can't get around well. my dad took her upstairs with him when he went to bed. in the middle of the night she needed to go outside. so my dad picked her up and carried her down the stairs. only he tripped and fell. on tosha. needless to say it was a long night in which none of us got any sleep. tosha was hurt. she could not stand on her back right leg. in the morning my dad takes his wife to her dr appt (that's why they stayd with us). then they go home. i'm afraid to ask about tosha. well last weekend james ended up at my dad's house (in california) because he was working on the plane. the annual. he had dinner with my dad and his wife. when he got back i forgot to ask him if he saw tosha and how she was. well....i finally asked him. the news was not good. tosha never recovered from the fall and my dad had tosh put down. she was 14, having a hard time....and he had her put down. which breaks my heart. i'm not sure if this is rational or not, but i somehow feel responsible for tosha's death. i want to say demise here. not sure which word is less dramatic. i want the less dramatic word. anyway....my dad sent me an email (i hadn't talked to him since he was here...we don't speak often)....he wanted to know how i was. i answered. told him i'm fine, that james told me about tosha (and only because i asked)...and i told my dad how sorry i was. no response. not sure what that means. if anything. my dad is not the best (and that is an understatement) at communication (especially if it involves conveying any and i do mean any emotion).....

now. on to one more item. i have been tagged by rebecca. i would love to play along but for whatever reason i can't get to your blog!!! just wanted you to know i'm not ignoring you!

now i'm off to watch a movie and i may go to bed early. i am wiped out! and we have another jam-packed day tomorrow (we have family in town from austin)...so it's a good jam-packed......

page a day. day 4.

stamps baby. that's right. with pink, black, brown and white. it's messy. and grungy. and just the way i like it.

page a day. day 3.

day 3 of our one week page a day at scrapgal. i'm still totally in grunge mode. and loving it. felt like a little hambly and some of my new fave imagination project cardstock stickers.

page a day. day 2.

day 2 of page a day at scrapgal. i used a pic of james on the tea cups with alexander (you can't see alexander). i was looking through pics and i liked the blury, crazy feel of this one. didn't scrap it as a disney pic. scrapped it as i always do, by how i feel. and this is how i feel today.

page a day.

we're doing page a day over at scrapgal. come check it out! this is my page for today.

i'm thinking i just haven't discovered 'the' thing.

the thing that i want to be when i grow up.
the thing that i want to spend my time doing.
the thing that i could be so excited about i never would want to stop doing it.
maybe that's why i'm not teaching (aside from the fact i have two small children who require my attention).
i just think that perhaps i haven't discovered my passion (aside from scrapping).

having one of 'those' days.

tired of cleaning.
tired of doing laundry.
tired of 'have to's and should's'.
tired of feeling bored.
i shouldn't feel bored. i'm a big girl. i know how to get out and do things. problem is, i just don't feel like getting out and doing...well....anything.
i'm lackluster.
i'm searching.
and not finding.
what am i searching for?
who knows.
to not feel empty so often i guess. to not feel numb.
i shouldn't feel this way.
i have the best husband on the planet.
i have healthy children.
i have a home.
a car.
food.
a family.
life is not horrible.
it's actually pretty darn good.
so what is wrong with me.
why am i not sleeping?
why do i rarely feel excited?
last time i was excited about something was our trip to dworld. five weeks ago.
oh wait. tuesday i was excited. when ethan's in-class writing assignment was actually ledgible. it was more than that. it was abso-freakin-lutely perfect. which is rare. very rare. handwriting is very hard for him. he excels at everything else...but this one task is hard for him. very hard.
but why do i feel so lost most of the time.
and lonely. today especially.
PMSing?
just basically losing my mind?
who knows.
now i feel better.
i can breathe.
and i can figure out what to do with the next hour until alexander wakes up.
and we have to go get E.
and i have to take the brownies and cake to school for tonight's harvest fest.
and then take E to soccer.
then back to school for the festival.
dinner? yeah. i'll eat some tomorrow.
or maybe i'll have a candy bar after everyone goes to bed.
i think that's a pretty good dinner.
don't you?

busy day.

i was very busy today.
it just felt like i never stopped.
got the things i needed to get done which is good.
now. to get the cake safely to school in the morning and not splattered all over the inside of the explorer.
and to get the brownies to school without mangling them. i never think in advance that i will need a box of some sort. go figure. me...not being fully prepared or forgetting something? unheard of. yeah...that's scarcasm.
i am very tired.
and had a huge mess in the kitchen. which is now mostly cleaned up.
the boys were on meltdown mode tonight. not enough rest i guess. they are now tucked safely into their beds.
got all of the supplies i need to make the goody bags for E's october party (on the 31st). i have everything to go into them. i have everything i need to make the witch cupcakes. and the supplies for the scary ghost garland and bat garland. now just need to cut out 10 ghosts and 10 bats per child. that is 140 ghosts and 140 bats. now that's gonna take me forever. why am i sitting here and not cutting out ghosts and bats???!!! got googly eyes (240 of 'em) today). that's a lot of googly eyes. but the ghost garland and bat garland will really be cute and something i think the kids will have fun making. i would love it if E brought that home to me. which he will, of course...but i meant even if i wasn't the one in charge of the project.
going to unwind now. briefly i hope. because i really really am wiped out. and need to sleep. if only i could sleep without waking up a million bazillion times......